Home care nurse experiencing verbal abuse by family member of patient.

Specialties Private Duty

Published

Hi everyone. I really need your help as I am so distraught and dont really know what to do anymore. I am a married mom of 5 and I have finally achieved my lifelong dream of becoming an RN. I graduated 8 months ago and applied for several jobs with no luck.

Anyway, in July I was hired as a home care nurse working nights and caring for a young boy in his home. At first it was going well, but over time the boys mother has been unbearable. She is terribly rude to me and for no apparent reason. I have bent over backwards to help her out, including moving around hours to take her and her son to a NFL game. I have purchased flowers for the boy to give his mom, and even purchased a personalized jersey as a christmas gift to her son. I have taken their dog out in the middle of the night and cleaned up the floors when she goes in the house. All of this and much more without even a thank you!! Did I mention that my husband fixed her car for free because we felt bad and have huge hearts?

Anyway, lately this woman has treated me like dirt. She is constantly giving me dirty looks and slamming doors. Her son called me "slow" the other night and she did not say a word. I looked at him and said that was not nice, and she completely flew off the handle saying that she is going to start locking the doors and that I need to learn my role. She screams at me so loud I shake. I went into the bathroom and took a few deep breaths to gather myself. When I walked back out I asked her if I could speak to her and she asked me what I wanted. I asked her if I am doing something wrong that she is not communicating to me and she began screaming again telling me that if I dont like it then there is the door. She said that I let her son get away with **** that he wouldnt be getting away with with her or she would knock his head off! Huh??? I'm sorry but what does she really want me to do?

hen she continued to say that she doesnt want me playing around with her son and that I am his nurse and nothing more. If I were to write everything I have been through then I would be here forever. She is also always screaming and telling me that she is my boss and that she gets bills from the insurance company for 6000 dollars for 10 day periods and she thinks it is crazy. Well, she is getting an RN in her home up to 7 days a week for 9 hours each night. She acts like I am responsible. Sometimes I feel like standing my ground because I am a grown woman and I have never in my whole life been treated this way! I feel like my hands are tied because I have had no luck finding anything else and I do have 5 children.

Please give me some advice! I have talked to my boss about this repeatedly but she just says that she knows because she had dealt with her before...but the agency has no other RN cases open. This is not what I wanted in nursing and now I dread going to work. Please help!

In my state RN's are mandated reporters of abuse. You can do it anonymously. Good riddance to that one. Just take the dust off your shoes and move on. That was not a normal environment at all. Prayers for a good healthy environment for your next position.

Specializes in Peds(PICU, NICU float), PDN, ICU.
I have discussed what I should do with my bosses and they say that it is their home and I cant change them? The whole situation makes me feel awful!

That reply is code for lay low and keep quiet so we can keep the case and keep making money off the next warm body with a license. If you say/do something, they will just tell you they don't have hours for *you*....but they do have hours and it's for others. But you're caught because you're a mandatory reporter.

I have waited til another nurse has gone into the home to report the family/environment so that they can't prove it was me. It's not good to wait, but there are so many cases and agencies like this that you'd be out of a job quickly.

Specializes in Peds PDN, Med-surg.

This mom sounds psycho :nailbiting:and the situation will never change. I get that parents have bad days like everyone else but that doesn't give them or anyone for that matter the right to treat people like this. I hope you find something better soon. Sending good luck your way!

Specializes in Pediatric Private Duty; Camp Nursing.

I concur, you need to call CPS. It will be anonymous. For all they (mom & office) know, it was the clinical supervisor or a neighbor in the next apartment who did it. If something happened to that child and you didn't report the environment, they could be asking you some hard questions. Plus if those O2 tanks blow up, they're going to see every nurse's signature that documented O2 in the house all that time.

At the very least, when CPS comes to this lady's door, she'll be forced to comply with an investigation. Or else. Even if the accusations are unfounded, the lady is going to get the message that she's on their radar and will watch her step in the future.

Also, if you apply for unemployment because there are no hours "for you", in addition to the magic words "hostile work environment" there's also "whistle blower".

I was called down for a meeting with 2 of the big bosses yesterday...I was so nervous because I was thinking the worst and that this lady must have seriously lied or something. Anyway, it turns out that she tried to say that I was sleeping on the job and not documenting meds. What????? Total lies!!! The agency knew ths med part was not true because they get all my paperwork, and ummm..I would be scared to death to do anything more than blink in that place! I was furious but my boss was very understanding and told me that this woman is obviously not normal. When my boss asked her why this is the first time she has said anything, she said that she was trying to work it out with me so I wouldnt be in trouble. Now THAT is FUNNY!! I am so appalled that she can do all this with a clear conscience. Sickening!! Anyway, the funny part about it is that she said she just wants a break and I can go back next week. Um...not going to happen!! This is a game she plays and I am not risking my license for the likes of her..God knows what she'll say next!!! The up side is that the meeting went well and she offered me hours as an HHA, but meeting me halfway between pay. Yes, its still a big cut but at least i'll have my sanity until I find a new job (which they are also helping me with). Im so relieved to be done. The only thing I worry about now is retaliation when I dont go back...maybe more lies? I would think if she tries that then the agency would just laugh it off. For goodness sakes. Ugh

Specializes in nurseline,med surg, PD.

Stay as far away from this psycho as you can.

Oh trust me I plan on it!!

Specializes in Pediatric Private Duty; Camp Nursing.

By any chance, did you keep some sort of journal or documentation of her behaviors towards you? Maybe even something you can piece together now by going back to emails/texts w your hubby or ambiguous vents on Facebook? If you can produce a running record it could protect you in case she retaliates for you not returning. If she tells the BON you were sleeping there can be REAL trouble.

I told my boss on several occasions what was going on. I hope that is enough? I dont really know what else to say. You would think that they would look at it and wonder why she would want me back if these things were actually true? This scares me to death knowing that she can pretty much say anything she wants.

Specializes in Peds(PICU, NICU float), PDN, ICU.

If I have something like this that needs to be discussed with my supervisor, I make sure it's mentioned in email. Even if it's discussed later by phone. That way I have written record of notifying a supervisor. But, my agency avoids discussing things over email...I guess because most of the things they tell me aren't legal. So you may run into that. But still make the initial report in writing so you are covered.

Good point I never thought of that! What a nightmare.

Specializes in Pediatric Private Duty; Camp Nursing.

Maybe take some time go write a "play by play", detailed narrative of some of the major, crazier episodes?

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