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nursing school and marriage

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by e_zapanta e_zapanta (New) New

Our poor spouses! They should get to walk at graduation, too, just for putting up with us! The decision to go to school needs to be a mutual one...I have been so fortunate to have a husband that supports me 110%. I'm in the midst of finals right now and my husband has supplied me with sugar and starbucks, turned the tv down to a whisper, and cleaned up the entire house! we have struggled plenty, but now that it's almost over - we BOTH feel successful!

I am 27 married {6 years} 2 children 3 and 5. I go to school full time however, I am not in the nursing program yet. The only advantage that I feel that I have going into this is that i don't work so I feel that grants me more time to spend with my family or studying etc. We're not rich this was a personal decision I made because my kids won't be 3 and 5 forever and well if sacrifices must be made then so be it. If I'm not in school I don't want to be at some job not worth my time than being home with my kids reading to them playing with them etc. :lol2:

What I have learned though is that I can get obsessive about school and about getting good grades and being the best and I tend to slack on giving my family the attention they need like time... dinner... washed clothes you get the point. One while my husband and I were so disconnected things were pretty tense and distant between us. He planned a ski trip for the weekend just the two of us. I was soooooo ****** :madface:because OMG I need to study how dare he do this to me, he is so selfish, I don't want to do this dumb trip:banghead:... well I went and it was exactly what the Dr. ordered. We had such great time, I didn't even think about school while I was away even though I brought my books. Now I did have to switch gears when I returned and boy was that hard. I almost wanted to quit school :rolleyes: and from that point forward I promised him that I would always make time for him no matter what and he agreed that he is ok with the house being a mess sometimes or me not cooking dinner he understands I'm busy so he won't ask for much-- He makes it work-- he steps up. I make sure that I give him time so that we can remain connected mind body and soul. I luv my BOO.:heartbeat:redbeathe:heartbeat:redbeathe So just remember it's the little things like taking a shower together, eating dinner together, celebrate after your exams by going out to a nice cozy dinner he thinks you're spending time with him but you're happy passed your test... he'll never know.:saint:

Wendy_RN

Specializes in Telemetry, Med Surg, Pediatrics, ER.

There were several marriages that ended when I was in school, BUT the wife had returned to school with plans to leave their husband.

Quickbeam, BSN, RN

Specializes in Government.

I got married during nursing school. We survived (22 years now). He still gets a full body shudder if anyone mentions "pharmacology".

He helped me get up for clinicals, study and keep my focus. I doubt I'd have been as successful without him. It really depends on the person.

Cherise07

Specializes in peds med surg,. Has 13 years experience.

I am going back to school for my BSN (already have ADN) and notice that when I am trying to get a paper done or spending a lot of time studying for an exam, my husband seems to feel left out:cry:.

I have found that you need to set aside time for studying and time for your family. Give yourself a limit as to when and how long you will spend that day and then spend the rest of time with your hubby and/or family.

Keep your husband informed on your schedule and when you will be doing school stuff.

Get out , go for a walk or to a movie/dinner, like you used to when you were dating. The other nice thing is that by setting limits on your study time you will get a much needed break and be more productive when you come back to it!:wink2:

I wish you the best with school!

diveRN

Specializes in ER, PCU, ICU.

Was married 15 years when I started nursing school. We had no kids when I started down the path, but my son was born 3 weeks before I started my first semester. We had a strong relationship before school and continue to enjoy a solid marriage.

However, six of my classmates had their marriages end while in school, all of the students were women. Someone said it above... becoming an RN gives a person options. It was also said that if a marriage is shaky before school... it's probably not going to survive. I agree with this.

Nursing school is a magnifying glass that shows a lot of things about people and relationships. If a marriage is in trouble, school will magnify it. If it's strong, it'll magnify that.

Best of luck.

There were several marriages that ended when I was in school, BUT the wife had returned to school with plans to leave their husband.

I've seen this exit strategy, too.

Quickbeam, BSN, RN

Specializes in Government.

I saw quite a few "wife dumps husband" scenarios after graduation. Not during school, though.

tachybradyRN

Specializes in ICU, Emergency Department. Has 7 years experience.

My mom and dad were fine when my mom was in nursing school, but she made some things clear up front:

1) She was going to need ALONE time, study time, for her, away from him.

2) When she was not studying, she would be spending time with us and him as well as doing fun things for herself

3) He agreed to be helpful with the chores around the house

4) She delegated certain responsibilities to us (her children) such as cooking some nights, cleaning, washing dishes, helping with the laundry etc

5) She made it a point to have at least one weekend a month where she and my dad would go out, have a nice dinner, and spend some quality time together

They didn't have any major problems. And she graduated top of her class. So, it's definitely possible :)

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