Patients Say the Darnedest Things - WIN $250! Nurses Week Contest 2018

[Brian S.]

We've all been there. In our time as nurses, we've heard patients say some pretty wild things. Whether it's off-the-wall reasons for how they came to need medical care or something as seemingly mundane as a catchphrase which a patient uttered that resulted in you having a laughing fit; those memorable phrases, reasons or moments could win you one of two $250 Amazon.com gift cards courtesy of relode.

Dust off those memories and leave them in the comment form below. The two grand prize winners will be announced during National Nurses Week but have no fear - even if you don't win one of the grand prizes, we are giving away some cool runner-up prize packs to two more lucky winners!

We all know that patients say the darnedest things, let us hear your best! Thanks for all that you, our nation's nurses, do and Happy National Nurses Week!

Be sure to enter our two previous contests for more chances to win...

• Fill in the Blank Contest
• National Nurses Week Cartoon Caption Contest (sponsored bu rukuku)

Have fun!

[button=https://allnurses.com/national_nurses_week-info.html]National Nurses Week Celebration

30 Days of Celebration / 8 Days of Giveaways[/button]

UPDATED May 9 ... and the winner is...

As promised, the winners are posted below. Thanks for all of the awesome and creative entries!!! Feel free to share!

[GIbarbie]

The weirdest thing I have heard a patient say was their version of Eucerine cream.

A patient came in saying the pharmacist suggest this "urine cream stuff. I have been putting urine on my legs for three days now!" It took a while to figure out the patient meant eucerine lotion! The patient continued to call it urine for the next three days.

[brownbook]

I just remembered my husband's "darndest things". He had cataract surgery, so he tells people about his "cardiac" surgery! And he's had colonoscopies, so he tells people he had a "colostomy"!

Typical old person, boring people with their medical stories, and getting it all wrong to boot!

[toninurse57]

In the OR suite prior to meds

I am so sorry I am a grower not a show-er

Cystoscopy patient

[Nurse Beth, MSN]

Elderly female patient to young doctor while patting his hand:

"My, my, young man, you are such a good doctor! Have you thought about going on to become a nurse?"

[Lisnuhy]

Are you pregnant? No, that's just my belly... Oh, well you should not eat so much junk!

[mechunli2]

That they are a robot

[nrsang97, BSN, RN]

Elderly lady with dementia: "Just let me die so I can sue you." My response: Nope and that is not how a lawsuit works. I can't just let you die we are here to save lives.

She pulled out her NGT and I was the one putting it back in LOL.

[Nurse Beth, MSN]

I was getting my elderly patient ready for her cardiac angiogram. I asked her why she was having an angiogram.

She threw her hands up and said "Oh for heaven's sake, sweetie, I don't know! I take my Prozac every day just like my doctor told me to".

[guest317]

I was working nightshift on a diabetic renal unit, but we often got various medical cases transferred in from the intensive care units. This one night I had an elderly man who had a stroke and was transferred to our unit during the 3-11 shift. As I was making my rounds one night, I could hear two males voices coming from one of the rooms. I had rounded on my patient to find he wasn't in his bed!! I checked the floor, I checked the bathroom, no Mr.______. I even looked under the bed. My instinct was to follow the quiet conversation and as I approached the other patient's room I could hear, "Move over, c'mon. Move over. I don't have any room!" Another voice responded, "I'm on the edge now!" I began giggling in the hall, composed myself, and entered the room to find my patient in bed with the other one. The poor fellow was confused and thought he was in bed with his wife!!!!! The best part was my patient was the grandfather of one of the nurses!!!!

[Kittypower]

I think my mother passed, her blood pressure is only 64/32.

[japowell8]

a demented patient tells me I was is Nurse back in Viet Nam.

[JRNMS]

I know you're busy, but could you shave my legs? (as she was lying in the bed in full makeup, perfect hairdo and a peignoire jammie set I could never afford!) :)