With some of the things patients say, Nurses sometimes wonder if they are on a hidden camera TV show! Weird, wacky or even touching, those phrases stick with us. Think of your favorite thing a patient has said, submit it in the comments below and you'll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!
Winner will be announced May 16, 2017
UPDATE June 5, 2017
The winner of the $250 amazon.com gift card for favorite thing a patient has said from allnurses.com is user jndmj30 for:
One of my rehab patients did not have bowel movement for 7 days. After trying colace, senna, miralax and dulcolax suppository. Last resort remained was enema. But she refused.
While assisting her to toilet, she turned to me and seriously said " Nurse, wish me good luck, I am going for great mission now."
A patient I was caring for wheeled himself to the nurses station and seemed a little distressed. I went over to the patient and asked him how he was doing.
Patient: Well I've been better. My room smells like a French whore. I want to know why the hell my room smells like a French whore.
Apparently there was a bad smell in the room so the care partners sprayed something in the air. I told my charge nurse about the complaint to which we both checked out the room, which smelled pretty nice to me, and the charge nurse got a gel air freshener and put in the room. The patient was in therapies so I waited for him to come back and see if the smell was any better. His response:
'Now it smells like a French whore on a mountain'.
Patient had had her Foley pulled and needed to do her first post-Foley void. I opened the bedside commode and there was no measuring "hat" in it. I said, "Hang on one second let me go run and get a hat." She said, "Well I hardly think this is a formal event but if you think you need one..."
As I donned gloves to complete a head to toe assessment on my 90 year old patient, he informed me that he didn't want me looking at his catheter. I explained the reasoning and concerns I had as he had just been complaining of severe burning. As I walked closer he said, "Who are you? The official pecker checker?" My response...."Yes sir I am!" followed by a giggle...
Homehealth nurse here. Kept hearing a rooster doing his morning call. Said to patient, "Wow, must be a really loud rooster. Sounds like it's in the house." Patient: "That's because it is. The chickens all live in the house, duh." And that was not my first time with "house chickens." Another time a patient causally said to me, "Hope Jimmy doesn't walk on your car. He can really put a dent in it." Me: "Who is Jimmy & why would he walk on my NEW car?" Patient: "He's our goat. He really likes to walk on cars." Just.speechless.
I was on shift and doing my lunchtime accucheks... I ask my patient which finger would you like me to use. He proceeds to flip me the bird. I guess I got my answer. :)
Sadejanelle
2 Posts
Elderly female patient: You have beautiful lips
Me: Uhh Thanks?
Patient: I bet your husband loves you
Me: LOL thanks I'll have to ask him.
😂😂