Overstimulated and man problems but I am a good nurse

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Jul 15, 2011

You don't have the proper work/life balance. It's hard to achieve.

You don't want your next thread titled:

Overworked, lonely, who cares if I'm a good nurse?

You need to cut back on your hours. That workload is Ree-dic-U-lous.

Your man, your peace of mind and your dog are worth more than anything you can possibly get from work.

SprightlySparrow, BSN, RN · Jul 15, 2011

Sweetie, life is about balance, and it sounds like you're a tad off. I understand having to work overtime to make ends meet (I too must work hectic hours), but if you don't take a break from your crazy work schedule, you'll burn out and soon won't enjoy your home life OR your work life. Try to maybe cluster your days together a bit and take more days off in a row...that helps me anyway. Either way, slow down or you'll crash and burn before you ever really even started! This job is a marathon, not a sprint :)

SprightlySparrow, BSN, RN · Jul 15, 2011

Completely agree 100% with "Been There, Done That"

ooper3076 · Jul 15, 2011

Now that schedule was the last 3 weeks and overtime is mandatory and that will end in 2 weeks. I usually have weekends off and my schedule really hasn't been bad, usually work 2 days at a time then a couple days off. I was just complaining about the overstimualtiond and if u you all feel like that and how to unwind. I was trying to figure out another way to explain to him about the crap at work. Thanks for the replies :)

*Posh* · Jul 15, 2011

I had the same man problems a few years ago. I finally sat him down one day (when things were neutral) and just told him to let me unwind an hour or so when I get home. I told him that I've spent 12+ hours caring for people and I need that time to care for myself and no one else. He stopped taking it personally after that. So these days, since he gets home before I do, he has dinner ready when I get home. I can take a hot bath and drink a glass of wine and the evenings are great. It takes communication! Oh, and I flat refuse to work more than 3-12's a week. You get burned out like that and your personal life suffers for it. Good luck, girl! It'll work out for you...

rn/writer, RN · Jul 15, 2011

You have too many years ahead of you not to get this figured out early on.

What you experienced was a stress overload and, yes, overstimulation. When newborn babies are overwhelmed with sensory stimulation they go to sleep. It's the only way they have to turn off the sensations that are bombarding them.

If you can explain to your boyfriend what this feels like and what you need and that it certainly isn't meant personally, maybe the two of you can come up with a routine that allows you a de-stressing time before you join him. There may even be times when you are so revved up that you have to just take your space for most of the evening.

You might also want to contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at work for some help with finding balance and managing stress overload. Counseling with them usually starts out free for a certain number of sessions, and then they refer you to qualified people if you need more. They can also include your boyfriend in some of the counseling to help explain to him what is happening.

I encourage you to do this so that you don't fall into the common pitfalls that can come your way if you're not prepared. Insomnia. Unhealthy eating. Depression. Isolation. Drinking. Illness. Anger. Mood swings. Relationship conflict. Our minds and bodies can take only so much before they say, "Enough already!"

All of this counts double if you work nights. DH and I have worked nights for years, and most of the time it's a real blessing. But when there are stressors, it's too easy to get messed up. Insomnia, isolation, and depression can sneak up on you before you know it.

If we've both had a bad night, we come home, make some food and watch something mindless we've recorded. We snuggle a bit before sleep and may not have said more than a handful of words the whole time. When we get up, we're usually feeling much better.

Once the overtime ends, don't be in any hurry to pick up extra hours for a long time. Your job is demanding. With a lot of overtime, that morphs into punishing, even if you're doing it well.

I commend you for recognizing that you need help. Include your boyfriend in the counseling/brainstorming. Find out what he needs as well.

The more seriously you take your own needs now, the less chance there is that you'll burn out before you're thirty.

Ruthfarmer · Jul 15, 2011

i wholeheartedly agree with what everyone else has said about balance in your life. it's not balanced.

there's something else here that i would point out that is equally unhealthy. it would seem to appear that perhaps it maybe that your entire identity is invested in being superhero cardiac nurse. i don't say that with any intention to hurt your feeling or to make fun of you, at all.

"i work night shift on a very busy interventional cardiology floor. i have been a nurse for a little over a year and i am proud to say i am a darn good nurse and proud of it :) my schedule is crazy, been in overtime since october. in the last 3 weeks i have worked 1 day on, 1 day off, 3 days on, 1 day off, 3 days on, 1 day off, 2 days on, 1 day off, 3 days on. i am whooped! "

"each one of them and there families were wonderful and brought me dinner and on the morning of my last shift i got hugs and thanks. its a good feeling and i am addicted to that feeling. thats why i am so good at my job :redpinkhe"

working such a frantic schedule and being a year out of school is one sure fire way to burn yourself out. being passionate about your career can be a very good thing. it sounds, though, that you are eating, sleeping, living, nursing 24-7. i am most certain that there is more to you as a person than being a nurse. don't forget the rest of yourself. i would recommend that you spend some time doing other things that add meaning and give satisfaction to your life.

if you continue to function in the way you have so far, chances are that you won't manage to stay healthy physically, mentally, or emotionally. and, should the day come when you aren't able to show up for work, that hospital will keep on functioning just like you had never been there. the cardiac floor will keep humming and clicking just like you never existed. and the chances of the nurse manager or hr department coming by you home to bring you a box of kleenex or a can of soup are very very slim.

if your extreme devotion to nursing results in your alienating and neglecting your friends, family, and significant other, then you won't be happy. what would happen to you if you couldn't nurse? now is the time to grab the bull by the horns and put some balance in your life and to nurture the non-nurse components of your identity.

please understand that it is not my intention to be unkind or find fault with you. this is merely a perspective offered for your consideration.

Katie5 · Jul 15, 2011

C.O.M.M.U.N.I.C.A.T.E.-He is not a mind-reader.

Up2nogood RN, RN · Jul 15, 2011

I am a wife/mother, daughter, sister, friend, and than I am a nurse. Nursing doesn't define me. I love what I do but at the end of the day it's just a job and all that stress gets left at the time clock.

You've received excellent advice thus far. It doesn't matter what kind of super nurse you are if you wind up alone and burnt out. A relationship takes commitment and communication especially in the early years until you get to know each others preferences. My DH knows me and has learned over the past 18 years to respect my *me* time after a shift if I need it.

FWIW I'm a damn good nurse too;)

ooper3076 · Jul 27, 2011

I know its a little late but all the replies on here have been wonderful and very helpful. I do a lot of other stuff outside my job because it is just a job. My relationships with him and my family are one of my top priorities. I scrapbook, pitch on a girl's softball league, read and love to go fishing and 4 wheeling. Those weeks were really rough and that was a ridiculous patient load. Thanks again for the replies and I didn't take anything offensive :)

ooper3076 · Jul 27, 2011

Oh and BTW he had the same problem all last week where his job was tremendously stressful and he needed to wind down after work and I let him. He finally understood what I meant by the 'winding down' part in the mornings. lol