Patients with long-standing family problems

[Pepper The Cat]

Just gotta vent here!

My last two shifts I've had to deal with one of my patients long-standing family problems.

Basically, my 80 odd year old pts 60 year old son feels like his parents have always liked his sister better.

so yesterday, he came in and yelled at his mother about something - I never heard the full conversation - and I spend the majority of my afternoon calming down my pt, convincing her that she did not need an Ativan to deal with this (then evening shift promptly gave her one to "relax her"), and talking to various family members about the incident.

Then today - the son shows up again.Starts yelling at his mother again - so, heart pounding, I tell him to leave as he is upsetting his mother. Thank God he did. Later, get call from pts husband, thanking me, and then asking how much trouble I was going to get in for doing this. Told him that I would not get into trouble, and if son came back and wouldn't leave we would call security to get him out if necessary. Husband says Thank You.

But my vent : What kind of a**hole comes to the hospital to yell at his mother? Geez people - give me a break here! I've got enough going on without having to play Judge Judy.

Sorry - vent over.

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

regarding the 40 yr old kids suing their dad for cs.....

my ex owes me over $100k in past due cs. i had to raise them without his financial help. my ex will die still owing the money. i have no tolerance for deadbeat parents. you aren't giving the ex the money....that money is for your kids! by suing that deadbeat in his dying days....they guarantee that he will pay what he should have years ago! they may be planning on supporting dear ol mom in her later years. you don't know what their intentions are. cs and the fed govt are priority debts....but they have to establish it first...and they have a right to it. he didn't give a darn about them for the past 40 yrs.....so why would you expect them to give a darn now? do you know how painful that abandonment was for them????

my ex husband owes over 60k in child support. in no way am i defending the father of these *children*. did you see that in my short post? no, i don't think so, however i do think it is quite funny that you did, considering my situation.

---------------------

i have a sis-in-law who used to tell me how to raise my kids. she was infertile and very angry about that. she would do the same to her brother's and their wives. we would all say the same thing.....you don't have children so you couldn't possibly know what it takes to raise them! (she would go on the attack....oh yeah right!!!! go ahead remind me i cant have children!!! -> it was always all about her!)

i have a son who has issues. i have struggled to help him help himself. it took a huge effort to get him a hs diploma! i ultimately had to force him out of the house. since then, we had to activate the security system and change the locks. he stole from me. my husband wants to put him in prison. (he actually believes prison would *help* him! lol ....yeah, help him to learn to be a better criminal?) anyway....knowing about how criminals cant get jobs....or get apts to rent to them....etc., i chose not to prosecute my own son. i can't do that. now, if he was arrested for some other cause and prosecuted by someone else....obviously, that i wouldn't stop... but, the anguish of being the one to put him there? can't do it. (oh, and yes, i know....he would have been the one to put himself there....)

if he is stealing from you, he has already stolen from other people and he will not stop stealing until his issues are resolved. i know a person that was put into prison for theft and had issues also. he spent 11 years inside prison (two different stents, because he didn't learn after only one year in prison) and he will tell you that it is the best thing that ever happened to him. it knocked him off his pedestal. it gave him a huge reality check and made him grow up and realize his actions have a bigger reaction than he could ever realize until he was locked up. reality is that you, as a mother will never prosecute him, but someone else will, and it will be even worse once he gets to that point in his *career*. just telling you, it won't be any easier on you or him once that happens. and it will happen, unless he stops right now.

family dynamics are tough. btw, i have 2 brothers who did the above to my parents. the didn't prosecute either. one is now married with 3 kids. the other is a otr truck driver doing fine. i guess that is why i hope my own son will grow up....

[color=sandybrown]i[color=olive] hope that he grows up and realizes it too, before the consequences are more than anyone wants to deal with. maybe a serious intervention is the way to go? i don't know, only you can know that. i also have a son who was raised by his dad the last 5 years because i couldn't handle him anymore. he thinks everyone owes him something and does not care that his actions cause a lot of pain to me and the other part of the family. there is nothing i can do to change him, i will not be giving him anything else until he can hold down a job and prove that he cares how anyone else feels when he decides to act that way. i would also never let him steal from me without prosecuting. he knows better than that. the consequences from me prosecuting him might be a tad easier than waiting for a major illegal event to happen and then prosecute.

sorry for the long post.... just thought a little insight from the other side might help someone here.

[color=olive]thanks for showing me and everyone else what it is like to be a victim of abuse, i didn't realize it happened that way. i had a friend a long time ago that i helped to get out of a situation like yours, although i don't think it was as bad, (it could have been but my friend never talked about it much). she has a much better life now, thank god, and is happy. she is safe and her children are safe from his threats. but boy oh boy, did we ever have a time getting him to stop calling the house and trying to manipulate her to come back home. it was terrible. we had to record the conversations and the attorney presented them in court when he was fighting to keep her two children. in the end, she won custody and was able to get on with her life and raising her children.

[Saifudin]

"Be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor.

And lower the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say; "My Lord! Bestow on them your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young."

Quran Chap. 17: V. 23-24

[rn2bnwi, BSN, RN]

Well issues or not ...................................they are family and I always like when family is around their loved.....or not so loved one. maybe im spoiled but we don't have to deal with that because you report to the charge 'family dynamics- social worker requested) and they come in or a clergy support person comes in (even if its 2 in the morning) and issues actually get resolved most of the time which is good for pt and all involved.

[FLmomof5]

EastTX,

I definitely appreciate your positon. BTW, as a side note...with the big font and bright red color....it felt like you were yelling at me. I had a hard time getting past that to read what you said! But, I did.

Thanks... :heartbeat

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

EastTX,

I definitely appreciate your positon. BTW, as a side note...with the big font and bright red color....it felt like you were yelling at me. I had a hard time getting past that to read what you said! But, I did.

Thanks... :heartbeat

Okay, sorry, I fixed it and turned it into green (yuck!) lol

[FLmomof5]

Thanks!!! Eaiser to read, but definitely and ugly color! LOL :bowingpur

[southernbeegirl, BSN, RN]

I just have a question. If she was upset, had an order for Ativan, why wouldnt you give that to her?

[RN1982]

Yeah, I don't see the point in "convincing" the patient that she didn't need an Ativan. Honestly, I think it's over-stepping the bounds a bit by saying "Oh you just need to calm down, you don't really need that ativan". What if she did need it? Perhaps, the night nurse asked the patient if she felt she needed it and the patient said yes. I think it's wrong to assume that the night shift nurse forced the ativan onto the patient. It's the patient's choice to take it or not.

I worked with a nurse who withheld Ativan from a vented patient with severe anxiety issues. Her rationale was that she needed to learn how to calm down. The poor girl, 30 yrs old mother of two, rapidly progressing cancer, tumors all over her body, was dying. Let her have the freaking Ativan. I'd want it too. The patient ended up dying about a week later.

[southernbeegirl, BSN, RN]

That's why I asked. I don't understand not giving it to her if she has an order for it and is anxious. It's not up to us, as the nurse, to decide if a patient needs a medication. obviously the doctor felt she did or she wouldn't have had the order. And this situation sounds like a perfect reason for taking the med. It was the statement that the next shift came on and promptly gave it to her made me feel the lady probably would have felt better had she not had to wait for a nurse that would follow an order.

I have worked with nurses that wouldn't give prn meds or would make a patient wait for a prn. for example...say a patient had a pain med at 3pm and it was ordered q4hrs and they requested it again at 645p. they would make the patient wait that 15 minits. why? why would you do that if a patient is in obvious pain. im not talking about drug seekers, but legit pain c/o after ortho surgery and therapy.

my first husband had long hair and tattoos. he also had porphyria. i saw him time after time labled a drug seeker and watched nurses play those powertrip type games and make him wait if it was even 5 minutes too early.

sorry to get off on a tangent.....but when i read that statement, i immediately thought "why not give it???".

anyhoos...i'm looking forward to the answer.

[SunnyAndrsn]

As someone in the middle of a family feud at the moment--disturbing long story--my conclusion is that there has to be mental illness involved.

The outcome of my family saga is that my SIL won't allow my sister and I to be a part of her children's or our brother's life any longer. If my brother was healthy, we wouldn't give a rip, he was not a very nice brother when he was healthy. However, he now has Huntington's disease (my sister and I are in the clear) and SIL was not around to witness our mother's illness. She thought it was perfectly acceptable to have another baby with someone who is so impaired by the HD that he's on disability. Oh yes, and to have the HD pt. be the primary caregiver for the baby as she works full time.

My sister and I did something about it--called DHS. Thus we are evil and not allowed to have contact with our brother. Our father is caught in the middle. So, when it is time for nursing home care, I'm sure my sister and I won't be allowed to see him.

Family sucks