Problem with a problem-co worker

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Specializes in Peds acute, critical care, Urgent Care.

I have been lucky enough as an LPN to land a job in critical/urgent care. However, my journey has not been easy. I am the youngest, by 20 years from EVERYONE on my team. My first year in the position was difficult, my coworkers who all happen to be philipino, and I am the only white nurse, had made every attempt they could to get me to quit. However, after a year of hard work and dedication, I made them see that I too can critically think, and am not a threat to anyone. I have been made a part of the family, and am treated now the way I had been hoping for. However, in recent months, the last 8 to be exact, the job has again become a headache.

8 months ago we hired a new medical assistant, who too is a minority in our clinic compared the entire philipino staff and the exception of myself. She is young, and new to medical assisting.

Of course I took her under my wing and became her friend because I was an outsider too, and struggled with no one to stick up for me until I was able to be accepted. (sounds terrible right?)

This medical assistent is constantly picked on, blamed for things, and given petty write ups for the sake that the team just doesn't want her there, because she too is an outsider. However, she is not making things any better herself.

I have gone to bat for her several times, and frankly have saved her a few ridiculous write ups, and have covered her to fix little things she has screwed up. She doesn't know that I have done these things.

I have answered countelss late night phone calls to be her rock when the knit-picking has gotten out of hand. I truely have made an effort to be her friend, because I know exactly how she feels.

70% of the time, the problems are because she is getting genuinely picked on and attacked. the 30% though, is her and her attitude. She can be very immature, and I have pointed out to her a few times how her actions and behaviors too fuel the fires. She is not an objective thinker, and often plays the race card whenever one of her actions comes into question. She also questions us, the nurses, about choices we make in patient care, that she feels are biased or unethical, none of which has ever been the case.

Recently, she has gotten into arguements with me of all people about my decisions and actions I have taken. I have told her time and time again to think obejectively without emotional bias, something I am now convinced she is not able to do. I have also told her, when she finishes school and gets to become a nurse too, she will then understand why there are choices that are made and choices that are not made. She took this as a personel assault and stated to me that I was 'throwing my nursing credential' in her face. I aplogized to her and told her that was not what I did, and that again, her emotions were getting the best of her, and that she wouldn't understand why nurses do certain things until she was one, and it had nothing to do with belittleing her.

I have been a bit hurt by the fact she has started calling me 'one of them' referring to the staff that has mistreated her.

I have been nothing but a friend, and again, have gone out of my way to fix her mistakes and question her write ups, and this is the thanks I get from her.

I am conflicted at this point. Do I throw the towel in and let her continue to self destruct? Without me she has isolated herself completely from the team leads and other nurses. Or do I continue to help her and stick up for her, go out of my way to correct her mistakes, and challenge my collegues? Collegues who have now accepted me and treat me the way I should have been treated to begin with.

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I would tone the assistance down a notch. Don't abandon her, but don't hold her hand at all times either. If she can't see that you are only trying to help her to survive in an environment that is not all that welcoming to her, then perhaps she will need to learn the hard way.

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Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

You can't save everybody. Some people need to self-destruct a few times before they learn. Be kind to her, but don't feel that saving her is your responsibility. If she needs to "learn the hard way," get out of the way and let her learn.

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No good deed goes unpunished. There are no real friends at work. Let her sink or swim on her own.

You are not her mother or her guardian angel.

Just mind your own business.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

Ugh. I agree with no good deed goes unpunished. You aren't her keeper, you aren't responsible for her. You tried to help and she is unable to take constructive criticism.

Stop trying to save her and she will realize how much worse it is without your help. Or not. Either way, her problem isn't your problem to solve.

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Specializes in Peds acute, critical care, Urgent Care.

I think I misrepresented what I meant by helping her. Simple things like her forgetting to sign her name at the bottom of a chart, or putting a chart in the orders rack vs the discharge rack, or reminding her to sign off on an order is what I mean by correcting her mistakes. The other staff would usually not make a fuss about any of it if were someone aside from her, I merely meant I give her that friendly reminder that she needs to sign off on something or she misplaced a chart.

And what I mean as far as saving her from write ups is that, the other staff will write her up because there are for example, 4 gowns in the patient's room as opposed to 6. Petty little things that any other person would simply get told, 'hey go put some extra gowns in the rooms'

I don't agree that no one at work is your friend, because that isn't true. Especially in nursing, we need our family, I see my co-workers for 12-14 hours a day, sometimes 5 days a week. I feel sorry that most of the time even in my own job, that we have this eat our young philosophy. I understand being critical of a new nurse, because people's lives' are in our hands, but that doens't give someone the right to humiliate and embarass someone who is new to 'the building' not the practice, simply for their own enjoyment or because they don't like someone. We should be more mature and take on the leadership role to teach and lead by example, not just be a flat out jerk to the new kid.

Minding your own business isn't the deal either when you are also getting dragged into it by your coworkers on making a decision to discipline someone. We need to work together as a team, not as people who work a job 66 hours a week and function individually.

I do however agree to most of what was commented that her actions and attitudes will do her in.

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

The perfect example of why I go to work, to work. This just makes my head hurt.

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Specializes in HH, Peds, Rehab, Clinical.

Why woukd anyone want to stay in that environment?

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I think I misrepresented what I meant by helping her. Simple things like her forgetting to sign her name at the bottom of a chart, or putting a chart in the orders rack vs the discharge rack, or reminding her to sign off on an order is what I mean by correcting her mistakes. The other staff would usually not make a fuss about any of it if were someone aside from her, I merely meant I give her that friendly reminder that she needs to sign off on something or she misplaced a chart.

And what I mean as far as saving her from write ups is that, the other staff will write her up because there are for example, 4 gowns in the patient's room as opposed to 6. Petty little things that any other person would simply get told, 'hey go put some extra gowns in the rooms'

I don't agree that no one at work is your friend, because that isn't true. Especially in nursing, we need our family, I see my co-workers for 12-14 hours a day, sometimes 5 days a week. I feel sorry that most of the time even in my own job, that we have this eat our young philosophy. I understand being critical of a new nurse, because people's lives' are in our hands, but that doens't give someone the right to humiliate and embarass someone who is new to 'the building' not the practice, simply for their own enjoyment or because they don't like someone. We should be more mature and take on the leadership role to teach and lead by example, not just be a flat out jerk to the new kid.

Minding your own business isn't the deal either when you are also getting dragged into it by your coworkers on making a decision to discipline someone. We need to work together as a team, not as people who work a job 66 hours a week and function individually.

I do however agree to most of what was commented that her actions and attitudes will do her in.

Let her be written up and she probably will learn not to do what she's written up for. You say you've been good to her but she turns around and kicks you in the teeth. It's Christian to turn the other cheek but you also have to be a good steward of your cheeks.

Yes, I have had friends at work. But mostly people are nice to your face and then stab you in the back and betray you. At least, that has been my experience.

As to what "should" be, reality is often very different.

No, don't be a jerk, just don't think you have to protect her or carry her or shield her. She's an adult, she needs to behave like one. She might think you are smothering her and resent what you see as acts of kindness and friendship.

As for being dragged into something by coworkers and that forcing you to get involved in a decision to discipline someone - I guess I need an example. It sounds very complicated. You don't HAVE to have an opinion all the time or express one or get involved in everything. You seem to think you HAVE to let others make you get involved. You don't. Only be involved in what has to involve you and keep your own nose clean.

Don't mother anyone, don't protect anyone, don't get anyone in trouble intentionally, just do your job, which is to nurse the patients, not get caught up in the mess of politics and race and ethnicity and so forth on your job.

We might eat our young, but we chew up our oldies pretty badly, too, LOL.

Sounds like you work with some real mean people - petty, vindictive bullies, some really evil wenches - sorry if I got the gender wrong.

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Specializes in Critical Care and ED.

The most important lesson I've learned over the years is that people you work with are not your friends. You can be civil, make conversation and even laugh with them, but they are not, and never should be, your friends. Let people make their own mistakes. It's fine to point something out to someone if they've forgotten something but I would never get involved between other people's petty arguments. It will always come back and bite your in the butt. Keep your head down, your mouth closed and smile at everyone. Trust me...I've learned this the hard way.

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PS, people from the Philippines are Filipino, not Philipino.

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Hi vbarger28, you have done great in taking this medical assistant under your wing. Its time to let her fly on her own. In general, that environment of Filipino nurses you described, are unfortunately a nightmare for anyone who is not Filipino. I am always amazed at how they try to dominate the field of nursing-and are not always the best suited individuals to be nurses. Stick to your guns and remain strong in that environment. The medical assistant will soon realize that the Filipino nurses will never be impressed with her skills/ability, and will continue to sabotage anything she does-that's how Filipino nurses operate(in packs).

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