My latest vent about my pregnant SIL - page 2
My dear SIL is 33 weeks pregnant and has been having preterm labor since 28 weeks. She is very non-compliant. She quit taking her meds at about week 29, and was on strict bedrest with BRP for a few... Read More
Nov 19, '02Occupation: poor nurse Joined: Oct '01; Posts: 2,293; Likes: 86After watching my SIL try to conceive for FIFTEEN years and finally succeed to only lose the precious child at 33 weeks I want to SLAP this woman all the way to Kalamazoo.....what is she thinking???????
Nov 19, '02Occupation: L&D RN Joined: Jul '02; Posts: 75Post removed/edited by moderator because of foul language. Please do not post profanity. ThanksLast edit by brian on Nov 20, '02
Nov 19, '02Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 10,236; Likes: 64I sure hope kimmi has alot of middle fingers!
I have a smilie that I could post for her....
Nov 20, '02Occupation: Apprentice Midwife, Creative Memories Consultant Joined: Jul '02; Posts: 64; Likes: 1I think you could be my friend talking about her idiot SIL, only this woman did have her baby at 33 weeks. She went into PTL and was on bedrest in the hospital for that and to be monitored for her GD. They successfully stopped the labor, but SIL moaned and groaned and whined for nine days straight. At the 33 week mark, doc was in there to say, "Sick of being pregnant yet? Why don't we just get it over with?"
Needless to say, her induction produced a premature baby who spent the next seven weeks.....as long as she should have been in the womb.....in the NICU, and she has since undergone open heart surgery and has still not been given a completely clean bill of health. My friend doesn't know who to slap first, the SIL or the doctor.
Best wishes for the innocent baby.
Nov 20, '02Joined: Sep '02; Posts: 1,058; Likes: 73Originally posted by SmilingBluEyes
After losing two babies this year, I best refrain from what I really want to say.......I just hope the best for both mom and baby. I will be nice and leave it at that!
First of all: Kimmi-NOTHING AGAINST YOU MY DEAR:kiss
After going through 2 years of infertility, getting pregnant with twins, losing one of my babies @ 8 weeks, then having my son @ 32 weeks and him being born with multiple birth defects and then he DIES at 12 days of age due to complications from his heart defect.....PEOPLE LIKE YOUR SIL GET ON MY VERY LAST NERVE AND JUST PLAIN PI$$ES ME OFF!!
Don't get me wrong..I pray for you and your family's sake that nothing happens to mom and baby, but her BEING NON-COMPLIANT is what IRRITATES the HE*# out of me!!!
Getting off of my emotional soapbox now.........
I wish I could tell you all how bad I am feeling......
Nov 20, '02Joined: Sep '02; Posts: 910; Likes: 9Thanks guys for your responses to my thread. I had no idea it would stir personal feelings regarding personal experiences and for this I apologize.... As far as my SIL goes (ranting again here) I have even pulled out my maternity book with nice wonderful pictures of SGA babies and preterm babies and even my notes to "study" when she is over visiting, you think she would have some clue. But, you know, she is an avid fan of Maternity Ward and Labor and Devlivery (not knocking the shows, cause I love em) but I think maybe she sees the high success rates of the preterms from these shows. Maybe what she doesn't realize is that THAT IS TV!!! Editing!!! Yes, technology is wonderful today, but COME ON! I get so irritated by this, but really try to be supportive without supporting this attitude. The girl (22) is on her 3rd child and the father is unhappily married and living with his wife. Sometimes, I wonder if she may be doing this to get his attention. In her other two pregnancies, she wasn't like this. She gained the right amount of weight, took her prenatals, didn't starve herself (like she is doing now). She is in a tough situation financially and has practically no support outside of me and hubby. This situation has been stressing me out. If anything else, I worry about those kids. She isn't exactly the *sweetest* person to be around when she has stress. And she tends to take it out on her kids. I am not saying she beats them, but I could see it progressing there if her stress level got worse (example: A preterm infant flown out to a NICU).
Ok, I am done venting yet once again. Most likely, my SIL will continue to progress, but it sure is scary to hear her talk like this. (Begged her a few days ago to at least wait until week 35 before she starts in with her own interventions: castor oil). Grrrr. Everytime I think about it, I mentally give her the birdie.
Nov 20, '02Occupation: Re-retired Specialty: 42 year(s) of experience in NICU, Infection Control ; From: CA, US ; Joined: Dec '00; Posts: 12,419; Likes: 3,760Could she possibly be looking for a way out? Like, she doesn't want to give the bay up, but doesn't want to have it either--so if it's preterm and SGA, etc, then it'snot her fault? Just guessing here. Don't flame me, guys, it's still no excuse, but looking at reasons for this behavior.
So, maybe pointing out that a "special needs" child would quadruple her current workload, so why not go for the BEST outcome instead of the worst? I dunno, just random thoughts...
Nov 20, '02Joined: Apr '02; Posts: 38,750; Likes: 16,271I am not upset w/you Kimmi, your vent was LEGIT. I am just upset that folks just do NOT get it. I agree w/prmnrs.......try to appeal to her selfish side by telling her the downside of havinga preterm baby..or have her talk to me! I had one w/a birth defect ...I can set her butt straight!
Nov 20, '02Occupation: Level III NICU Specialty: NICU ; From: US ; Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 1,605; Likes: 929Sounds like a control thing...
Would you call her a "mature" 22 year old or an 'immature" 22 year old?
Nov 20, '02Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 8,729; Likes: 8,411Tell her it will be easier on her to wait until the baby can breathe and eat on it's own- less care and worry.
I would also ask her about insurance and how much she will need to copay for a NICU stay. That may slow her down when she thinks about all the goodies she will have to do without.
People like that should not be parents, the idea of putting your child's needs before your own is foreign to her, and as the child grows her neglect will not be so easily fixed as now with a vent and tube feed (and those are not easy to begin with).
But there is no way to stop her, so frame it as being in her own best interest to keep the baby inside- easier to care for, and less disability and work in the long run. The selfish bag.
Nov 21, '02Joined: Sep '02; Posts: 910; Likes: 9Prmenurse. You know, I have thought of that myself. I wonder every day what goes on in her head with this one. She is very anti abortion, and she actually thought of it for a split second with this one.
She is not enthused about this pregnancy (ya couldn't guess guys, could ya!). And I have to admit, I don't blame her. When pregnant with my second, I was p*ssed at the timing, but I still did what I had to do. Today, I think that maybe she wants to have this baby early and get her out because she is the brunt of the gossip lately. That belly is just a constant reminder to everyone that she is preggers with another woman's husband (difficult situation since the three of them work in the same building) Tomorrow, I will come up with another theory. Well, no real vent today cause I am so ******* tired.
Good news, she is almost to 34 weeks. If she can go two more weeks, I will be happy and not be freaking out so much over here.
Dec 2, '02Occupation: R.N. Specialty: 27 year(s) of experience in cardiac, diabetes, OB/GYN ; Joined: Feb '02; Posts: 1,947; Likes: 418Social services consult, anonymously of course....I always try to remind people taking care of the baby in utero is the first thing they get to do to be mommies...If she isn't willing to take the safety of her infant into consideration over her own cosmetic interests, it might be interesting to see what sort of mom she will be...What does her husband think of all this?