Nursing Stress & Relationships

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Hi everyone. I guess this post comes out of a place from a relationship that succumbed to nursing statistics.

I am in FNP school, part-time (but feels like full-time with all the assignments and papers) halfway through done, and as stressful, if not more than the prior semesters. I work full time, and I volunteer at a local hospital (to up my chances of getting an acute care job; I'm sub-acute).

Needless to say, I have lost it. I was able to manage my stress in the beginning, but after the non-stop, 2 wk only break in between semesters, since starting the program (3 yr program), I've grown increasingly stressed, and angry. The recipient of my stress, anger, & frustration is my very recently now-former fiancé. It wasn't fair, I know. But with him not being in the healthcare field, I don't think he understood the stress, and he couldn't relate, and chose to stay away as far away as possible every time I am home.

We were together a total of 6 yrs. He saw me through BSN school; we did a long distance relationship, and that worked out fine. When I returned home, work prospects didn't come easy, job market sucked, and that was stressful too... fast forward to a year later, I got into FNP school. Fast forward to today -- my relationship is in total dissolution.

My stress level has exponentially increased, and I admit, I've become my own kermit, and don't really have any intimate human interaction except professional interaction with classmates, co workers and patients. I get angered easily, frustrated easily, and have not had a decent sleep in what feels like forever. I wanted to quit FNP school for a semester or so, and focus on landing an acute nursing job, and de-stress, but my now former fiancé encouraged and cheered me on to keep on keeping on. So I did. Three-quarters into the semester, he's called it quits on me because of my stress level, and other issues that stem from my being in the program.

I don't know what to do. I want to keep on keeping on, but I feel my personal life has suffered, and crumbled because of all the stresses I've subjected myself to.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? What did you do to console your desperation?...I feel helpless, and hopeless.

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He didn't want you to make such a huge decision based off of him. The truth is I don't know if he likes the fact that your busy so that you won't bother him (time to cheat or just wanting personal time for his own hobbies or tired of feeling like he's walking on egg shells when you are around). The only thing I can say is that 3/4 quarters into the semester he calls it quits on you. The most important excuse you have is to focus on your schooling and take some time a part from him. Acknowledge your wrong doing to him. If school is stressing you this much, how is he suppose to know that you won"t continue to be an emotionally abusive person when you are actually practicing.

Whether you decide to slow down in school or not, time apart can answer all the questions you need. At the end of the day, do not let a man come between you and your goals cause the right one will stay around or at least beg to come back after a few months or a year.

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Get some therapy (seriously -- I don't mean that as some kind of off-hand quip). Graduate school is v. stressful, and my long-term relationship came close to falling apart when I was in grad school. But we both worked hard at surviving the experience. I had to make a real effort to not bring my school issues and stress into our home, to leave that stuff at school and/or find other outlets for it. My university's student health services offered mental health services -- does yours? Or find someone (a therapist) out in the community.

Best wishes!

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Thank you for your responses. I appreciate it. There really is no salvaging the 6-yr relationship at this point. My former fiancé wrote a letter with elaborated demands of our separation. What sucks is we just bought our house four months ago, and he has not been home for the last three days. I'm meeting with the realtor that helped us secure this house to help me start selling this house by the end of the year before I start my clinical rotations. I will be part time/per diem starting this January, and unfortunately, I will not be able to financially support everything on my pay alone. Another option I have is take a break from school for a semester and get a second job to financially help me move out of the house into an apartment.

I proposed counseling to my former fiancé, but he and his mother decided it is "safer" that he does not do so. And a communication between him & I mediated by his mother at her house is the only way I can communicate with him at this point. Because of a loud argument we had yesterday, his mother's questioned my behavioral and mental capacities, and that have lead her to believe I am unsafe to talk to his son who is twice my weight. I am still bitter...

Grad school is really tough, and I know my circle of friends in the program have thought of completely quitting or taking a break too. More than half of the class that I started with are gone, and two of whom I know separated from their partners because of stress and lack of communication, and disregard of how stressful this program really is.

I wanted someone to come home to, to listen to me, and console me with my grief, desperation & exhaustion from work and school, but I found that I constantly came home to a sleeping partner who didn't have the energy or the time to lend except remark on how 'miserable' I've become. And that perhaps led to my irritation and frustration, that turned into anger.

I will be losing my healthcare benefits since I'm under his, and I'm thankful I still have student services at the university. I know I have issues I need to address, and I think a break or something else may help me get through this semester.

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Specializes in Education.

The key thing here is to do what is best for you.

If you want to talk to him, and you don't want his mother around, propose getting a mediator. Even a counselor at your school should be able to help. (His mother? Really? Sorry, was in a very bad relationship with a man that was still tied to his mother's apron strings.)

And agreed on thinking about some counseling. Even knowing that there is somebody who is going to listen to you for one hour a week helps immensely.

Good luck.

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Having to work full time and do all that is required for graduate college is an almost impossible task, add the needy male to the mix and that truly makes it all seem impossible. I agree with the prior postings that you do need some form of counseling or outlet for the amount of stress. The "man" who must be grossly attached to his mother to seek her help, needs to be a little more mature for you. Even though it was 6 years, you stated the both of you were not really geographically together during that time. Unfortunately, you went into a major financial obligation with him, you need to see to how to sell the house etc. before he makes it a bigger issue. Is the deed in both your names, then you will have to approach him--not his mother, about the house. He was smart in having discussions with his mother present, he now has a witness for anything you may accuse him of. You didn't have anyone else present did you?? It sounds like he is a bit of a manipulator, and needless to say, you cannot win this one. Separate yourself from him as much as possible including everything legally dual-owned with him. I hate to say you should take time away from school because you will lose your contacts there, but it sounds like you need a semester off to get everything else straight. Admit it when you are wrong, you took on way too much, we all learn as we go along. Take time off to get your self renewed and get stuff off of your slate. Then pick up where you left off and continue with your career goals. I have been in nursing for over 30 years and there are still times when I am so stressed out, that I cannot talk about it to my spouse. I choose to have a down time when I get home, and he knows to leave me alone for about 20 minutes after I get home. Sometimes this 'quiet time" is the best therapy for me. Other times, I need someone else who is in the nursing field to help me understand why I get so stressed. That is when my co-workers and this chat site come into play. Keep your chin up, you will get through this, become what you need to be and don't look back. Good luck!!!

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Specializes in hospice.

Why the pejorative "needy male?"

He has the right not to be verbally abused and used as an emotional punching bag.

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You need to do what makes you happy. I know from my last relationship that your man probably doesn't understand your stress level. Mine expects me to work full time, plus overtime if its available, and go back to school and keep up on the house work and make sure I am available for all of his work events and to sit and support his life and career. Well Ive done it for a year and it landed me in the hospital....I thought i was seriously have a stroke due to all the stress. My ex man didnt understand what I was going through, and they dont understand the things you see at work. Yea we joke about the gross things and most of us probably really enjoy what we do, but you need a man who can 100% understand what you feel like after a day at work or a day at school. ANd if he can make things easier on you by making dinner or doing the laundry, he should. I remember walking in the door after being at work for 18 hours and feeling like i was going to collapse and my ex wanted to know what i was making him for dinner and i kicked him out.

You need to eliminate people or things that make you stressed out. ANd if your man wants to complain about you not having enough time for him, he should realize you are doing this not only to better yourself but to better the future the both of you could have. But honestly you sound like you work hard and your just tired and overwhelmed, go out and do something for you, have a crazy girls night, and elminate the people and things that only make life harder.

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"You need to do what makes you happy. I know from my last relationship that your man probably doesn't understand your stress level. Mine expects me to work full time, plus overtime if its available, and go back to school and keep up on the house work and make sure I am available for all of his work events and to sit and support his life and career. Well Ive done it for a year and it landed me in the hospital....I thought i was seriously have a stroke due to all the stress. My ex man didnt understand what I was going through, and they dont understand the things you see at work. Yea we joke about the gross things and most of us probably really enjoy what we do, but you need a man who can 100% understand what you feel like after a day at work or a day at school. ANd if he can make things easier on you by making dinner or doing the laundry, he should. I remember walking in the door after being at work for 18 hours and feeling like i was going to collapse and my ex wanted to know what i was making him for dinner and i kicked him out.

You need to eliminate people or things that make you stressed out. ANd if your man wants to complain about you not having enough time for him, he should realize you are doing this not only to better yourself but to better the future the both of you could have. But honestly you sound like you work hard and your just tired and overwhelmed, go out and do something for you, have a crazy girls night, and elminate the people and things that only make life harder."

Hafisch12,

Thank you for your comment. Reading your post is like reading from my own experience to a large extent. Like you, I really got exasperated when I'd come home to know I will need to cook or decide what we would eat for dinner because nothing's thawed, or what not. All that, and then some more, and like you... I ended up in a hospital, and got diagnosed with depression.

To add insult to injury, he gave me the boot, instead of me giving the boot. And it really hurts.

His complaint was not that I wasn't spending time with him; he was barely even home to begin with. He has pressing hobbies that he preferred to spend majority of his time with, than be home.

The good thing that came out of this whole thing is, a week after he decided to surprise me with the biggest heartache I've ever experienced, I was offered a job I've always dreamed of landing.

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