Parental influence on college education

Purple_roses · Jul 31, 2015

That's an interesting question. From my experience with acquaintances and friends, the people who are excited about school are the ones who know what they want to do. I've met lots of people who couldn't really picture themselves far into the future and didn't know what they wanted, so they just slapped "Business" down under what they're major would be, and they weren't very passionate or excited about it. But the people who really know what they want to do one day are usually excited to get there.

Also, I think paying for your own college has something to do with how seriously you're taking it. You are paying hundreds and hundreds of dollars per class--of course you don't want to see that money fly out the window by getting mediocre grades.

I also think some people just have a different mindset altogether about school. Some people view it as a task they have to complete in order to get to their real lives, others enjoy the process, and I believe those people truly just enjoy learning, no matter what the subject is.

Good luck to you in you schooling!

mirandaaa · Jul 31, 2015

This is a great post.

My mom and I clashed big time from middle school up until about a year or two after I moved out at 17. I have a huge issue with being told what to do and find myself doing the opposite (I get it from my dad; and no, this does not include getting instructions from teachers/bosses).

All through school she pushed and pushed me to get good grades and do my homework and the more she tried pushing, the less interested I was. Of course now that I'm older and paying my way through school the hard way I definitely regret that choice.

I think some people have a passion for education early on because they can see how important it is before others (like myself) can see it.

I'm very passionate about my education now and very grateful to have the opportunities I now have. I think sometimes it just takes people a little longer to realize what they want to do and how they need to focus on it.

Katieaok · Jul 31, 2015

Thank you so much for your replies, I love to understand others viewpoints on this subject!

Mirandaaa, you sound like a carbon copy of myself. I also was rebellious when pushed to try harder in school and I ended up moving out at late 16 early 17 years old. It isn't easy, and I wish I could have changed my own mind about moving out, but it has forced me to grow up by learning so many adult life lessons early on. Even before turning 20..

And the love for my education came soon after learning those lessons... I didn't see myself waiting tables for the rest of my life, I knew I belonged in healthcare, so I worked my ass off to get there and now I'm starting my RN program in two weeks. Thank God :)

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jul 31, 2015

I'm a first-generation college graduate, but had to walk through the School of Hard Knocks to get to where I am today.

I grew up in a working-class household where neither parent had any college experience. My mother and father came of age in the 1970s when a young person could secure a decent blue-collar job right out of high school that would pay enough to support a family. Since they made it through life without college, they figured I could do the same.

I had been accepted to several state universities during my 12th grade year, but my parents refused to provide their financial information, so I was unable to complete the FAFSA. Consequently, I was unable to obtain federal student loans, so I put off my dream of attending school for another five years.

During those five years I remained in the entry-level workforce, bought a house, built my credit, and positioned myself for an inevitable return to school. I was working a hard-labor factory job and knew it wasn't for me.

When I returned to school at age 23, I paid for the tuition with a private student loan because I still didn't qualify for federal loans. Since I was not yet 24, I was still legally a dependent student even though I lived alone and supported myself.

I completed an LVN program at age 24, an LPN-to-ASN program at age 29, and an RN-to-BSN program at age 34. I am due to start a MSN program next month. Although I wish I had accomplished these educational goals earlier, it's better late than never.

As to my college education, my parents love me but they've always been totally hands off. They are alienated by the bureaucratic realm of higher education and lack basic information, such as the length of a traditional semester or how many credits one would need to earn a BA or BS degree.

It would have been nice to have more parental support for college instead of a sink-or-swim attitude, but I would have gotten nowhere by throwing my hands up and whining about the circumstances in which I was born.

We must realize that higher education is not an automatic rite of passage for everyone. Two-third of all adults in the US are without a college degree.

BecomingNursey · Jul 31, 2015

I think a lot of it depends on how mature you are with how you consider your time in college. I moved out of my parents home at the age of 18 and had already had to "grow up fast" due to be the eldest child of 6. My mom needed my help, so I rose to the challenge.

My Mom completely supported my college education (emotionally) and my Dad did not. My mom never went to college and my dad graduated from college when I was older. Financially, thankfully I was able to get federal funding to pay for most of my college and paid cash out of my own pocket for the rest. My Dad is very conservative and wanted me to get married and be a stay at home Mom (there is nothing wrong with that! I support stay at home moms) and to let my husband support me. I'm much too independent for that and frankly need a "break" from my daughter. Lol She's amazing and I love her but work gives me some time away and I need that.

Anyhow, I think how hard you have to fight to go to college and your maturity level ultimately will determine what your mind set during college is. Not everyone is developmentally an adult at age 18, as I'm sure we are all aware

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · Jul 31, 2015

I think it depends on how much value was put on education growing up. I grew up in a lower middle class family I'm going to guess. We weren't in poverty or anything but we were not well off. Neither of my parents were college educated. They married young and had 3 kids young. My mom was 21 when I was born. Her and my dad married at 19. I never wanted for anything growing up, but now as an adult, I can see how creative my mom was when it came to making dinner for 5 people, and how they often worked 2 jobs, and my peanut butter sandwich I used to take for lunch. My dad took the city bus to and from work. But, my family was very close growing up. I lived 2 blocks from my grandparents and about 4 my cousins. I had a great group of kids in my neighborhood and we played outside from sun up until the street lights came on. My grandfather taught me about work ethic and family.

I was much different than my brother and sister when it came to school. I hated it. I struggled with it. My main focus was my social life and I had no intention of going to college. I definitely lived in the moment back then. My brother and sister both went to college. My brother graduated with 2 bachelor degrees and my sister with her doctorate. I married young and my husband and I worked hard and saved and built a life. Neither of us had a college education but we owned 2 homes completely paid for, a couple of cars that were paid for and a nice savings account and retirement going. On paper we were millionaires. From the outside looking in, life looked perfect for us. We are divorced now. Two years later and people are just now coming to me and letting me know they knew my life wasn't as perfect and I liked to make it seem.

I'm in college now and I have done very well since returning 2 years ago. I've surprised myself at how well I have done. I didn't know I had it in me to be able to do this. And I'm not going to get into everything as to why I didn't necessarily go to college when my siblings did. I know greater emphasis was placed on it to them over me, but I'm very strong willed and stubborn and probably would not have listened to advice the advice anyway.

When speaking to any child about furthering their education, they need to understand why education is important. Why it's important to do well. Work ethic needs to play into that. There are plenty of college-educated people who skated by in college and will continue to skate by in life. If there is no solid work ethic, people are just wasting money in college. Fortunately, work ethic was drilled into our heads as kids with me and my siblings. We know nothing is handed to you in life. Other people have everything handed to them in life. College isn't going to do much for them.

I read an interesting article a little while ago about how depression is rising among college freshman and the effects of being an over-bearing parent who never lets their child make a decision or lets them deal with disappointment. Then they get to college and are overwhelmed which leads them into depression. It was a very good read and helped me maybe rethink a few things I am doing with my own child.

Katieaok · Jul 31, 2015

I read an interesting article a little while ago about how depression is rising among college freshman and the effects of being an over-bearing parent who never lets their child make a decision or lets them deal with disappointment. Then they get to college and are overwhelmed which leads them into depression. It was a very good read and helped me maybe rethink a few things I am doing with my own child.

Could you please share that article? Im interested in reading that!

Katieaok · Jul 31, 2015

Your lives amaze me, different backgrounds and support systems, yet we all have gotten to the point sometime in life where we have put our dedication to becoming better people ahead of everything else.

I agree that blue collar jobs are great as well, my grandfather was well off and owned his own landscaping business, my step father is in sales making 6 figures after working in tape factories for 20 years, my boyfriend works at a large American made car manufacturing plant and will be making more than what i will be making graduating as an RN with him having minimal college education. There are so many great ways of accomplishing your dreams and becoming successful, whether it be making enough money in a job or trade you love, to have and provide a comfortable life for your family, or continuing your education and achieving your dream of receiving the degree which you feel will give you a happy and comfortable life.

I guess it all does come down to preference and maturity as well. I see so many that have so much potential, in pursuing their education or pursuing a hard working job or trade, but they don't have the maturity or work ethic which was mentioned earlier to apply themselves and accomplish what they started.

Life is not easy, and so many waste time complaining about life being unfair and hard, but if they just took a deep breath and realized that THEY are in control of their future, I think there would be a lot less complaining and a lot more success in this world!

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jul 31, 2015

My point to this post is I am trying to understand why some students have such a huge passion for education while others don't.

I should mention one afterthought...

My early and middle childhood years were far from comfortable. Sometimes the refrigerator and cupboards were empty, which would mean I didn't always get something to eat. The electricity was once disconnected for a stretch of time due to non-payment, and my mother's car was repossessed. My parents lived a hand-to-mouth existence, partly due to poor financial choices, partly due to impulsiveness, and partly due to my father's drug habit.

My father struggled in the labor market once he reached his mid-30s. This was in the early 1990s, which was a recessionary period when structurally permanent changes were plaguing a certain subset of people in the employment market, namely those with limited education and outdated skills.

Since I grew up wanting for many things that others take for granted (food, uncrowded shelter, enough money to exist), I viewed education as the ticket to a life that was less harsh than the one my parents lived during my growing-up years. Now I can flip a light switch and not worry about whether the room will be lit. Now I can eat what I want, catch a flight without worrying how to pay, and save enough money to go without working for several years.

TexRN, BSN, RN · Jul 31, 2015

I goofed off in college in high school (I did both) ... I don't know why I didn't take it seriously. Fast forward 6 years after graduating highschool. I spent 5 years in the army and got a degree as a lab tech. The military taught me discipline. I got married and had two children. I am now one of the most driven people I know. My kids are my inspiration. I used to think that was so cliche. But I want to be like your parents, my toddler's are watching me get my education and I want that to be a positive influence so that they can come onto all nurses 16 years later saying my mom instilled the value of education in me. ;-) it also wasn't until I had my babies that I wanted to become an ibclc (just took the test on Monday btw) and become an rn. When I birthed my son 100% drug free in Feb 2013 it really made me feel like I could do anything in the entire world. And I started my journey that summer. Cheesy I know. But it's the truth.

augurey · Jul 31, 2015

It's very interesting reading everyone's response to this!

We were never well off. I'll start off by saying that my mom never went to college. The importance of (higher) education was never pressed upon her by her family, so she just never went. She never really thought much of it. Even then, she's dedicated herself to working hard and has continued to work her way up and is doing very well today. She's not rich by any means, but given the fact that she doesn't have a college education, she's doing very well.

My dad was in the Air Force. He retired almost 30 years ago due to his health. Because of his health, he ended up struggling with depression. He rarely ever held down a job. Several years after my parents had divorced, he tried college. Dropped out. Tried college again. Dropped out. Several times. The VA paid for school for him, so the financial aspect never impacted him.

My parents were always stressing the importance of good grades during school. I don't ever remember them being harsh, but they expected to us to apply ourselves. My brother went to college right after high school for CAD. It wasn't all that far into his education that he told my parents that CAD isn't what he wanted to do now that he's taken some classes and has a better idea of what was involved. My parents urged him to stay and just get his degree in CAD. He graduated after two years, but he has no use for his degree because it wasn't what he wanted. He's doing very well at a bank, having earned several promotions. He's happy.

For me, I first started struggling with depression in high school. On one hand, I didn't care about my grades or school because I couldn't really see my future. Besides my grades being important to my parents and knowing I'd get in trouble if I did poorly, there was another part of me that cared very much about my grades. Regardless of how I was feeling then, I also knew that these grades would follow me throughout life. I was a lazy perfectionist. I expected myself to get As, but I still found myself doing homework right before class and not studying. I still managed to graduate with a very high GPA. I turned myself around a lot during my senior year, which really helped.

I knew at a young age that I wanted to get into nursing. I took a Medical Assisting class during the last two years of high school. I loved it, but I was terrified of having someone's life in my hands. If I couldn't take care of myself, how could I take care of someone else? I went to college after I graduated because I felt that was what was expected of me by my parents. If I didn't go to college, what else would I do? I don't really recall my parents going in either direction in regards to me going to college or not. I think they were just relieved that I graduated high school, for everything that had gone on during my high school career.

I wasn't ready for college. I stayed in the dorms and got a part time job in the library. I had no idea what I wanted to do anymore since I didn't think I would succeed in nursing. In the beginning, I handled college fairly well. Then I ended up with a dorm room to myself. I cut myself off from my family. I started isolating myself, stopped studying, and stopped going to classes. I began struggling with depression again. Except I tried hiding it, pretending nothing was wrong. I managed to just get by that semester to have earned a couple of decent grades. The rest, not so much. I continued during the spring, but everything escalated quickly. I quickly stopped going to class. I barely left my dorm room. I stopped speaking to people. I only talked to my mom so that no one would suspect that I was struggling. I finally acknowledged there was a problem, withdrew and went back home.

I tried working. I couldn't hold down a job. I think I learned this from my dad. If you're depressed, it doesn't mean you have to hold down a job. It was very much a mixed signal, seeing my mom work so hard, and then me following in my dad's footsteps of depression.

By 21, I moved out on my own, maintained employment. Finally a few years later I thought I'd give college a try again. The bigger challenge? Still battling the depression and working full time. My parents were supportive of me working and going back to school. I did better getting through my first semester, but starting the second semester, I realized I couldn't handle working and going to school. As I had my own place with bills to pay, I opted to withdraw. I felt like a failure for this, and that this was my last opportunity to go to school, and I blew it.

I continued working at the same place. I continued working through my depression. There were periods were I did relatively well (though still struggling), and other times it felt impossible. I woke up one morning and decided that this wasn't how I wanted my life to be. And I stopped being depressed. It still stuck around to a degree, but I pushed through it. I challenged my thoughts and stopped letting it interfere. (This feels like such a distant past as I'm not even recognizable now from the person I used to be)

A few months later I met my husband, transferred to an office within the same company that was closer to him, got married, and started a family. I thought since I had my last chance at school that I could just be happy with a husband, kids, and a job that, while I didn't love it, I didn't mind going in every day. After we had our daughter, I thought I couldn't be any happier, but I realized there was something missing in my life. I kept telling my husband that I really wish I could go back to school for nursing, but I never thought it was going to be possible at all. Eventually, it became a reality. I chose the wrong school initially, but I'm back on the right path.

For me, it wasn't that I didn't care about education. I think it was timing, knowing what I wanted to do, being ready, and just being healthy (mentally and physically). I finally found a place and time in my life where I meet all of those things. I have a lot of debt because of my past and am getting even more into debt. I wish I would have waited until I was ready as I wouldn't have so much debt as well as a poor GPA, but at the same time, I feel like it was all a lesson in life. One I can pass onto my children. While my grades in college back then were poor, I've been able to prove myself with my former school. In fact, while my GPA at my former school wasn't factored in because of the lack of accreditation, I believe it was still the reason I got into the school I'm starting in a couple of weeks. While I can't change my past, I had shown them of what I can do now. It's been a challenge to try and prove myself.

My husband is very big on academics. He wants our kids to go to college right after high school. While I do want them to do very well from elementary, middle, and high school, I also don't feel college is necessary right after high school. I hope that they value education and that they do want to go to college, but I also don't want to see them struggle the way that I did. I would be thrilled if they went after high school, but I also wouldn't think less of them and would absolutely support them if they wanted to defer college until they were ready. When I look at my daughter, I can see her going in either direction. She's still very young, but I can tell that she's intelligent and that she's going to go places some day. I see her doing very well in college. She's also a very free spirit. I can also see her wanting to travel or experience other things in life before deciding on what she wants to do in life (as a career).

Edited To Add: Sorry, I didn't realize this was so long!