Nursing Instructors who are hard, pick on you, or are impossible to deal with

JeanettePNP, MSN, RN, NP · Apr 2, 2006

So are you saying the best approach is just not to take it personally? I haven't started nursing school yet but when I do, I want to be prepared if I do encounter a nasty instructor. I understand that it's not worth it to defend or fight back since they can fail you at whim. But what should you do?

firstyearstudent · Apr 2, 2006

I really have no good advice on how to handle this situation. So much depends on the instructor, your relationship with the instructor, how you are handling the abuse, the institution, etc. Students in my rotation used the following strategies: confronting/asserting, submitting, reporting, quitting, hiding, ignoring. Do whatever feels right to you.

Abusive CIs are far too common and it is just wrong. On a day-to-day basis, keep reminding yourself that it is not about you. Regardless of what he or she may think he or she is teaching you with that kind of behavior, ultimately it's bullying. Turn to other students for support and try not to let an abusive CI alone with a fellow student.

While I don't think it is a positive or desirable experience, I do believe it can be a learning experience, as other students have noted.

Trauma Columnist · Apr 2, 2006

I guess I'm just surprized at the number of students having bad experiences with instructors. While they do have control over your grades, you are paying for this education - you should get the max out of it. So, my take on this would be that if you are unable to learn due to an instructor's virulent personality, something should be done: ie document it and forward it up the chain of command. No one should ever tolerate rudeness and unprofessionalism. Good luck.. everyone.

rpbear · Apr 2, 2006

There is a huge difference between being tough on someone and being abusive. If someone is being abusive then document what is happening and take it up the chain of comand, this works both for school and for work.

As for dealing with co-workers and doctors, the best thing to do is to work on a great unit that does not put up with that type of behavior from anyone. We only have 1 or 2 docs that think they can yell and throw a fit to get things done, this doesn't fly well with the charge nurses or the nurse manager and they will get written up. This works 90% of the time. They do try to push the new people and get away with it sometimes, but after a while the new people see that that behavior is not tollerated and they too stand up for themselves. It takes a while to have enough confidence to stand up for yourself.

Good luck!

PickMePlze · Apr 2, 2006

So, what are the options? What is the best way to handle it if an instructor/co-worker/nurse/doctor starts verbally abusing you? Act submissive and take it? Burst into tears? Apologize? Yell back? Defend yourself/make excuses? Report them?

I have a fiery temper. I'm sweet and meek as a lamb but if I'm crossed, I don't care what I say. I really believe if a doctor/nurse/anybody have the audacity to raise their voice at me, I'd call them every name in the book and then tell them to kiss me all over. I'd lose my job fo sho. :madface: Its funny how people will do nasty things to others that they would NEVER take/accept themselves.

I suppose you could keep quiet and sue, since it is verbal abuse.

firstyearstudent · Apr 2, 2006

RE: fiery tempers

When you argue with someone who is unprofessional/unstable/drunk/out-of-line/(fill in the blank) whoever is watching almost invariably sees TWO people who are unprofessional/nuts/drunk/out-of-line/(fill in the blank).

DaFreak71 · Apr 3, 2006

BTW yelling back at someone just makes you all the more an id**t. Don't play that game. That's their game not your's.
Opps not addressed to you per se but to the poster before you.

Hi there,

I can see the point that yelling back at someone isn't the most constructive way to deal with someone yelling at you, but to say that "it makes me ALL THE MORE an idiot? That implies that I was an idiot even before the yelling. Either way, it was sorta rude. But I definitely get your point and most days I wouldn't yell back, I'd take them "into the kitchen for a chat". But when emotions are running high and I've got some abusive person screaming at me or calling me names, it's not outside of the realm of possibility that they will be called a rather unflattering name in return. I'm just human and when my feelin's get hurt, I am capable of responding like a hurt person.

Regarding rude instructors, here is my advice (for what it's worth):

If it's just petty stupid stuff like insinuating that you're stupid, being short with you, not being overly helpful, etc...let it go. Consider the source and make a point to get your information elsewhere. It's not that I condone this behavior, because I sure the heck don't. I'm looking at it from the angle of "what's best for the student". In this case, what is best for the student is probably to endure a bit of unpleasantness and just start counting the days until the end of the semester. Vent to your friends, cry on your husband/wife's shoulder, play video games and pretend the mobs are your instructors while you blow them up, chase them off cliffs, dance on their corpses,or stab them in the thoracic cavity over and over and over and.....well, you get the point. (hehe, just kidding). :uhoh21:

If it's overt abuse, such as an instructor directly calling you out for no other reason than to vent their frustration, I'd actually call them out for it. I personally would probably say "Do you need to borrow my therapeutic communication notes?" But then I'm not the most tactful person. What I'm getting at is that you should stand up for yourself if it's abusive and you should also follow up with it with the Dean. You might not want to use the "therapeutic notes" comment I would probably make, as that could possibly escalate the situation.

Keep your eye on the prize and assume that all of your instructors are going to be nice and treat you well. Don't go into the program with a bad attitude. I bet most are really nice, but I know that there are some that would test the patience of a saint. And then there are undoubtedly those who get some kind of ego boost for kicking students around. Ultimately, it's your personal decision to stay in a situation that you deem to be abusive. There's always another school (in most areas anyhow). It's all about keeping sane and not getting distracted by the negativity that some instructors just love to inflict on people. Bear this in mind: most people treat people the same way. If you have an instructor who is especially nasty, odds are good that you aren't the only one who has been subjected to it. I'm sure they were real popular with their co-workers and patients when they were RN's. :uhoh3: Make the choice to be a better RN by not letting your attitudes/feelings negatively impact a patient or your co-workers/classmates and you win the game!

Town & Country · Apr 3, 2006

the difference is the clinical instructors have control over our grade. rather subjective control at that. in the "real world" we have room to stand up for ourselves.

Uh, yes...I know. I was in nursing school, too.

I'm saying that it eventually is over, and then......you're done.

With nursing school, that is.

I was being totally serious about this being a great time to be a nurse. Great career prospects and opportunities. :balloons:

SillyStudent, ASN, RN · Apr 4, 2006

In my one-semester-limited-experience, the best response to yelling is to say "yes ma'am" or apologize for whatever they are yelling about. I have had absolutely no problem with my clinical instructors so far, but the common theme seems to be this:

They do not like to be challenged for any reason.

Do what they say, jump through the hoops, graduate, pass your boards :)

NephroBSN, BSN, RN · Apr 4, 2006

Hi there,
I can see the point that yelling back at someone isn't the most constructive way to deal with someone yelling at you, but to say that "it makes me ALL THE MORE an idiot? That implies that I was an idiot even before the yelling. Either way, it was sorta rude. But I definitely get your point and most days I wouldn't yell back, I'd take them "into the kitchen for a chat". But when emotions are running high and I've got some abusive person screaming at me or calling me names, it's not outside of the realm of possibility that they will be called a rather unflattering name in return. I'm just human and when my feelin's get hurt, I am capable of responding like a hurt person.
Regarding rude instructors, here is my advice (for what it's worth):
If it's just petty stupid stuff like insinuating that you're stupid, being short with you, not being overly helpful, etc...let it go. Consider the source and make a point to get your information elsewhere. It's not that I condone this behavior, because I sure the heck don't. I'm looking at it from the angle of "what's best for the student". In this case, what is best for the student is probably to endure a bit of unpleasantness and just start counting the days until the end of the semester. Vent to your friends, cry on your husband/wife's shoulder, play video games and pretend the mobs are your instructors while you blow them up, chase them off cliffs, dance on their corpses,or stab them in the thoracic cavity over and over and over and.....well, you get the point. (hehe, just kidding). :uhoh21:
If it's overt abuse, such as an instructor directly calling you out for no other reason than to vent their frustration, I'd actually call them out for it. I personally would probably say "Do you need to borrow my therapeutic communication notes?" But then I'm not the most tactful person. What I'm getting at is that you should stand up for yourself if it's abusive and you should also follow up with it with the Dean. You might not want to use the "therapeutic notes" comment I would probably make, as that could possibly escalate the situation.
Keep your eye on the prize and assume that all of your instructors are going to be nice and treat you well. Don't go into the program with a bad attitude. I bet most are really nice, but I know that there are some that would test the patience of a saint. And then there are undoubtedly those who get some kind of ego boost for kicking students around. Ultimately, it's your personal decision to stay in a situation that you deem to be abusive. There's always another school (in most areas anyhow). It's all about keeping sane and not getting distracted by the negativity that some instructors just love to inflict on people. Bear this in mind: most people treat people the same way. If you have an instructor who is especially nasty, odds are good that you aren't the only one who has been subjected to it. I'm sure they were real popular with their co-workers and patients when they were RN's. Make the choice to be a better RN by not letting your attitudes/feelings negatively impact a patient or your co-workers/classmates and you win the game!

Sorry poor choice of words . I meant the doc or whomever is yelling at you looks and acts like an idiot. So when you act just like them it makes you look like an idiot too.. Didn't mean to imply that anyone was an idiot except the Yeller or the Yellee...

The original person doing the yelling at you has no respect for you or they wouldn't be yelling at you. Why would you want to lower yourself into being an unrespectful person? Obviously the Yeller doesn't care what you think or feel. They love intimidation especially if you react the same way they have.

Don't play their game.. Simple as that. First of all the second Yeller rarely wins.

Good luck.

And don't go in the Marines is the best advice I can give ya..

Drysolong · Apr 4, 2006

In my one-semester-limited-experience, the best response to yelling is to say "yes ma'am" or apologize for whatever they are yelling about. I have had absolutely no problem with my clinical instructors so far, but the common theme seems to be this:
They do not like to be challenged for any reason.
Do what they say, jump through the hoops, graduate, pass your boards :)

Not everyone has the type of personality to do this. I don't want to be that type of person and I don't think I have to be in order to be a good nurse. I agree to a certain extent with you because I took a lot more than I normally would (or have) in LPN school because I want to be a nurse so very badly. However, for my RN, I've decided on distance learning, because if I can help it, I don't want to be in a classroom environment any time soon. I like good (or hard) instructors, not bullies or instructors who bring their issues to work with them.

JeanettePNP, MSN, RN, NP · Apr 4, 2006

I'm not worried about encountering nasty instructors in the classroom, because my academic skills are very good and I can hold my own in that arena. However, starting clinicals will probably be overwhelming enough without worrying that I'm going to be publicly shamed and verbally abused for any mistake I make.