Parental influence on college education

[Katieaok]

I grew up in a upper middle class home, although we didn't live a lifestyle that would match our fiscal title, we were classified as so. My parents always saved money, were very, and are still very frugal. We still went on the occasional vacation but we didn't wear name brand clothing or buy name brand groceries. We lived comfortably and happily.

Both my parents graduated from a University with a degree in two successful feilds, I was born while my mother was still in college so when I was 3-4 I went with her to some of her college assignments/internships (she was blessed to be able to bring me with her). I have memories of seeing mom working so hard to improve her education, not just for me but for herself and for our family. My father as well, I was involved in them getting their education although memories are scarce considering I was a toddler but I remember and felt the impression it made on me watching my parents better themselves.

I hadn't realized until a few years back how important my education was to me, for so long I was rebellious, being forced to make a 5 year plan as a teenager would make me so angry and upset. I didn't want to think about my future, and didn't understand at the time how much work it would take to get where I am today. Luckily I am able to realize the importance of continuing my education now and bettering myself, so that I can be the best person I can be and be able to provide my future family with the life my parents gave my siblings and I growing up.

I cherish my education and I owe it all to my parents for showing me early in life, that education is a special thing. It isn't something everyone has as a priority. And it is frustrating seeing people on campus, not care about making it to class on time, or turning assignments in on time, and not paying attention in class.

I pay for my education, so I want to get my money worth and learn as much as I possibly can.

My point to this post is I am trying to understand why some students have such a huge passion for education while others don't. Please don't take me as errogant, I do understand people have other priorities in life, and it takes focus away from school. Im mainly focusing on those that enroll in classes and have nothing else in life going on that would distract them from class and they complain about all the assignments and tests and lectures and labs, when they have all the time in the world to study and pay attention and take advantage of the resources they have at their college/university.

Im curious if my current viewpoint on education, it being a gift I've been given and working hard to learn as much as I can, has been influenced by watching my parents in college, or if it stems from me wanting to better myself, and acheive my dreams.

I have support, and not everyone has that, would I be less dedicated to my education if I didn't have the support I do have?

Is that the reason why Jane doe and John smith don't have such a strong passion for their education, because the lack of a support system or they simply arent passionate about bettering themselves?

Just curious if others have had this frustration in class and wondered others opinions on how my upbringing has effected my outlook on college education or if its simply chance that I'm passionate about it.

I start my ADN program in two weeks and I'm just doing some self evaluating and soul searching so I have a clear mind when I start this incredible journey!

I appreciate everyones opinion! :)

[Katieaok]

I hope to give birth without any drug assistance as well! Thats so admirable !

[Katieaok]

It feels like you've walked in my shoes. From leaving early, to entering college when I wasn't ready therefore grades suffered, I didn't want to go to class so I didn't. I didn't pay attention in class... But at home I wasn't taken care of well either, by myself and others.. I got to the point where I gave myself the ultimatum.. Either take care of yourself, or life is going to go downhill from there. I changed my lifestyle, my relationship, where I lived, and I started focusing on myself. I became healthy, happy and felt in control of my life again. I had entered the healthcare field while in school pursuing RN school then MSN.. 3 years later I am still living happily, comfortably with an amazing supportive boyfriend and family and a dog that is my baby at the moment, well besides nursing school, lol.

All of the hardships I went through at the time seemed like the world was caving in on me and i wasn't being treated fairly. Once I realized I'm in control of my future, I started doing better in life. I liked having control of my future as an adult. I guess that comes from having divorced parents, when he future wasn't guaranteed, it made me feel uneasy, and depressed as well.. Hence why I left my parents home at 16, it was time for me to take control of my own life. Only I was a child still and being in the big world as a child has taught me most of what someone needs to know to have a happy and productive life, at age 21.

Amazing post augurey!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

My folks were poor -- no plumbing or electricity poor. Heating with wood poor. We lived on a farm, so we weren't hungry but we were poor. Neither of my parents had any education past high school, and got married the summer after they graduated. My father announced on the day of my high school graduation "I hope your boyfriend gives you a ring for graduation, because you aren't going to be able to make it through college." I got angry, and I moved out the next day. I worked three jobs at a time in the summer, two in the school year and I made it through my BSN program (without a scrap of help) in five years. I don't remember my college years as being a whole lot of fun -- I was so relieved to get my first nursing job because that meant I only had to work one job and I actually got two days off a week.

Later, my parents told everyone that they "raised Ruby to be independent and to value an education." Bull hockey! I studied hard and did well because I didn't want to be trapped in a dead end job with a minimum wage income. And I certainly didn't want to marry my high school boyfriend!

My S/D was told from the get go that her father and I would finance four years of school . . . she had a blast during college. We paid all of her school expenses and her mother gave her money for trips to Europe and the Caribbean, partying, clothes, a car . . . . S/D graduated with a solid C in a liberal arts major. Of course she couldn't get a job. So she spent six months bumming around Europe on her mother's dime. I'm not sure when -- or if -- she'll ever get a real job. Right now she's working as a ski instructor in the winter, a scuba instructor in the summer. I'm sure the job is lots of fun, but the pay and benefits suck. She wrecked her third car last month and her mother bought her a new one.

My conclusion, I guess, is that the harder you have to work for your education the more you value it. And it's possible to do too much for your kids. Kids who know they're going to get to college and someone else will pay for it sort of take it for granted. Kids who know their mother will buy them a new car or pay their rent or for that next degree don't have the incentive to save money or work for things on their own.

[Katieaok]

My conclusion, I guess, is that the harder you have to work for your education the more you value it. And it's possible to do too much for your kids. Kids who know they're going to get to college and someone else will pay for it sort of take it for granted. Kids who know their mother will buy them a new car or pay their rent or for that next degree don't have the incentive to save money or work for things on their own.

I love your outlook on this topic.

I am sorry for your rough upbringing, but it sounds like it formed you into the person who you are today. I know i say the same things about my tough past, it formed me into who I am now!

[augurey]

All of the hardships I went through at the time seemed like the world was caving in on me and i wasn't being treated fairly. Once I realized I'm in control of my future, I started doing better in life.

I think that sometimes that's half the battle! I remember thinking about much energy being "depressed" took. I say "depressed" because I really think it was a situational depression that I kind of just clung to. It started after my parents got divorced. From there, my mom and I did nothing but argue. From screaming matches to my mom telling me to get out of the house, to me moving in with my dad. Our screaming matches continued for another 4-5 years. I'm not proud of who I was back then, but I really think I had some issues that stemmed from the divorce that was just never really addressed. Even in therapy I acted like I was fine.

So I moved in with my dad because my mom and I really couldn't be under the same roof. My mom wasn't perfect, but I never gave her the credit she deserved. I know, now, that she really was doing her best, and I really didn't make it any easier on her. We have an excellent relationship now though, so I wouldn't change it for the world as I think we needed to go through that to get where we are today.

I couldn't stay with my mom. In my dad's depression, not to mention his continuing battle with his health, he turned to drugs. We had our utilities shut of numerous time (heat, electric, water). Very poor living conditions that would have likely had me removed from the house had anyone else known. I wouldn't even have friends over because I was so embarrassed of our house. I took cash advances on my credit card to help pay utilities or to help pay the mortgage. I also went into debt for him. At that time I was unaware of any drug issues.

So I would say that my depression was a result of all of that, but then when I moved out, I clung to it because it was familiar. It was what I had known for 4 years. It was how I coped with everything.

But you are right about realizing you have control of your future. I don't know if that would be the case for everyone as I think sometimes people have to fight their battle first (and some may just never get there). Once I realized how much energy went into everything encompassing my depression, feeling sorry for myself, and hating myself, I realized it just wasn't worth it. I knew there was something better out there for me, but I would never get there if I kept letting depression bring me down (and I think a lot of it was fear of success, so depression became a crutch). I know fear played a big part of it. I became successful in losing weight, but then I'd self sabotage. Every time something positive was happening in my life, I self sabotaged and blamed it on depression rather than owning up to it and/or taking control.

Once I made the decision to let it go, it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I honestly started seeing the world so much differently. It was actually quite overwhelming at first because there was a whole new rush of emotions coming at me at once, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. I'd laugh, and I'd cry, and I realized how good it felt.

There are still days that I have to make the decision on whether I let something get to me or move on. I think it can be easy to slip back into it, but knowing how much better life can be and how much better life can get, I continue to choose life. I haven't regretted choosing life over depression. And the days that it's hard, I have my husband and my daughter who show me that it'll be okay.

[Katieaok]

You took the words right out of my mouth. My mother an I were in the same situation before I had moved out. And part of me wishes that we didn't have to go through that battle, because now I see that all she was trying to do was help me. Luckily I too realize that now, and I have a wonderful relationship with my mother as well. My father is still around and supportive, but I think he has trouble times accepting the hell I put him through as a teen so our relationship still hasn't blossomed like I hoped it would, that day will come though, because he is my dad and has been there for me every step of growing up and becoming who I am. I just hope he and I can get to a point where our relationship is just as strong as mom and i relationship is.

They're both very proud of me for following my dreams and I think youre right that in order to get where we are now, we had to go through the rough times.

I would change the past, if it didn't effect the present!

[Katieaok]

I was in the same situation with my grandfather as you were with your dad, different timelines and crutch. He was an alcoholic and was an angry man, I didn't see much of that but looking back I can see why he was so quiet and reserved. I was his first grand baby so he was the best grandpa a grandpa could be. He ended up dying of liver failure due to the alcoholism.

I'm sorry your father subjected you to that at such a young age. I don't drink now even at 21 probably because of watching what alcohol did to my Pappap. Its hard to go through watching your loved one hurt themselves and those around them.

[midazoslam]

This is an interesting read. Thanks for sharing all of your experiences.

I left home at 18, after being accepted into uni. My father and I were at loggerheads and he never took the time to understand me, and was a super hard orifice.

Both of my parents were immigrants in the 70s, and both had blue collared jobs. My mother became a stay at home mother when she had children. After the marriage ended and they split, she became a Personal Care Assistant.

I'm the first in the family to go to uni, finish uni, work professionally and have a Master's degree. However I was not congratulated for it, or offered support.

I wasn't supported financially or emotionally; my father always expected me to perform academically though... For years when I was at uni he would call me "Doctor Doe" in front of others as though as he was ashamed I was going to become a nurse. He berated me when I said I wanted to work in mental health or palliative care. I couldn't win.

Financially, I had to work my butt off for three years because I was considered "dependent", despite the fact that I was out of home and was financially supporting myself. That took a toll on my health as a whole. I was finally able to qualify for assistance through Centrelink which was a major relief.

Fast forward to now and I am still financially and emotionally independent. No approvals needed from here. Learning to be self sufficient was a hard task at a young age, but I made it. I'm proud of my resilience and tenacity.

[K+MgSO4, BSN]

My father left school at 14 as he was expected to help on the farm (this used to be the age when you could leave school 50 years ago) he left home at 20 and went to work in Dublin on building sites and then made his way to England where he learned to drive a digger and worked his way up to site foreman and sub contractor.

My mother finished school, did a secretarial service course and went to New York and 5 years later went to England.

They married and bought a house with a very small bank loan. Due to the marriage ban in England during the early 80s mum stopped working. Us kids came along and she had 3 under 18 months (set of twins straight after me). Then came the recession of the early 90s and Maggie Thatcher. Being from where my father is from he had a similar accent to the Northern irish who were involved in sectarianism. Not the best situation to be in when looking for contracts to build. We never went hungry because dad worked constantly doing any kind of labouring work. Mum started a small childcare business from home. At the same time granny was living in Ireland on the farm dad had bought and in the house he had built with no mortgage. She was deteriorating so we moved to Ireland.

A very good thing we did because the abdominal pain mum had been complaining of for 3 years in England was diagnosed as a tumour and resected.

Dad decided that it was best to not work at the level he could but run the farm and work for himself doing small jobs such as site foreman on individual house builds so he could be around for us.

Growing up education was always massively important. Looking back I am sure that my dad would of been an engineer or architect if he had the chance because he could grasp maths that he had never studied very quickly.

When mum became terminal she made my father promise that we kids would all have a qualification to our name. While my brother struggled academically he flourished with trades and is a carpenter and roofer and went and got himself another trade certificate as a steel erector when the economy tanked in Ireland. He works in the UK.

I was always the model child, good grades, part time job, knew what I wanted to do. sailed through nursing school. Left Ireland when the economy tanked and am working in Australia as a quality improvement consultant, dad would love for me to come home but I own my house (mortgage) and have opportunities to progress professionally that people I studied with just don't.

My sister is still in Ireland with 2 degrees one in law and one in accounting and is a forensic accountant.

So I think my dad can say he kept his promise to my mother.

[midazoslam]

What a beautiful and heart warming story, Potassium Magnesium Sulfate.

It sounds like you are all a bunch of well rounded and smart kids. Your mum will be super proud of you all.

PS, where in Aus are you?

[K+MgSO4, BSN]

Thanks midazoslam. Im in Melbourne.

[midazoslam]

Awesome! I'm in rural NE Vic :)