So yesterday was my last day at our clinical site. We've been there for an entire semester. I usually feel pretty good about my work - not 100%, because I am not in the medical field currently. We only get a clinical once weekly, which in my eyes is just not enough.
I am doing pretty well in lecture (B+) and lab I feel fine as well. When I get to the clinical site, of course my nerves can get the best of me. I push through them though and do my best and keep my patient safe.
I've had several instances where I felt that I was under the teacher's gun and that she was assigning me patients that were very complicated...where as other students in my class were getting easy patients. Whenever I was assigned a complicated patient my teacher would basically spend the entire clinical period breathing down my neck essentially and harassing me.
I was always taught that as long as you got things done in time, and done correctly it didn't matter how you did them - as long as your patient's safety was not jeaporized in any way. Sometimes I prefer to do things a little differently, I just do them the way I feel comfortable. Well, yesterday was awful. I felt like she was continuously drilling me, and singling me out for no reason. Even my other classmates noticed it and were approaching me on it. She did not make it private, in fact she pulled me off to the side - basically in front of my entire class and went up one side of me and down the other for everyone to hear. She told me that she could tell I was not experienced in the medical field and I had better get myself a PCT job over the summer so I can re-learn all of the basic skills that I don't know how to do. I must know how to do them if I passed last semester, right???
She also told me that I will probably never make it as a nurse ... and a lot of other hurtful things. I tried so hard to not cry, but it was just inevitible. I'm under so much stress with school and trying to get good grades and putting in so much effort that for someone to tell me that I'm never going to make it and never be a good nurse has got me down in the dumps. This has been my life long dream... and now I'm questioning it.
I'm starting to think maybe she's right. Sometimes I get too flustered and it's a weakness that is going to essentially make me a bad nurse. All I can do is stew over this now, because really I had no chance to prove anything to her when she was saying this to me. It was my last clinical rotation with her, and now she has to evaluate me and I'm afraid she's not going to pass me because of this. If she doesn't pass me, I don't know what I'll do.
Can anyone relate to something similar to this??? What the heck do I do??? Everyone tells me to just let this all go and stop worrying because I'm obviously doing something right and that she just doesn't like me ... but I'm really doubting myself and my self esteem is just down in the dumps.
Let me first say that she has no business to 'go up one side and down the other' on you in public. If she wants to reprimand you, she should do that in private. I think you should go to her during office hours (after class, whatever) and speak to her about it. I'm not sure that you are going to help yourself much by going to the dean at first. A lot of people are not too happy when someone takes an issue 'over their heads' rather than addressing the situation with them first.
I am a little concerned about your preferring to do things differently. I'm not sure what things you are talking about, but in school there is only one right way to do most things. When you have your license and you have a job, find the way that is best for you. You have more time in school--do it the right way.
Also, as mentioned by someone else, embrace the 'tough' patients. It will serve you better in the future to have taken care of them in school when you have the back up of an instructor and a coassigned RN.
Finally, just want to say, many students have had an instructor that they thought 'hated' them. Through you career their will be people you think hate you (perhaps a preceptor, charge nurse, nursing supervisor, etc.). You will encounter strong personalities. I'm not saying to totally ignore everything, but you have to be willing to deal with this and do you duties to the best of your abilities.
Whether the instructor is a crazed lunatic or not, their opinion absolutely does matter.
It is their opinion as to whether or not you pass or fail.
In this case it was more than just her opinion about her as a student, but her as a person. I will be very blunt when I say - I could care less about what my instructor thinks of me as a person. That doesn't matter to me at all, not one bit. I've heard of clinical instructors telling students they won't be good nurses because they are introverted people. That has nothing to do with the skill of the student and rather a personal, personality based, judgement from the instructor. Nonsense.
What matters to me is that I do my job, I help my clinical team when they need my help, and I am respectful. I ALWAYS ask why. Without asking for the logic behind a statement or assertion it means nothing. It is simply an emotion and while nursing is an emotion filled field if we're talking about medical skills, those are based on logic.
As a student what I want from my instructor are the following things:
I want them to ask me questions about the process of the disease of my patient.
I want them to ask me to defend my rational behind procedures or decisions I make with patient care.
I want them to be available to assist in a procedure I am unsure of or have not done beyond lab.
I want them to offer advice based on their experience.
I want them to be open to me when I explain why I am approaching a situation differently.
I want them to offer helpful suggestions for reading or practice based items they see need reinforcement.
The only thing I am entitled to is to learn. If I am unable to learn due to my clinical instructor being overly harsh for no determinable reason there is an issue.
The patients I have cared for all tell me that I am going to be a fantastic nurse. My primary nurses all tell me I am going to be a fantastic nurse. My lecture instructors tell me I will be a fantastic nurse, and mostly because I ask questions and do not feign competence when I know I do not have the experience or knowledge base to back my actions.
What I cannot, for the life of me understand, is why in nursing of all fields are we so permissible of bad behavior? Why is it acceptable to have instructors who are responsible to us, who must set an example, be abusive? I'm sorry, but there is no reason why I would tolerate it.
I have actually addressed my clinical instructor before, privately, and explained to them what I heard them say, why they said it, and what I took from it. This isn't just my learning experience - it's theirs too. I always approach the person I take an issue with first, and go on from there. I do not believe that the OP should report the clinical instructor to the dean, but I think she should request a conference to talk to them. Perhaps in a nonclinical setting this instructor might be more willing to help vs. tear down.
If nurses truly eat their young the one that tries to eat me is going to need a really big mouth.
I think it's sad so many people jumped all over the instructor. To me, I can't honestly in good nature bash the prof for what this student has said. The student has already said they do things differently (but in their opinion, maintaining safety). What if there are safety issues that the clinical instructor is noticing that isn't apparent to the student yet? Especially in such a complex patient. I also agree that no matter what you feel comfortable doing, you need to go by the book as you're a student. That's probably why she recommended a PCT position - so that you got comfortable doing the skills the "right" way. For all we know you're violating the facility's policies and the CI is in trouble because of it. We don't know all the details.
I do agree that giving difficult/complex patients to a student is a compliment, though.
Crazed: I did not say it was right. It's the way it is.
One of my lecture instructors said this semester, "The worst thing about nursing is working with other women. Why do we feel the need to tear each other down."
My last LEM prior to my latest had serious problems with me, she was slightly off with me for not introducing myself to her straight away but I just brushed it off, and kept the feeling like something wasn't quite right, being a mental health student you just develop this sixth sense about relationships and peoples mood just from walking in a room, 8 times out of 10 you're right.
Anyway I thought this was all over and done with when she gave me really good feedback on a situation were I addressed I wasn't confident with my own performance with meds, and she seemed pleased, so as far as I was concerned we got on, then she slipped back to giving me funny looks.
If she caught me and the other student together (We saw each other twice a week, if that as we worked in different departments of the same facility) she'd find something to shout at us over, regardless if patients and other staff were present - this escalated to the point where I was terrified of being near her, the other student felt the same.
The final straw were I decided I wasn't going to bother was the final big MDT before the facility closed for four days over Christmas and the nurses, SW's, psychs and other staff did a "secret santa" which she was in charge of organising, and she told my instructor that students weren't involved as we had less money to spend - then when it came to dishing stuff out it turned out she'd put the other student in and had a present bought for her and left me out , it sounds nothing and I didn't think anything of it, but my instructor couldn't look me in the eye and came to apologise, saying she didn't know students had been included.
Overall it ruined my experience, I wouldn't consider working in that facility, or that field of mental health. She nearly had me to the point of quitting my course and I'm constantly questioning myself over my performance...
Keep on truckin'! That's my advice for you. If you fail, pick yourself back up and do the class again. At least you will become an expert on things. If you do not fail, then that's great! (: Instructors really like confidence, even if you are just faking it and are actually shaking in your boots. Just because your instructor tells you hurtful things, does not mean you should let your self-esteem take a hit. Show her how well you know things and what you can do. My suggestion is to keep practicing those skills that you don't feel so well about doing, and become confident with them. If you already feel good about skills, then fake it 'til you make it. To me, it sounds like you are mentally blocking yourself off from being the optimized student nurse that you can be. I have to mentally prepare myself, too, for things. I totally understand.
Hygiene Queen
2,232 Posts
Whether the instructor is a crazed lunatic or not, their opinion absolutely does matter.
It is their opinion as to whether or not you pass or fail.