Hysterical phone calls about people in labor! - page 4

in all fairness, i almost entitled this " hysterical daddies", but realized that, though that is largely the scope of hysterical phone calls regarding people in labor in my experience, it doesn't ,... Read More

  1. by   shay
    Mark, just reading about 14 12's in a row makes me tired and crabby. I would be on top of a building with an uzi by now if I were you................................
  2. by   mother/babyRN
    Mark, I have such a long commute that if I were to be as vigilant as you, they would have to find someplace for me to camp out....Yuck...And to all you sillies who were grossed out by our placenta discussion, think about what you SEE every single day! (evening, night..) I know, I know.....
    BACK to the subject of hysterical phone calls, I , of COURSE, answer the phone and someone asks me if I have seen their girlfriend ( hug). Who is your girlfriend, I ask. Don't you the f*** know? He screams at me...Well, I calmly say ( as I have discovered that remaining calm really either disarms or irritates the yelling party), I might be able to assist if you let me know her name as, though I am a little psychic, I am just not that good. She is the blankety blank one in labor. Sir, I tell him, there are currently 4 people in labor, pick one...So he tells me someone who isn't there, even in triage or labor checked, or, as far as I know, in the ER...She told me she was in labor so you have to be wrong, he screams..( I am about ready to hang up or say something I know I shouldn't). He continues, that b*** told me she was going to the hospital 2 hours ago! You better not be keeping anything from me or I am going to show up and you will all be sorry. NOW I decide to involve security, but not before I ask him how far away her lives and maybe she went to a different hospital because she was uncomfortable..I wonder if he didn't come also because there are other kids to watch...No, he keeps yelling, this is our first ******* kid....So, and I have to ask, why didn't you go with her? I was going out with my boys....I am thinking ( and hoping), that maybe she escaped...Automatic social service consult, ya think????
  3. by   shay
    Seeeeeeeeeeee........if someone starts screaming and cussing at me on the phone,

    I HANG UP.

    I can't believe you even spoke to that moron. He wouldn't have gotten past the first cuss word with me.
  4. by   AlaskaKat
    Originally posted by bagladyrn
    One of the few topics that will "gross out" other nurses. Funniest thing I've seen in a while - ICU and ER nurses saying "we don't want to sit with you OB nurses" just because of the discussion of lochia.
    I know this is off topic but this just reminded me... A bunch of us OB nurses were having a potluck going away party last weekend and as my good friend was serving me some pie (with her hands since it was spilling off the knife) she says to me, "don't worry, my fingers haven't been in any vaginas today". Then another firned insisted on smelling her fingers before she would take any pie. I guess to others this would seem strange...
  5. by   mother/babyRN
    Yuck! Hey Shay, I wanted to hang up but I figured if I got the info and the pt DID show up I might be able to intervene if needed..Still haven't seen her, or heard any more..He kind of took me by surprise. Don't worry, if I get that again, I WILL hang up AND have witnesses there when I do it.....These days, according to our facility, the customer is always right....Remember the good old days of limit setting????And I GET the pie thing...Lol.
  6. by   Dayray
    Great recipies mark! but I think Have a better one

    dried choped placenta. in breast milk, as cereal. it could be like shreaded wheat except instead of a frosted and unfroseted side, it would be shiny on one and dirty on the other. !

    Here is my funny story.

    I had a patient ask me if I could please tie her tubes for her. I took her serious and explained that her OB/GYN could do it for her in the OR. She dident like the idea of general and being cut. So she said "no I just want you to reach up there and tie them in a knot!" She insisted that this could be done and that her friends husbad had done it for her a few years ago "but they came untied and thats why I got pregnent". No matter how I tried she wouldent belive me.

    We all had a good luagh about that one. I cant help but wonder how many women that guy got to drop thier pants telling them he would "tie thier tubes"
    Last edit by Dayray on Aug 20, '02
  7. by   lindalou
    One that always cracks me up is as soon....and I do mean AS SOON as the baby is born you get asked ....."how much does she/he weigh?" hummmmmmmmmm. And then I had one as soon as I checked her wanted to know what color the baby's hair was. She was 2/50/-2.
  8. by   lindalou
    We also had a same sex couple that used a donor and a TURKEY BASTER to get pregnant.....(we had a great time with this one at the nurses station.)
  9. by   mother/babyRN
    Ha ha ha ha. DayRay, Yuck! Great story though. And we get the how much do they weigh thng too....
  10. by   SmilingBluEyes
    How can people who deal with GI bleed POOPS, GSW's, OSTOMIES, SNOT/GOOBERS and other PULMONARY nasties , STAGE 4 ULCERS, DIABETIC FEET,and other such "delights" be grossed out by LOCHIA????? That to me is a totally insane and such a hoot!
  11. by   kids
    Originally posted by SmilingBluEyes
    How can people who deal with GI bleed POOPS, GSW's, OSTOMIES, SNOT/GOOBERS and other PULMONARY nasties , STAGE 4 ULCERS, DIABETIC FEET,and other such "delights" be grossed out by LOCHIA????? That to me is a totally insane and such a hoot!

    Because lochia is gross...smells like the lady is rotting from the inside out rather than the from the outside in.

    Please please please give me pooping GI bleeds, ostomies, snot, spit, green slimey rubber cement trach loogies, wet or dry gangrene or an infected stage 4 coccyx tunneled to the trocanter but NO BIRTHING STUFF. ack...gag...harf.
  12. by   SmilingBluEyes
    NO the things I named are GROSS, and UNNATURAL, lochia is NATURAL and NORMAL. What is so normal about diabetic feet, pressure ulcers GI BLEEDs/VARICES and the like? IT's funny how different perspectives can be. I have friends in ICU nursing who actually get whoozy at the "smell of birth" ........I cannot imagine why when they deal with all manner of human grossness that lochia and birth should gross them out????
  13. by   mother/babyRN
    Lochia is not gross. If it smells rotten, something is wrong with the patient. Of COURSE lochia is normal. Do you feel your period is abonormal? Normal lochia smells like a period.....