Worried...

noele1213 · Dec 4, 2005

I'm not going to sugar coat anything here...It's gonna be a tough ride with little support. If your husband isn't on board with your dreams, find out why and see if you change his perspective. Some men actually feel threatned when their wives decide to get an education. It's as if they don't want their wives to have the ability to be independant of them. Of course this is not all men, just some. Try to find out what's going on in his head. If you don't get anywhere with him, then you have to decide how much this means to you. If it is really what you want then don't let ANYTHINg get in your way. Not being good in chemistry should not hold you back. There are only a few key concepts in chemistry that you will take with you into nursing. I had to take chemistry twice...failed the first time and got a B the second time around. My husband was quite like yours in respect to what he needed and wanted. He finally left me and our three kids midway through...BUT, I'm still chugging along, though sometimes I don't know how...maybe my dream is carrying me, or maybe God is...whatever it takes, right? Good luck and God bless.

WDWpixieRN, RN · Dec 4, 2005

He won't change....he will always be like that and if that's how you want to live out your life for 20, 30, 40+ more years, then you have to accept it.

I am almost 50 and have lived with that for close to 30 years...I am leaving next summer to go to RN school in AZ so that I can finally have a life of my own, doing what I consider important, and living by my morals. My last child graduates from high school in May. How I wish I had gone to school when I was younger.

If this is something you want, then go for it. It won't be easy, but it's easier when they're young than once they start school themselves and need help with homework, projects, and you will want to spend time involved with them and their school activities and sports or other extracurricular activities.

Good luck!

stpauligirl · Dec 4, 2005

He won't change....he will always be like that and if that's how you want to live out your life for 20, 30, 40+ more years, then you have to accept it.
I am almost 50 and have lived with that for close to 30 years...I am leaving next summer to go to RN school in AZ so that I can finally have a life of my own, doing what I consider important, and living by my morals. My last child graduates from high school in May. How I wish I had gone to school when I was younger.
If this is something you want, then go for it. It won't be easy, but it's easier when they're young than once they start school themselves and need help with homework, projects, and you will want to spend time involved with them and their school activities and sports or other extracurricular activities.
Good luck!

I am 46 and have a seven year old left at home.....luckily my husband helps out A LOT and puts up with a lot because I have to study A LOT. He takes our son places so that I can study, and he also helps with chores. You need support. Leave his (husband) stinky socks and underwear whereever he deposits it, don't cook anymore elaborate dinners just fast food stuff from the freezer and ignore him if he complains. Make studying a priority and forget about neatness in the house. Find someone who can give you relief from your child.....hourly care or friends.....I wished I lived closer and could lend you a helping hand. Hang in there. :heartbeat

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Dec 5, 2005

Here is the link to a list of the California Board of Nursing approved ADN programs: http://www.rn.ca.gov/schools/rnprgms.htm#adn You will find other links there to the BSN programs as well, if you are interested in those. I think that all the schools are good or they wouldn't be approved by the Board of Nursing. You'd have to talk to individual nursing students from these schools to find out all the little quirks and nuances about them.

I don't want to discourage you from your dream to be a nurse. However, there are some realities that people must face. It's very unlikely that your husband is going to change unless HE makes the effort. If he doesn't value education to begin with, why would you think he is going to support your quest to become more educated? School is going to change you, open your mind to new ideas and new thoughts. Your husband, while I'm sure you love him, is most likely not going to follow you in your newly found enthusiasm for all this learning and discovery you will experience. I've seen it happen time and time again. There was a married couple in my nursing class who ended up divorcing by the end of our nursing school program because the stress was just too much for their marriage. A college education for one spouse is sometimes the death blow to the marriage. However, you know your man better than any of us. I can definitely tell you that being in school, particularly when you get to the nursing classes is going to require a great deal of your time to study and prepare assignments. You are going to be under greater stress over a longer period of time than you have probably ever been in your life. If your husband is going to be the only person you can turn to for help with housework and child care, it sounds likely that he is going to stick you with it.

Some places you might explore for help are your church and social services that are available. Are you in L.A. proper or one of the surrounding cities? Call your city hall and find out how to connect with a social service person, make an appointment, sit down with them, cite your current situation and problem with needing assistance with childcare and housework and see if they can help you work out some strategies. In some instances there is child care available for college students. Sadly, you may learn that by separating from your husband all kinds of assistance may become available to you (I'm talking about welfare and Medicaid as well as other community social programs). Also, for whatever college you want to go to for nursing, you need to tap in to their student assistance program and ask and ask until you get connected to the right person(s) who might be able to help you out with your problems. It might even be a lawyer. If you belong to a minority race or population, look and ask about any assistance that might be available for you. I know that L.A. has a latino educational assistance program and their counselors are aware of some of the cultural problems these young people experience with their families. Just look, ask, and look some more.

Hope2BaRN · Dec 5, 2005

Thank you all so much. I talked to my husband the other night and told him that if things did not change I would leave. I made it perfectly clear that this was my decision and there was no going back on it. Boy did he change, he started cleaning up, changing diapers, washing his own clothes. I have my doubts though I don't truely believe he is going to change.

You see it's not just that he does not support my education but he will also tell my "what took you so long to get home from school?" "were there any guys in your class?" "Any guys try to talk to you at school?" you know trying to say I am cheating or something. Like school is a gathering place to hang out and party or something.

I have become tired of defending my self, and explaining where I was at between 9:00 pm and 9:10 p.m. (the time it takes me to get to and from school).

I have concidered social services. Although I don't really like asking for help, if it will benifit my daughter and myself in the long run maybe I should.

I have seen it work my husbands sister who is a single mom of two kids get public assistance and is in her 1st year of nursing school and although I don't like her (because she has made racial comments about my daughter, I am white and my husband is hispanic, plus she does not take care of her kids she leaves them with her mom all day while she is at school the goes out with her BF ) she has the right idea. It has allowed her to stay in school full time.

I value my education and I believe my partner should as well. How am I supposed to tell my daughter when she gets big that you need to make something of youself and get an education if I didn't.

I will finish school no matter what, even if it means I will do it alone.

Missy May · Dec 5, 2005

Hey, dont sweat it Hope2barn. I have a 2 1/2 year old, I am a single parent with lots of family support, but her father is a jerk. But ya know what? I know that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. Dont drop it now. Keep going becuase if your husband really loved you, he would help you out 100%. I have done some online classes through my home college because of the daycare costs and stuff. Try them. I love em'. I have been up until 2-3 am too a lot. But think of the outcome of this degree, not about all your worries. If I can do it, anyone can do it. Dont worry, "Things always get worse before they get better right?" Email me if you need help anytime. [email protected]. MISSY MAY

stpauligirl · Dec 5, 2005

Thank you all so much. I talked to my husband the other night and told him that if things did not change I would leave. I made it perfectly clear that this was my decision and there was no going back on it. Boy did he change, he started cleaning up, changing diapers, washing his own clothes. I have my doubts though I don't truely believe he is going to change.
You see it's not just that he does not support my education but he will also tell my "what took you so long to get home from school?" "were there any guys in your class?" "Any guys try to talk to you at school?" you know trying to say I am cheating or something. Like school is a gathering place to hang out and party or something.
I have become tired of defending my self, and explaining where I was at between 9:00 pm and 9:10 p.m. (the time it takes me to get to and from school).
I have concidered social services. Although I don't really like asking for help, if it will benifit my daughter and myself in the long run maybe I should.
I have seen it work my husbands sister who is a single mom of two kids get public assistance and is in her 1st year of nursing school and although I don't like her (because she has made racial comments about my daughter, I am white and my husband is hispanic, plus she does not take care of her kids she leaves them with her mom all day while she is at school the goes out with her BF ) she has the right idea. It has allowed her to stay in school full time.
I value my education and I believe my partner should as well. How am I supposed to tell my daughter when she gets big that you need to make something of youself and get an education if I didn't.
I will finish school no matter what, even if it means I will do it alone.

My first husband was jealous and interrogated me constantly about ohter men, he was also abusive and needless to say we have been divorced for over 15 years, our son that we had together is now 21. He lost it when I started studying for my GED, (I am also from anoher country) I remarried have a terrific husband who helps me any way he can. Good for you to speak up and let him know what your plans are. Just as long as you are not in danger from abuse.....many guys loose it when a woman asserts herself. Been there done that!

SoulShine75 · Dec 6, 2005

There is so much help out there for you and your daughter if you do decide to leave. You can get childcare assistance, food stamps, rental assistance, financial aid, medical assistance etc...etc... We even have a program here in KY called GRADD that will even pay for repairs on your car so you can get to school.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. You're doing it for a good cause. Some people abuse that and don't have any ambitions but you clearly do so don't feel bad about it. I've had to get help before and luckily I'm now on my feet but without that help I would have been in a really bad place.

Good luck no matter what you decide. :flowersfo