The following is a FICTION tale. I ask in advance for the pardon of those who do not share my black sense of humor.
And as the curtain rises...
The star of this show is Prudence, an 90 year old 80 lb. LTC Alzheimers patient, contracted, bedridden and poorly responsive. Prudence has an Advance Directive and an out-of-hospital DNR.
LTC Nurse: "Oh dear! Poor Prudence has a fever, crackles up to her earlobes, and is coughing yellow sputum! I fear she has aspirated! Prudence is a DNR, but because this is a change in status, I must notify Dr. Brilliance!"
Dr. Brilliance (arriving on a white steed wearing armour and a white hat): "This is indeed a change in status! Aspiration pneumonia is a potentially reversible condition. Transport Poor Prudence immediately to the ER!"
ER Nurse: "Great Scott! I have two code 3 ambulances arriving and a waiting room full of puking toddlers! I must transfer Poor Prudence to the Med-surg floor ASAP to make room for viable patients!"
Med-Surg Nurse: "Fie on the ER! They have sent me this patient with a blood pressure of 75/40, a heart rate of 140 and a respiratory rate of 36! Admittedly she is a DNR, but look at these orders! IV fluids, antibiotics, respiratory treatments, suctioning...clearly we are treating Poor Prudence aggressively, and I have five other patients. Can she not go to the ICU?"
ICU Nurse: "No, a thousand times, no! I have only one empty bed, and I am receiving a fresh MI from the ER! I do not have the room for a contracted, bedridden DNR! You must do the best you can."
Dr. Brilliance: "Behold! Poor Prudence is a DNR with a Directive, but she has aspiration pneumonia and she is clearly nutritionally challenged! Both of these are potentially reversible conditions. I must call my two faithful sidekicks! Dr. Gastro will insert a PEG tube and Dr. Pulmo will provide pulmonary support."
Sweet Penelope (Prudence's great-granddaughter): "Alas, poor granny! I would not want her to starve, or to struggle for breath. Yes, Dr. Brilliance, you must do what you can!"
Poor Prudence: "Good grief! I've put up with two days of this dreck, and I'm outta here! See you all on the other side!"
Sweet Penelope: "Oh, woe! Granny Prudence has croacked! What am I to do?"
Malpractice Lawyer (wearing black cloak and twirling his moustache): "Fear not, Sweet Penelope. I will take your case for gratis. If we uncover any substandard care among these devious healthcare professionals, we will avenge Poor Prudence's demise (and did I mention that we can make a boatload of moolah in the process?)"
Sweet Penelope: "My HERO!!!!"
And as the curtain falls, JeannieM comes running from the wings and flings herself, screaming, into the orchestra pit.
Thank you so much!!!! I knew my allnurse friends would understand...as the public in general never will. I had a kind of rough week, and I only wish this was as "fictional" as I've tried to make it sound. Please feel free to share your black humor with me. Maybe we can write a second act in which the Malpractice Lawyer is intubated with a tube for every orfice! ((((Hugs)))) JeannieM :kiss
unfortunately its one of those funny cuz its true jobbies
I have an idea for part two
it could be something like
attack of the killer management part 2 - prudences revenge!
she comes back in ghost form and reeks major havoc with the hospital , but spares the loving nurses any harm because of course, in the afterlife she realizes that they were the ones trying to advocate for her.
hopefully the malpractice lawyer gets impaled with a sharp sharp object or something
OK, for the few brave and gracious people who asked for a sequel, I stuck one out there ( having borrowed generously from Wendy's ideas)! Thanks so much for putting up with my new, bizarre form of venting!!! (((hugs))) to Allnurses!! JeannieM:kiss
That was most excellent indeed!!! Don't forget to add in part 2 about the son from the other side of the moon--who "flew' in as soon as he heard about poor ma's turn for the worse. (you know the son who never visits when he is in town--because he is too busy, and forgets to call on birthdays and holidays--cuz "mom has so many friends at the Happy Path to the LIGHT nursing home".
Well I say Dickie comes along and drools over the idea of a lawsuit. 'I was just about to see my mama for the last time--all I wanted to do was hold her hand'
"Uh, Dickie your mom lost her hands during the last hospital admission when she got them caught in the automated med cart, remember???"
So they are now suing for 17 million for pain and suffering (they are including all the pain 'mama' went through during her leg... opps hand amputation).
That was most excellent indeed!!! Don't forget to add in part 2 about the son from the other side of the moon--who "flew' in as soon as he heard about poor ma's turn for the worse. (you know the son who never visits when he is in town--because he is too busy, and forgets to call on birthdays and holidays--cuz "mom has so many friends at the Happy Path to the LIGHT nursing home".
Well I say Dickie comes along and drools over the idea of a lawsuit. 'I was just about to see my mama for the last time--all I wanted to do was hold her hand'
"Uh, Dickie your mom lost her hands during the last hospital admission when she got them caught in the automated med cart, remember???"
So they are now suing for 17 million for pain and suffering (they are including all the pain 'mama' went through during her leg... opps hand amputation).
Zumalong, if I hadn't already submitted a sequel, Dickie and the amputated hands would definitely have had a role. And I LOVE the "Happy Path to the LIght Nursing Home"! How about giving us a "Dickie" thread??? :chuckle Jeannie
Yeah, we need a Dickie thread! The public, who are the culprits, I mean actors here, don't believe this stuff happens! I hope you guys are going to get these published!! Great gift ideas for nurses!!
MQ Edna
1 Article; 1,741 Posts
Thank you so much!!!! I knew my allnurse friends would understand...as the public in general never will. I had a kind of rough week, and I only wish this was as "fictional" as I've tried to make it sound. Please feel free to share your black humor with me. Maybe we can write a second act in which the Malpractice Lawyer is intubated with a tube for every orfice! ((((Hugs)))) JeannieM :kiss