My mom won't let me be a nurse. How do I convince her?

  1. My mom doesn't want me to be a nurse but I really want to be one. Can you help me convince her to let me be a nurse? These are the things she says to me to try to make me not be a nurse:
    -"You'll be surrounded by sick people so you will contract a contagious disease and die."
    -"Why won't you be a doctor? Why be the person underneath the doctor?"
    -"You have to clean up people's poop, pee and vomit."
    -"You'll be really tired working 12 hours."
    -"When you grow old, you will be weak and will get fired because you can't do physical labor."
    -"Violent and horny patients will try to rape or attack you."
    -"You got good grades, good SAT score, and took many AP classes in high school. Why are you wasting them to be a nurse when you can be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer?"
    -"It's okay for immigrants to be nurses, but not you because I gave you a great opportunity to be something higher in the ladder."
    -"Your friends, cousins, and brother are all doctors, lawyers, and engineers. And you want to be a nurse? You are a disgrace to me and your family. I will disown you."
    -"The only reason you want to be a nurse is so you can get out of college in 4 years instead of 12 years so you can be a young mom and get married."
    -"Nurses don't need analysis. They just do what the doctors and bosses tell them to do."
    -"If you become a nurse, I never want to see you again. I won't pay your tuition."
    -"You have to go to Ivy League or UC school. CSU's are a disgrace."
    -"You are selfish. You are not the type to care for people. You can't be a nurse."
    At first, I wanted to be a pediatrician, but they have to go to 8 years of college and 4 years of residency. I don't want to be 32 when I start my job. I don't want to rely on my parent's money until I'm 32. I also don't want to be an old mom and marry in my late 30's. I might not be able to see my grandkids. I really love biology, psychology, nutrition, and kids. So I really want to be a neonatal nurse or a pediatric nurse. But my mom won't let me. How do I make her let me? Every time I talk about wanting to be a nurse, she tells me to shut up and leave and she yells at me and makes me cry. She wants me to be a doctor or pharmacist or doctor. I don't want to go though so many years of schooling. What should I do? Nurses in my area get like $112,000 salaries. My aunt is a nurse, but she was an immigrant. My mom doesn't like her. She says I will be some low class worker or something. She is so mean! She is a strict Asian tiger mom. UCLA and UC Irvine are the only UC's that offer nursing. The rest are CSU and community college. My mom said I can't go to CSU or community college. But I can't get into UCLA or UC Irvine because the acceptance rate is like 7%. Please help me. Thank you very much. I don't want my mom to control my life because if I don't like my job, then I'll be unhappy in life. But I also don't want to lose my mom's love.
    Last edit by Amanda97 on Feb 4, '14 : Reason: spelling error
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    About Amanda97

    Joined: Feb '14; Posts: 3; Likes: 3


  3. by   nekozuki
    You don't have to decide what you want to be when you grow up just yet. Head to college, work on your pre-reqs and figure out later on if nursing is what you want to do. If the idea of losing your mother's love stands in the way of nursing school, perhaps you aren't ready to make such a life-changing decision yet.

    If, in a couple of years, you're thumbing your nose at your mom and applying for scholarships/loans to cover your tuition because you're sure this is what you want to do, then awesome. If you're not passionate about nursing enough to make that kind of sacrifice in two years, that's okay too.

    I could go on about how what your Mom thinks shouldn't make a lick of difference, and the whole holding you emotionally hostage routine is laughably old-fashioned and so on and so forth, but I don't really think as a stranger over the internet, I'll be able to make some amazing change in your life.

    P.S. - 32 is NOT old, but it's adorable that you think so.
  4. by   WNTfanM9
    Your mother has a very dated view on what nurses do and who they are. I suggest you try to educate her on the role of a nurse. If that doesn't work, I suggest that you do what will make you happy, not your mom. I get the tiger Asian mom thing, I have one. But if you live your life trying to please others, you'll never be satisfied with your life.
  5. by   pmabraham
    Good day, Amanda97:

    There are several options from the above to possibly seeing if two people can job shadow an RN in your area (with the condition that both of you listen) to working to get your mom up to speed on the 2014 view of nursing and medicine.

    There's also the humor, though respectful retorts:

    "You'll be surrounded by sick people so you will contract a contagious disease and die." --> would apply to doctors as well

    "You'll be really tired working 12 hours." --> compared to doctors who as interns and residents who work how many hours per day?

    -"Violent and horny patients will try to rape or attack you." --> and should that be true, it would suddenly change for doctors because?

    Unless you and your immediate family are American Indians, then I guess your family immigrated to America at one time.

    Then there's the logical counter retort of working your way to becoming a nursing practitioner to earn doctor's pay in less time.

    I think you should pray on it, and see what doors God will open up for you; then walk through those doors whether or not it makes any sense to any family member.

    Thank you.
  6. by   NurseGirl525
    This is my view. You need to live your life for you!!! I will say this though, do not let the fact that these other careers take longer detract you. If your dream was to be a pediatrician then be one!!! 32 is not old at all!!! And believe me that is not an old age to be a mom. I am 38 and I have tons of friends who are still getting pregnant. This is your decision, your life. Your mom just wants the best for you. I can kinda understand where she is coming from because your reasons for not becoming what apparently was your dream are not valid. 8 years of school will fly by. I know when you are young, it seems like an eternity, but it's not. You should not become a nurse because the years of schooling are less, you should become a nurse because that is what you will be happy doing.

    I was fortunate enough to have parents who let me figure out on my own what I wanted to do in my life. I did not go to college when I got out of high school. I was done with school for a while. I went out and experienced life. I got married young at the age of 22 and had my son when I was 30. I just got divorced and now I am finishing prereqs for nursing school at 38 after being a stay at home mom for 8 years. If I had it all to do over again I wouldn't change much but I would have finished nursing school before I got married. 22 is way, way too young to get married. My ex and I both changed drastically over the years and we grew apart. My son came out of it so I do not regret it in the least but I married too young and I know that now.

    FYI- moms never stop loving their kids. She may say things to you now out of anger but I absolutely promise she will never stop loving you. I could never stop loving my son no matter what he did. And someday when you have a child you will understand that. I never thought I had the capacity to love like this. A child is truly unconditional love. So please don't worry about that.

    I would sit down and have a rational talk with her about your life. Without you getting upset and emotional. You just need to say, mom I love you and respect your opinion, but this is what I want. This is my life and I need to live it for me. If you don't want to pay for my school, that is fine, I will get student loans or work. You need to have an adult conversation with her for her to see you as an adult. And throwing out reasons like I don't want to do the extra years of school, just makes you sound lazy, I am sorry and that is probably why she is not listening to you. If you truly want to be a nurse, go for it!!!
  7. by   loriangel14
    By the time you are ready to go to nursing school you will be an adult and you can do what you want.Your Mom has a lot of misguided and outdated ideas about what nurses do.

    How old are you now?
  8. by   eeffoc_emmig
    No one can stop you from being what you want to be. You can ALLOW people to change your mind. Put your big girl panties on and live your life. Mommy will still love you.
  9. by   iPink
    OP, to be honest I was a bit disturbed by your post.

    I am a nurse (in my 30's) and as one who is working in the hospital, I am grateful that I chose to be a nurse and not a doctor. Of course I would love to get their salary, but you would be amazed how little doctors actually know about their patients. In my hospital, we don't have med students, so as the nurse you round with the hospitalist assigned to the patient. During rounds, I make med recommendations and question some meds they want to order for my patients. I also tell them the needs of my patients and what they can benefit from, which includes a PT/OT consult, a Psych consult, diabetic management, pain management, etc. In some cases, I am the one to tell doctors to put in orders on certain lab draws so we can see trends and measure how well treatments are working. Believe it or not, the docs forget to put in orders for morning lab draws. These doctors rely on my judgement based on my assessments because I'm the one at the bedside, not them. As nurses, we are the ones who bring up the need for our patients to be transferred to a higher or lower level of care. We do so much that it would be almost impossible for the docs to function without nurses.

    Many of my patients have shared with me that they are more comfortable with a nurse than they are with a doctor. I wonder why?
    As a nurse, you are an educator, an advocate, a skilled clinician, and much MUCH more to your patients.

    The path is yours to make and not your mother's. So be prepared to support your own dream.
  10. by   lifelearningrn
    You can not live your life for your mother. I know you want to make her proud, but you can not sacrifice your life (the only one you will ever have) doing what she wants instead of doing what you want.

    Have you looked into nurse practitioners? It's something perhaps you and your mom can meet in the middle about..
  11. by   LadyFree28
    Quote from iPink RN
    The path is yours to make and not your mother's. So be prepared to support your own dream.


    Being 32 is GREAT! Heck, my 30s are WAAY better than my 20s....and since 40 is the new 20 for about a decade, heck, you only just begun.
  12. by   DadStudentPerhaps
    Tell your mom that nursing is an honorable profession that touches peoples lives in a positive way.

    Also, you can always advance your career after becoming a nurse. You can become a NP, PA, or even a Doctor of Nursing. There are other specialties you can migrate towards as well.

    Who knows, once your a RN for 20 years, you may even want to teach your skill to young impressionable minds. You can tell them how your mom tried to convince you to choose a different career but how happy you were that you pursued nursing.
  13. by   NurseGirl525
    I agree with LadyFree my 30s have been so much better than my 20s!!! In your 20s you know nothing and are just experiencing life as an adult. In your 30s, all of the petty drama and crap is out of the way and now you really enjoy life because you are still able to. While I am not excited about turning 40 in a couple of years, I look forward to enjoying my life that much more.
  14. by   HouTx
    Hmm - so that's a Tiger Mom, huh? Good to know.

    Actually, I think she (TG) made some fairly accurate statements about the 'world' of nursing -- but I'm not going to say which ones - LOL.

    Agree with PPs. Go ahead and coast along taking your pre-req's and gen ed courses. Then, when the time is right, make your decision and stick with it if you can deal with the consequences (loss of parental support). It's your life.