Preserving your marriage while being a good student?

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Do you have any tips for maintaining a healthy marriage while going through nursing school? (Assuming you already have a healthy marriage, and are dedicated to making your marriage last AND to being highly successful in school).

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Make a point to spend time together, and when you do, keep school talk to a minimum. Give compliments and thanks for all the patience they have. I also randomly bring home flowers. But a biggie... Communicate!

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Yes, communication.... The one thing that either makes or breaks a marriage... But HOW do you keep up good communication when in school? Are you able to text every now and then throughout the day when you're ding clinicals, etc? How do you find time to study as well as time for your spouse?

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For example- I'm 33, finally going to start school this fall after many years of wanting to do so. I've been married for 11 years, and he's supportive of this. I do not have a job or children, so my marriage is really the only thing in my life that can't be put on hold while I'm in school. I live 2 hours away from any school, which is why I have not pursued becoming a nurse until now- I just HAVE to do it, it IS my calling and I have to answer. So I'll be driving to town for school, and staying overnight at least once a week (probably more). We are very much in love and hate to be apart, so spending nights away is hard on both of us emotionally and physically (I have a very hard time sleeping well without him). I worked a seasonal job in town last holiday season to see how well we would handle it, without making a commitment to a real job, and it was tough but not terrible. I'm thinking of course an "I love you" text at every break, phone calls whenever possible and every night/morning,.... But what about maybe scheduling dates together, so that we have them to look forward to, etc? He works so can't go live in town with me, so I'd be going back and forth at least twice a week and he'd likely visit at least every weekend (like we did when I worked the seasonal job)... But I'm looking for other people's experiences, advice, ideas, etc. He is the love of my life and I won't give him up for a career, our marriage is extremely important, and becoming a nurse is also very important- I want to succeed at both of these things. I WILL succeed at both of these... But I'd appreciate some tips :)

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Specializes in NICU, L&D and ED.

I bought one of those really big wall calendars and wrote everything out. I would put class times, big test days, home study time and home family time. My husband and son knew when I was able to talk on the phone while I was at school or what days I would be extra busy. I worked full time as an LPN during my RN with my husband at home with our 2 year old. Worked full time as RN during my BSN and I am going back to grad school in August. My son is now 6. Time management and communication are going to be very important.

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Specializes in hospice.

Thought better of that comment

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Thank you Amy! The calendar is an excellent idea that I'll definitely use!

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Red Kryptonite- part of your response was sent to my email, so I'll respond to the little bit that was sent- no, I do not have a job or children, but I'll be giving up most of my volunteer work and every other aspect of my life because I'll be living in a city 2 hours away from my home. I made it sound like I have ZERO responsibilities in life, but that isn't the case- they will all just be pushed aside. I'm selling several of my horses, I've already changed many aspects of my life to prepare for going to school full time with a 4 hour commute from home, and I intend to work as a CNA. I'm not going to sacrifice my marriage, and I think that it is wise to ask experienced people for their advice in what else I can do. ETA- I was heavily involved in rodeo and horse breeding, and I also help take care of the elderly people in my family, but I'm setting that all aside for now, which was no light decision for me.

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My husband and I have really had to learn to make time to spend together. He travels for work, I am in school full time (with a 3.95 GPA), and we have two kids. We make a point to have a date night out at least once a month, and low-key at home snuggle-on-the-couch dates at least once a week. We also use a family calendar to plan out who is going to do what when. I do sometimes text him while on break at clinicals, but usually only if a) he is out of town and I otherwise would miss talking to him that day, or b) I have to remind to pick up a kid or where to find something he is looking for :)

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Communication!

I always try to make sure I talk to him at some point each day. Sometimes it's a few minutes in the morning, on the phone while I'm on my way to class. Other times I text him on my break to see how he's doing and how our daughter is doing.

I'm in school full time at night (starting next March 7th my Saturdays will be taken up as well). My husband works full time during the days and is on call 24/7. We have an 18 month old with another on the way. My husband pretty much takes care of everything. While I'm at school, he's cleaning up, taking care of our daughter, making sure everything is ready for daycare the next day, etc.

For everything he does, I make sure I show appreciation and gratitude for what he's doing so I can do what I'm doing. I think this is a biggie. I know you said you don't have kids or anything, but for anything he does so that you can have more time for school, studying, homework, clinicals, etc.

I think just appreciating each other in general.

I try to find time to spend with him, especially on the weekends. Weekdays are pretty much useless with opposite schedules, so we really try for the weekend, even if it's him staying up an hour or two later watching a movie or something. You still have to find a way to make time for each other. It doesn't have to be a ton of time, but some time.

Definitely keep him up to date which your schedule. Several have suggested a calender, which I think we need to star using!

To be honest, during my first semester I really didn't think we were going to make it. Even during the times we saw each other we were just in bad moods arguing. As the semester went on though, it got better as we adjusted to our new lives and routines and have been doing very well. We still have our days when we're very stressed, but we've been making more of an effort at communication and spending time with each other, and making that time worth it, no matter how much or little time.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

We were probably older than you are and less concerned about togetherness and romance but I didn't do anything special other than warn my husband that there were going to be a few hard years ahead especially because I was working also. Fortunately he was independent and secure enough to allow nursing to take precedence over everything including our marriage. I get this might not be what others feel is acceptable but imo the reality is there are things that have to take a back seat and if our relationship wasn't strong enough to weather this minor blip on the radar it would have been better off if we went our separate ways. We are still together and are now able to enjoy the fruits of our labor so it was definitely worth it.

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Amy after your RN, how long did you have to go to school for your BSN?

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