I started NS a few weeks ago and have yet to start the clinical component. I find the information/lecture part of the class highly interesting, as I love to learn, especially about diseases/mental nervous, stuff like that. I am actually very pleasantly suprised at how interesting it is and how fast ten hours of strait lecture can be!!!:chuckle HOWEVER, and that's a BIG HOWEVER, I am seriously becoming concerned that my personality is not going to jive with nursing. I am not much a people person. I'm a talker, but I don't really like to be around people or have much desire in helping them. (bear with me here, OK ). I get very anxious when I start thinking about having to touch patients and talk to patients, and, well, basically relate to them in any way! My anxiety too at performing the skills and check offs in school is VERY high...(my hands shake, I get flushed, etc) The hands on aspect of nursing is very scary for me and I get super anxious just thinking about it! I have been struggling with depression and have been socially isolated up until NS, but really my personality has been this way all my life.
I have taken tests that tell me I am not good with people, am much of a loner. Do you think I could ever change this part of my personality or am I just swimming upstream here??Would I ever grow to enjoy nursing and truly be fulfilled by it? Psych nursing appeals but I don't know if that is just because I feel a little psycho right now.:rotfl:
Basically, if I am working against my personality, is there any way I can succeed or find a good "niche" in nursing or should I just cut my losses finally and get out and go into lab work or something?
I am just waiting for that light bulb to go off where I go, "WOW! This is really fulfilling for me, to help others without expecting anything in return!". Plus, I am so impatient with people. The other day I was watching Discovery Health and they had a 31 YO man on there with a diabetic foot ulcer. Well, his toes turned black and he ended up having to have his lower leg amputated. Well, the first thing I thought was "How could he have been so stupid to not change his diet/habits before his foot rotted off??" But I really didn't feel too much empathy. Now, maybe I would in person, but this still worries me... In CNA clinicals I did feel bad for the LTC residents but I did not want to touch them or talk to them really. I felt so, so, so incredibly akward.
Should I just bail or give it some more time?? I swear this is the absolute last time I am going to wonder about this!!!!
And don't ask me to do what I "really want to do" cuz I don't have a clue there!:chuckle Seriously.
I know I can go BSN or MSN and go into research or something less hands on but with a personality this extreme as far as social interaction goes, do you think I can even get thru school??
In one of the beds was a man my dad's age, who was just getting into bathroom and needed assistance pulling up his blanket. Just helping him with that little thing made my heart swell that I can do something to help him.
Kris
Ok, yes, I can identify with this! Sometimes I think that I do give myself a "bad rap" for being way too hard-hearted, or thinking I am, because of a dysfunctional childhood (I am now working through). But, when I did my CNA clinicals, much of my nervousness and akwardness came out of not knowing what to do and feeling stupid and very useless at the facility. However, I did feel empathy for the residents and came out absolutely convinced my parents would never stay in a LTC facility... that is my only experience with hands on clinical healthcare though. I did not work as a CNA afterwards; I needed the class to get into the RN program. There were times in the CNA program though in which I felt I could maybe do something like this if I acquired a certain level of competency in which I could feel comfortable. I just HATE being a fish out of water. Given time to learn something, and more importantly, to feel competent, I can really excel, as I do in my current job (which is a boring desk job type thing:uhoh21: )
Initial reasons for going into nursing were, probably first, love of science and health/diseases/health promotion. Second was flexibility in hours and types of work...all the different areas you could find your "niche" in. That was a big one. The general knowlege to be gained from a nursing education very much appealed to me....all the nurses I have known were very intelligent. The pay really only went into consideration because I thought it was decent for a two year degree. I did not want to spend the rest of my life in school and thought something about nursing was likely to appeal to me. But no, I am not like my sister who wants to know all about someone else's feelings and just jumps out from nowhere when she thinks she is needed (and oftentimes she is not:chuckle ). I don't think I am coldhearted. I think I have been told a lot of nasty things about myself throughout my life (childhood) and I think I have made that a cold hard reality for myself now in adulthood. Because these issues are so ingrained, I am fighting hard to change my own perceptions of myself and hopefully realize that I AM more than what I was told I was.
Complicating matters, yes, is the depression. I am seeking treatment now, that hasn't had time to work yet. I guess I really shouldn't jump ANY gun until that treatment begins to take effect. It all just feels like such a struggle right now, you know? Hard to push onward. But, I did get an A on my first test today and I did already pass the dosage calc test, so I am doing OK for now...
I would not consider myself to be a people person either. I prefer to work by myself and not talk to anyone. I find the ICU where most patients are ventilated to be a good fit for me. Don't get me wrong, I care deeply about people, I'm just not talkative and I feel awkward around new people. I do like caring for patients and doing all I can for them, I would just prefer not to converse with them.
My advice would be to see how clinicals go. See if you care about these patients when you are taking care of them. You may find you have a big heart. That will help lead you to where you should be.
There are plenty of jobs for those of us that aren't bubbly, talkative, and extroverted. You may want to consider the icu environment, the legal side of nursing, and other possibilities.
ICU is what I was thinking, maybe. I hope to find I DO have a big heart:redbeathe and I do hope that will lead me to where I should be. Thank you for sharing!
Sorry to be so blunt but we have too many nurses now that are only in it for the money and job security and not for the love of nursing. :angryfire
I am not a "money grubber". I am simply someone trying to figure out what they were meant to do with their life. I am trying something out. There are noble reasons for me wanting to get into nursing, not just a fast buck. You know, some of us weren't BORN knowing that we always, always, always wanted to be a nurse but that does not make us bad for pursuing it and finding out for ourselves.
I understand your point of view, but at the same time, if we only had people becoming RN's that have forever had the "love of nursing", would we even have any left? I mean, honestly, what would we do?? I think my personality may be not the perfect fit, but I just may be the assertive one, or the political advocate, or the one more resistant to burn out. You never know right? In addition, isn't it totally different when you actually get into clinicals?? I mean, how do I know that I won't suprise myself and ball with every single patient? I honestly don't. I am only going off how I react with my own family, but I think my defense mechanisms are up there.
I am not angry for what you said, I know you mean well. I just would like it to be known that some of us are just trying to find our way with no malicious intent. Best case scenario? I will stay with it, realize I have a big heart and be perfect for nursing. And that just may happen..
I have to applaud you for even having the courage to tell your story and seek advise in this forum. Recognizing there is a problem is a wonderful first start at problem-solving. It also sounds like you have been analzying the parts of the problem as well.
:bowingpur
THANK YOU for this! I am trying. I am deeply involved in problem solving right now! One thing I can gaurantee those that think I should "get out" is for sure I WILL BE OUT by the time my school is technically over (2 years from now) if I do indeed need to get out! I WILL have figured it out by then! :rotfl:
I think that a lot of new students are scared and intimidated by the unknown that is looming ahead of them...you said that you have some issues with depression and have been socially isolated, these may contribute to your fears as well. I hope that you do seek professional help for your depression, and I hope that you don't give up on nursing school yet. Give school, and yourself, a chance. Good luck to you!
how weird. you dont like to "touch" or talk with people and yet youve choice nursing as your career :uhoh21: uhhh maybe you should consider a career that has you on the phone most of the times because as far as i know most careers need interaction with other people, especially NURSING. good luck to ya! :balloons:
Here's just some food for thought. You are only who you are right now, tomorrow you will be slightly different, the next day slightly different, and so on. What makes us slightly different each day are the things we have experienced and internalized each minute of each day. I believe that in our lives WE ATTRACT situations, people, and oppurtunities to ourselves that help us grow and learn and change, some of those things are small and some are great big challenges. There is something in you that was attracted to this profession, it doesn't have to be labeled. It very well may be the catalyst to a new area of yourself that you haven't discovered yet. You sound to me like a very caring person, you are concerned that you may not be a good nurse, why would you care whether you were or not if you were just in it for the money or power or whatever? You are already showing concern for your patients...future as they may be. The fact that it matters to you what kind of nurse you will be says that you already care about those you may be giving care to. I read a little in your writting that it maybe has not been the most nurturing childhood that you have had and that there maybe at least verbal abuse involved. You basically said it yourself... the things said to you as a child are ingrained in you and have to be flushed away before you can know who you really are. Verbal abuse is sometimes more debilitating esp. when it is with a child, you have been brainwashed and even though you may know or feel that you are better than that, it is very hard to stop playing those old tapes in your head.
I do not think you should drop out, and I do believe that, asSQUAW says, you have to be in it for the love of nursing and not for the money etc. I don't think that is the case here. I think you are afraid because you don't have experience with yourself in this kind of role. But, courage is not being afraid, it's taking on the experience...with the fear there.... to see what you can do and what you are made of, and remember each day you go through another experience with this, you will be made of just a little tiny bit more. Give yourself credit for your already obvious ability to scruntinize yourself and your want to do the best thing. I respect you emensely for that and would be proud to work along side of such a conciencous nurse. Sometimes your patients and co-workers open you to parts of yourself that you didn't know were there and once the door is unlocked, you can run with it. Be patient with your self, open up your mind and heart as much as you can and allow learning and caring to flow in and then out again. Watch others, decide what about them you would like to adapt to your own life and little by little you will see what you can become. We are all becoming something, no matter how long we have been doing it. You will now be in my prayers, I don't believe in luck so I'll just say ... the best to you.
To the OP, I appreciate your honesty. It's funny how the aspects of our personal lives color our professional lives. Good luck in whatever direction you choose, and keep on 'keepin it real'.
Wow.........great post, thank you! This is pretty much how I would put what I am going through. I want to be a better person, I want to see what I am really capable of, I just need to break out of this shell to do it!! Hopefully!
For all your kind words, thank you. It really means more to me right now than you will ever know.:)
Here's just some food for thought. You are only who you are right now, tomorrow you will be slightly different, the next day slightly different, and so on. What makes us slightly different each day are the things we have experienced and internalized each minute of each day. I believe that in our lives WE ATTRACT situations, people, and oppurtunities to ourselves that help us grow and learn and change, some of those things are small and some are great big challenges. There is something in you that was attracted to this profession, it doesn't have to be labeled. It very well may be the catalyst to a new area of yourself that you haven't discovered yet. You sound to me like a very caring person, you are concerned that you may not be a good nurse, why would you care whether you were or not if you were just in it for the money or power or whatever? You are already showing concern for your patients...future as they may be. The fact that it matters to you what kind of nurse you will be says that you already care about those you may be giving care to. I read a little in your writting that it maybe has not been the most nurturing childhood that you have had and that there maybe at least verbal abuse involved. You basically said it yourself... the things said to you as a child are ingrained in you and have to be flushed away before you can know who you really are. Verbal abuse is sometimes more debilitating esp. when it is with a child, you have been brainwashed and even though you may know or feel that you are better than that, it is very hard to stop playing those old tapes in your head.
I do not think you should drop out, and I do believe that, asSQUAW says, you have to be in it for the love of nursing and not for the money etc. I don't think that is the case here. I think you are afraid because you don't have experience with yourself in this kind of role. But, courage is not being afraid, it's taking on the experience...with the fear there.... to see what you can do and what you are made of, and remember each day you go through another experience with this, you will be made of just a little tiny bit more. Give yourself credit for your already obvious ability to scruntinize yourself and your want to do the best thing. I respect you emensely for that and would be proud to work along side of such a conciencous nurse. Sometimes your patients and co-workers open you to parts of yourself that you didn't know were there and once the door is unlocked, you can run with it. Be patient with your self, open up your mind and heart as much as you can and allow learning and caring to flow in and then out again. Watch others, decide what about them you would like to adapt to your own life and little by little you will see what you can become. We are all becoming something, no matter how long we have been doing it. You will now be in my prayers, I don't believe in luck so I'll just say ... the best to you.
Thanks CrazyPremed! Maybe I can go for CrazyNurse!! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Keep your fingers crossed for me.....:uhoh21:
To the OP, I appreciate your honesty. It's funny how the aspects of our personal lives color our professional lives. Good luck in whatever direction you choose, and keep on 'keepin it real'.
I am not a "money grubber". I am simply someone trying to figure out what they were meant to do with their life. I am trying something out. There are noble reasons for me wanting to get into nursing, not just a fast buck. You know, some of us weren't BORN knowing that we always, always, always wanted to be a nurse but that does not make us bad for pursuing it and finding out for ourselves.
I understand your point of view, but at the same time, if we only had people becoming RN's that have forever had the "love of nursing", would we even have any left? I mean, honestly, what would we do?? I think my personality may be not the perfect fit, but I just may be the assertive one, or the political advocate, or the one more resistant to burn out. You never know right? In addition, isn't it totally different when you actually get into clinicals?? I mean, how do I know that I won't suprise myself and ball with every single patient? I honestly don't. I am only going off how I react with my own family, but I think my defense mechanisms are up there.
I am not angry for what you said, I know you mean well. I just would like it to be known that some of us are just trying to find our way with no malicious intent. Best case scenario? I will stay with it, realize I have a big heart and be perfect for nursing. And that just may happen..
Thrashej, I totally understand where you are coming from. Nursing has been something I've been dancing around since 1983! when I first got out of high school. I had the same fears as you did. Sometimes I think, wow! I could have been an RN for 20 years! But, the past is the past.
It's amazing how much baggage that we carry with us from our past. It's tough to break from that.
What I would suggest, if you are able, is to get a job in a hospital in your area that you might like to work in. Many times they will hire you as a PCA (patient care assistant). It is a great way to see how a floor runs and you'll be amazed at how you'll feel so much more comfortable during clinicals. I was actually dreading practicals, but now that I work on the floor, I'm actually eager for them.
You sound just like me in your original post. When I was eager to go into nursing several years ago, I think what drew me toward it was the excitement of having a career in which I'm constantly learning and being challenged to grow intellectually. I took a job as an LTC CNA for the field experience and it didn't work out. At the time I had fallen in love with a quadriplegic, so that may have had something to do with my decision to be a nurse at the time (and my parents encouraged to do something that gives back to the community). I dropped out of nursing school before starting clinicals, and it's probably just as well.
I've been an NA in an assisted-living home for five years, and still don't feel comfortable touching or talking to people (unless I'm familiar with the resident). Chatting up strangers is NOT my thing--I'm not a people-person, either. Giving showers is fine, but I'm not the type who will powder and lotion and sing songs to the resident like they're a child. I get them clean, help them into their clothes, talk to them as a fellow GROWNUP and leave it at that. Until recently I worked 11-7, so there was not too people interaction (suits me!). I'm not big on patience.
Like you, I'm still unsure what type of job to pursue. My stint as a chemistry lab assistant in college left me painfully isolated, so I do like SOME people interaction, just not on a hands-on or customer service basis. Intellectual conversations excite me, but I don't do well with small talk.
Don't know what to tell you except to let you know that you're not alone out there. You're NOT a bad person, either. There may be a place in nursing for you--who knows?
). I get very anxious when I start thinking about having to touch patients and talk to patients, and, well, basically relate to them in any way! My anxiety too at performing the skills and check offs in school is VERY high...(my hands shake, I get flushed, etc) The hands on aspect of nursing is very scary for me and I get super anxious just thinking about it!
I have been struggling with depression and have been socially isolated up until NS, but really my personality has been this way all my life. 
Curious1alwys, BSN, RN
1,310 Posts
In one of the beds was a man my dad's age, who was just getting into bathroom and needed assistance pulling up his blanket. Just helping him with that little thing made my heart swell that I can do something to help him.
Kris
Ok, yes, I can identify with this! Sometimes I think that I do give myself a "bad rap" for being way too hard-hearted, or thinking I am, because of a dysfunctional childhood (I am now working through). But, when I did my CNA clinicals, much of my nervousness and akwardness came out of not knowing what to do and feeling stupid and very useless at the facility. However, I did feel empathy for the residents and came out absolutely convinced my parents would never stay in a LTC facility... that is my only experience with hands on clinical healthcare though. I did not work as a CNA afterwards; I needed the class to get into the RN program. There were times in the CNA program though in which I felt I could maybe do something like this if I acquired a certain level of competency in which I could feel comfortable. I just HATE being a fish out of water. Given time to learn something, and more importantly, to feel competent, I can really excel, as I do in my current job (which is a boring desk job type thing:uhoh21: )
Initial reasons for going into nursing were, probably first, love of science and health/diseases/health promotion. Second was flexibility in hours and types of work...all the different areas you could find your "niche" in. That was a big one. The general knowlege to be gained from a nursing education very much appealed to me....all the nurses I have known were very intelligent. The pay really only went into consideration because I thought it was decent for a two year degree. I did not want to spend the rest of my life in school and thought something about nursing was likely to appeal to me. But no, I am not like my sister who wants to know all about someone else's feelings and just jumps out from nowhere when she thinks she is needed (and oftentimes she is not:chuckle ). I don't think I am coldhearted. I think I have been told a lot of nasty things about myself throughout my life (childhood) and I think I have made that a cold hard reality for myself now in adulthood. Because these issues are so ingrained, I am fighting hard to change my own perceptions of myself and hopefully realize that I AM more than what I was told I was.
Complicating matters, yes, is the depression. I am seeking treatment now, that hasn't had time to work yet. I guess I really shouldn't jump ANY gun until that treatment begins to take effect. It all just feels like such a struggle right now, you know? Hard to push onward. But, I did get an A on my first test today and I did already pass the dosage calc test, so I am doing OK for now...
I appreciate all of your honesty.
Thank you!