Am I the only one who finds this disrespectful? - page 8

Right now there are two threads (one which was closed) devoted to "things you should know before coming into our department" and the tone of the thread is thinly-veiled contempt at ignorant,... Read More

  1. by   klone
    Or perhaps questions that people ask because they're unfamiliar with the birth process. Not everyone has our medical training and background. I guess I'm of the opinion that ignorance should not be mocked, no matter how outlandish the question seems to US, OB nurses.
  2. by   slou!
    Quote from mercyteapot
    I would say that venting posts are those that address the behavior of the patient, while those that cross the line address patient characteristics like socioeconomic status, race or ethnicity, gender, specific diagnosis, religious or spiritual beliefs, marital status, etc.
    :yeahthat:
    That would be my definition of venting and what crosses the line!
  3. by   magz53
    PLEASE, PLEASE do not stop venting. I was so excited to find this site, I went to work and told everyone about it. As other posters have said, our spouses really do not understand. My husband listens, but I can feel his impatience for me to finish my venting. Some nights we deal with life and death emergencies AND the demands of patients who think they are in a hotel. Yes, it irritates me when patients arrive by ambulance with the first twinge to be followed by a waiting room full of people who could have brought them. It bothers me to see smokers smoking and their babies drinking Kool-aid. It bothers me even more to be written up by a patient's mother when I told her teen-age daughter that babies who spend time around cigarette smoke are more prone to respiratory illnesses. It bothers me to see patients on assistance wearing leather jackets, sporting tatoos with ipods and cell phones........none of which I have ever owned. I am almost social security age and a huge hunk of my wages go to health insurance for me and my husband and college age son left home. I have been a nurse for 33 years. I remember when I was allowed to do patient teaching and didn't have to walk on egg shells lest Press Ganey get a bad report. I love my job overall or I wouldn't still be there........BUT I WOULD EXPLODE IF I COULDN'T VENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  4. by   Tweety
    Quote from magz53
    PLEASE, PLEASE do not stop venting. ........BUT I WOULD EXPLODE IF I COULDN'T VENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That's the #1 service this site provides I think, for myself and many other people.

    I'm reasonably sure the intent of the original poster wasn't to say that we shouldn't come here and vent.

    Sometimes if I didn't laugh I would cry. A couple of things I appreciate from the op bringing this up. It's important for me to start taking a moment and asking myself "am I getting a laugh at someone elses expense? Am I tearing someone else down just to make myself feel good. Or is this a legitimate concern that I need to share with people who understand." Before anything thinks I'm holier than though, my past shows that I'm not good at this, but I can learn, try and grow. I read a recent thread about empathy, part of it for me is to make it my goal not to make fun of people, because I know how it feels.

    Another thing is that people interpret things differently and I have to allow that. If someone is seriously venting, and another person is insulted, I have to allow both - the person to vent if it helps them cope, and the respect that it's a big world wide web here at Allnruses where we don't always think alike.
    Last edit by Tweety on Oct 31, '06
  5. by   Miss Mab
    Quote from Tweety
    Disrepectful post: This homeless person came in stinking to high heaven because he hadn't had a bath in a week, with high blood pressure from his noncompliance, and after he was seen had the nerve to ask for dinner. I thought "gee mister, we're not going to be seeing a dime for this visit and you're not at a hotel".
    See, this is where it gets tricky. I don't find that particularly offensive. Except for maybe saying he had the nerve part. NO ONE would care if someone asked for dinner--if you have it ya give it. Having the thought--but not statement or action behind it about the hotel is a private thought one should be entitiled to have. But the post itself is factual.

    Actually, to edit it to be more realistic and slightly more vent-worthy --
    This homeless person came in for the third time this week stinking to high heaven because he hadn't had a bath since the last two times we cleaned him,with high blood pressure from his noncompliance, and after he was seen he asked for dinner and when we told him that, as usual, all we had were sandwiches and sometimes not even those but we will look, then guess what I get yelled at because there was only tuna and grape juice not cranberry. And no, I'm sorry we simply do not have any more cab vouchers per hospital policy. I am sorry you feel I'm a bi#$ because of that I can certainly offer you the list of resources I do have --shelters/Phone # of social worker, etc.
    It was a mighty pleasure being your nurse today. See you on Friday...

    I wonder if a lot of this vent acceptance/vent abhorence has to do with specifically where you might work and in what particular unit? Seems pretty universal but I would say some simply have to develop thicker skin than others---doesn't make you a bad nurse. Just not a guillable one.
  6. by   Tweety
    Quote from Miss Mab
    See, this is where it gets tricky. I don't find that particularly offensive. Except for maybe saying he had the nerve part. NO ONE would care if someone asked for dinner--if you have it ya give it. Having the thought--but not statement or action behind it about the hotel is a private thought one should be entitiled to have. But the post itself is factual.

    Actually, to edit it to be more realistic and slightly more vent-worthy --
    This homeless person came in for the third time this week stinking to high heaven because he hadn't had a bath since the last two times we cleaned him,with high blood pressure from his noncompliance, and after he was seen he asked for dinner and when we told him that, as usual, all we had were sandwiches and sometimes not even those but we will look, then guess what I get yelled at because there was only tuna and grape juice not cranberry. And no, I'm sorry we simply do not have any more cab vouchers per hospital policy. I am sorry you feel I'm a bi#$ because of that I can certainly offer you the list of resources I do have --shelters/Phone # of social worker, etc.
    It was a mighty pleasure being your nurse today. See you on Friday...

    I wonder if a lot of this vent acceptance/vent abhorence has to do with specifically where you might work and in what particular unit? Seems pretty universal but I would say some simply have to develop thicker skin than others---doesn't make you a bad nurse. Just not a guillable one.
    Yeah it is tricky, because what one finds disrespectful another finds venting. I tried to make it sound like I was judging the person for being dirty, homeless and noncompliant.

    You're definatley right that it depends on wear you work. A plastics nurse in an upsacle neighborhood might not "vent" in the same manner as an inner city ER nurse that's jaded.

    I can say I've never really been bothered or insulted by the venting that goes on here. It only reminds me that for myself, I need to be careful not to tear someone down in the guise of "venting". I'm not concerned with what others think and do, and don't mean to sound judgemental of the people venting here, because it's never really bothered me.
    Last edit by Tweety on Oct 31, '06
  7. by   EmerNurse
    Quote from klone
    I would say that the majority of the posts did NOT cross my personal line, but the ones that did really made me think "Wow, that was kind of a harsh and b**chy thing to say!"

    Maybe that nurse just had a "harsh and b**chy" shift. It happens. Often. <sigh>
  8. by   magz53
    I see this as a safe place to vent in the arms of people who understand. We work hard for managers who have no clue what we do. We are frustrated beyond belief by a system that lets a fifth baby who tested positve for drugs go home with a drug-addicted mother living in a motel. We are even more frustrated when that baby comes back to the ER in 3 months weighing less than it did when we SENT it "home" to its motel with such wonderful follow up care. Our hands are tied. We vent because we care. We are good people who have dedicated our lives to a nurturing profession that does not nurture us in return. I say anything other than name calling goes on this site. Progress was never made by people content with status quo.
  9. by   EDValerieRN
    OK. As the original poster of the 'Rules for the ER' thread, I feel like I should address this.

    I don't know what type of insurance any of my patients carries. When I'm in triage and they go to give me their insurance card, I tell them I don't need it. Registration handles all of that. It is nowhere in the ER chart, and I don't care, even if it was.

    I am not predjudiced against the poor. I was a 17 year old mother barefoot and on welfare at one time. I took WIC, I had food stamps, and I hated it. Every single day I found a way to raise a child and go to college by myself so I wouldn't have to live in that state. I don't forget what it was like... I'm only 24 years old now. It wasn't that long ago that I was in the ER on Medicaid.

    In my original post, I pointed out that I would rather take care of the homeless person over the whiner. I don't care how much money my patient has, I care if they are a jerk or not. And working in an inner-city ER, I see a lot of jerks. Actually, I bet if I worked at a nice upscale ER, I would probably see even more jerks.

    What I take offense to are those patients who think they have a right to be treated better and faster than anyone else in my ER, regardless of what is wrong with them. Sure, you may be in pain, but you also see us coding the patient next door, so chill out. Airway comes before pain. The right to entitlement bothers me, and people who are rude to me bother me. That's it.

    So I guess I could boil it all down to one rule:

    1. Don't be a jerk

    That goes for patients and nurses.
  10. by   rn/writer
    What I've noticed about venting is that it is often the byproduct of nurses who feel trapped in some way. We are continually faced with patients and situations we feel helpless to manage effectively.

    The homeless mentally ill whose distorted thinking and treatment resistance is now viewed, through the lens of political correctness, as their choice to be "free."

    The babies with mothers' whose dysfunctional thinking/behavior have us cringing at the thought of sending them out the door to who-knows-what.

    The ED patients who present with all kinds of challenges, not to mention entourages of family and friends who act as if their loved one is the only patient who really matters.

    Folks with dementia for whom there are no easy answers.

    Customer service approaches that feed right into obnoxious behavior and outrageous demands.

    Management that is either passive or aggressive or both, the kind that leaves nurses hanging in the wind, or worse, taking cover under desks.

    Short staffing. Unreasonable expectations. Toxic co-workers.

    And I've barely made a dent.

    Venting is sometimes all that stands between quitting in frustration and disgust and being able to go back in the next day.
  11. by   Tweety
    Quote from rn/writer
    Venting is sometimes all that stands between quitting in frustration and disgust and being able to go back in the next day.

    Agreed, wee have to find a way to cope to keep going back day after day.




    Quote from EmerNurse
    Maybe that nurse just had a "harsh and b**chy" shift. It happens. Often. <sigh>

    The challenge is to get through those harsh and b**chy shifts without lowering ourselves into become harsh and b**chy nurses ourselves. It happens. Often. <sigh>
    Last edit by Tweety on Oct 31, '06
  12. by   SmilingBluEyes
    If people are getting burnt out, it may be time to do one or more of several things:

    change specialties
    go back to school----even if its to study a new language, art history, or whatever---not necessarily nursing.
    go to conferences if you can---they infuse a lot of energy and thought into my OB career
    take a sabbatical if possible/needed
    volunteer for a very worthy cause that involves caring for unfortunate souls---like doctors w/o borders or the local homeless shelter or an animal shelter
    change shifts (if possible)
    change institutions (if possible or needed---not all hospitals are bad)
    take better care of yourself, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually
    remember WHY you became an OB nurse in the first place, if you can

    I have found somel of the above help keep me from feeling a sense of being burnt out or trapped. I never feel trapped; there are way too many options out there for me! I hope one day to do doctors without borders, when the kids are older, that is one thing I have not tried yet.

    I find, It's doing the same old thing day after day w/o any change that leads to burnout most for me. For me, the solution was cut back the budget and go perdiem. I dont' get involved in the politics and rumor mills at work, and when I am only there one or two days a week, things just don't get to me that much, even all the things Miranda mentions. It's true; ours is a horribly tough job. We just have to do the best we can, I guess.
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Oct 31, '06
  13. by   klone
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    If I hope one day to do doctors without borders, when the kids are older, that is one thing I have not tried yet.
    My husband (also an RN) and I have talked about joining the Peace Corps after the kids are grown and moved out.

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