Your Favorite one liner used with patients - page 19

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his... Read More

  1. by   dscrn
    from my husband, during his emergency bedside it a boy or a girl?
  2. by   ellakate
    On cardiac step down unit when drawing arterial blood gases:
    This is going to hurt like hell. I am really sorry, but if you hold still, it will be over sooner.
  3. by   Zookeeper3
    "I'm not going to beg you to take your meds and stay in bed resting your heart, you are welcome to go home AMA... should I get the paper?"
  4. by   al7139
    After inserting an IV in an anxious patient: Alright! I got it! Not bad for my first time!
  5. by   teeniebert
    On discharge: "I'll miss you, but I hope I never see you again."
  6. by   ellakate
    In Home Health:

    You don't have to go to the hospital, but when you pass out, I get to call the shots. I can wait.
  7. by   Emergency RN
    about to start an iv insertion, i ask of the patient:

    "'re the one that wanted the larger needle, right?"

    the look on their face is always priceless, lol...
  8. by   KinshuKiba
    When a patient begins complaining about a clear liquid diet...

    "You're forgetting: tequila is a clear liquid!"
  9. by   Psilant
    Not sure if this has been posted yet or not...

    When I have pts that are on tele and multiple IVs (shoot, sometimes it only takes one), they tend to get all tangled up and complain about it. I tell them that we do that on purpose so that they will be sure to call us when they want to get out of bed... it's a orderless restraint system.
  10. by   franciscangypsy
    I tell my patients that we wake them up all night so b/c we're afraid that if we let them be too comfortable, they'll want to stay and not want to go home! :spin:
  11. by   xiloscient
    As I check surgical sites and lift their gown:

    "So how much are you charging for a look these days?"
  12. by   bigbub3000
    Quote from scaredofshots
    "I am not really a nurse but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night"
    What does that mean?
  13. by   Psilant
    Quote from bigbub3000
    What does that mean?
    It used to be a commercial. I think there was one with a guy in surgery and another man smiles down on him... I'm not a doctor, but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn last night! Cheesy...

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