Ped client with a difficult mom! HELP!!

Specialties Private Duty

Published

Please everybody, I need to vent. Bear with me & help me please, lol...

Ok, I have been working with a child on a trach & vent for 2 months now. The mom works from home-unfortunately. Before I came along, she had 4 other nurses out there that she sent away because according to her, they were incompetent.

Right away, I could tell that the other nurses weren't the problem, it was her!! She claims that she likes me & that I take good care of her child, but she just started letting me give them a bath last month (I was a CNA for 6 years, think I know how to give a good bed bath). She won't let me do trach care, she insists on doing it not being clean or sterile with it at all, then complains when the child has an infection around the trach. Gee I wonder why??

She's extremely rude to me & to everyone but then wants to complain to me that she has no friends, no support & she's so burnt out. Complains she cant sleep at night because the noc nurses keep up so much noise.

I just recently switched from days to nocs. The first noc, I changed the child a couple of times & repositioned. When I was leaving in the morning, she didn't believe that I had changed the child because she didn't hear me in the room with the child (she has her bed in the child's room). I told her I intentionally kept quiet so I wouldn't wake her up. (Even though I can't stand her, I still try to be nice & caring). She kept asking me if I was sure I had changed them or not!!

Another reason why I think she doesn't care for me anymore is because I don't come to her house to hang out with her on my days off, I haven't gone hiking with her...she doesn't understand that I'm there to take care of her child, not be her friend.

I've been complaining to get out of there the first week I started and the company wouldnt let me! If I'm not happy with the client or their family & at times feel almost scared to ask a question because she's gonna snap, shouldn't they move me around?

Also, when it comes to the childs meds, the mom changes things & move them around because she thinks she knows everything. I try explaining to her, I have to follow the MAR. If you want to give this & give that then you have to do it yourself.

Aahhh!! Sorry, but it feels so good to vent to fellow professionals. Maybe someone can give me some advice on how to handle her?

The next step? I will have to quit!

Specializes in Geriatrics, Pediatrics, Vents, Trachs.
Give the mom tough love. You know how to care for the child better than her medically.[/quote']

Thank you!! I think what the mom needs more than anything is a friend right now & I cannot be both a friend to her & a nurse to her child. Because I love what I do & am good at it, I would have to choose to be a nurse.

Specializes in Peds(PICU, NICU float), PDN, ICU.

Thank you!! I think what the mom needs more than anything is a friend right now & I cannot be both a friend to her & a nurse to her child. Because I love what I do & am good at it, I would have to choose to be a nurse.

You can make her feel like you are a friend while maintaining professional boundaries. But parents like this almost never back off. They tend to be a waste of energy. They are even more tough when you have less experience. As I said before (and parents know this), trach/vent adults are different from peds. Its important not to come across as knowing it all with such little experience since parents are very offended by that. For examples...check some of the trach parent sites to get their point of view. I think by reading those sites, it really gives nurses a blunt point of view of what they really think about us. We all have been new nurses at one time, but most people don't want to be someones first patient. I've heard those type of parents say so many times that their child isn't there so some nurse can come practice on their child (even though we practice nursing). My rule is if the parent has a request that doesn't harm the pt and doesn't risk my license, I'll do it to keep them happy. I had a pt that the parent wanted a red string on his head to cure hiccups...it didn't harm the pt, no harm done to my license, and it wasn't worth explaining that it did nothing for hiccups. Its part of the job.

Specializes in Psychiatry.

Dear TCooks7,

I think that your license it at stake (forget about the job, that should be the least of your worries). She may do something so drastic and harm the child unwittingly (because she thinks that she knows everything) and then blame it on you. It would be your words against her. She may also be very litigious. If I were you, I'd ask the agency for a different assignment or look for another job.

It appears that you really, REALLY care about your client (the teenager). Otherwise you wouldn't have hung in there so long! From your avatar pic, it looks like you also have children. I feel sorry that your client (the child) is subjected to a revolving door of nurses. But, perhaps you should move on to another case. This situation sounds emotionally draining and unhealthy and there's no need to have it affecting your household and raising your own children.

Like someone stated, the mom seems like she would throw you and you RN license under the bus,.......... without blinking. Of course, don't quit until you have secured a new position within that same agency or elsewhere. Best wishes to you!

Specializes in Geriatrics, Pediatrics, Vents, Trachs.
Dear TCooks7,

I think that your license it at stake (forget about the job, that should be the least of your worries). She may do something so drastic and harm the child unwittingly (because she thinks that she knows everything) and then blame it on you. It would be your words against her. She may also be very litigious. If I were you, I'd ask the agency for a different assignment or look for another job.

I know!! That's what I was saying! She always wants me to hold this med, give this instead,, double this. I'm like, I have to follow the MAR. I can't give anything that is not on the MAR. But she doesn't care, because everything has to be her way. I've talked to them more & I was told they are trying to move me, but have to find a nurse that would fit her personality. So we will see!!:) Thanks!

Specializes in Geriatrics, Pediatrics, Vents, Trachs.
It appears that you really, REALLY care about your client (the teenager). Otherwise you wouldn't have hung in there so long! From your avatar pic, it looks like you also have children. I feel sorry that your client (the child) is subjected to a revolving door of nurses. But, perhaps you should move on to another case. This situation sounds emotionally draining and unhealthy and there's no need to have it affecting your household and raising your own children.

Like someone stated, the mom seems like she would throw you and you RN license under the bus,.......... without blinking. Of course, don't quit until you have secured a new position within that same agency or elsewhere. Best wishes to you!

I do really care for the teenager because her situation is extremely personal so me, which is why I'm still there, why I turned down a job last week to continue working there so that she wont go without nursing care. It is really draining to me. I use to be so excited to go to work, now I find myself arriving right on time & leaving out of the door right on time. She doesn't care about the fact that I have children. In the beginning she tried to get me to work 12 hr shifts, 5 days a week. I'm a single mom, with ny disabled child, I need to have time for them too...Thanks for listening & responding. It really gives me a peace of mind. Now I have to work the next 4 days with her. I'm sure ill be back complaining some more soon!! LOL!!

I had a Mom sorta like this on one case. I said to her "nuh uh, you are exhausted, you spend all your energy on your kiddo, you go do something for you or rest and I will do his treatment" , she loved that attention. I would compliment her dedication while doing his care. Everyone was happy.

Specializes in Geriatrics, Pediatrics, Vents, Trachs.
I had a Mom sorta like this on one case. I said to her "nuh uh you are exhausted, you spend all your energy on your kiddo, you go do something for you or rest and I will do his treatment" , she loved that attention. I would compliment her dedication while doing his care. Everyone was happy.[/quote']

That's a good idea! One of the other nurses actually got her out of the house right now! Freedom!! LOL...maybe that was all she needed & maybe now she will relax

Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

Wow, bless you for hanging in there! It sounds like this mom is really struggling with an overload of conflicting feelings . . I hope you can find a way to convince her to seek support even if it's just an online group.

You've already received lots of good advice so I'll just add my support and best wishes.

Specializes in Geriatrics, Pediatrics, Vents, Trachs.

I do not have to deal with her anymore! My replacement finished her orientation and I start a new case on Monday! I wish nothing but the best for the client and pray the mom treat this nurse better so that she can take care of her as well as I did!

Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
I do not have to deal with her anymore! My replacement finished her orientation and I start a new case on Monday! I wish nothing but the best for the client and pray the mom treat this nurse better so that she can take care of her as well as I did!

Congrats for you & I hope your new case works out better!

Specializes in pediatric.

tcooks7 (OP)-

Please make sure you document all of this, so if it does come down to "she said, you said," you will have written proof. Include dates and time of day. This is one way to protect your license in case it comes down to that. Some of it should be in your narrative notes as well ("Client's mom drew up X and asked nurse to administer, but nurse told mom that she would have to give it," for example).

I would also encourage you to look for another agency- one who supports their staff. It is up to you to maintain boundaries with the mom. It take two to tango, and if she chooses to "fire" you, then it seems you are better off anyway. The son is who is the real victim in all of this, as he doesn't have a choice or get to have a say in the matter. :(

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