Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

Nurses Humor

Published

This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

Haha I too HATE when someone (not exactly a significant other) comes onto the unit and uses the "q" word. When we intervene before they get the word out they tell us we are crazy!!!!!!!! Uhhh do you wanna see a crazy nurse?!?!?!?!

When i worked as a tech in L&D the triage nurses would always leave one of our 5 triage beds unmade if we were not too busy. if we cleaned it, a patient would come in to occupy it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

not my husband, but funny nonetheless.

back in the late '30's, when my 14 year old mom and her best friend helen went to their first boy/girl party (well chaperoned, of course) there were 14 boys and 14 girls there. the girls had just learned in health class that 1 in 14 males have syphilis. either helen or my mom counted and realized that there were exactly 14 boys there.

therefore, using their 14 year old logic, one of them had to be infected! they panicked and were much much much to humiliated to tell the hostess' mom what was wrong. the ended up calling my grandparents' and my visiting great grandma happened to answer. my mom burst into torrents of tears when she heard grandma's voice. when she was calmed down enough to explain the problem, great grandma (who had reared 10 kids) laughed. ...and laughed... and laughed. she offered to come and get them finally but it took great grandma, grandma and grandpa to convince them that the chances of any of the boys at that party having syphilis were slim to none.

kathy

sharpeimom:paw::paw:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.
Not a significant other, BUT...When I was a student, I got the opportunity to do a clinical with one of the students in the RN-to-BSN program. Since she was an RN, she was there to supervise the regular students. She started to tell me and a fellow student that cellulitis was an infection of the cellulite. :lol2: No matter how many ways we tried to "suggest" that this might not be the case, she was insistent that cellulitis was a clear case of a cellulite infection. :hdvwl:

That's OK, my DH is still convinced that you can in fact liposuction out cellulitis.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in allergy and asthma, urgent care.
That's OK, my DH is still convinced that you can in fact liposuction out cellulitis.

My DH also thinks cellulitis is an infection of cellulite, and people wouldn't get it if they weren't so fat!!! He was very confused earlier this year when I had it on my elbow, cause I don't have any fat there!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC.

I woke up at 3 am one am sick as a dog....I had a massive stomach virus. I ended up calling out of work that am at about 10 am....I couldnt stay out of the BR....the whole time my hubby said I was faking it and that I was just trying to get out of going to work...now mind you....I never miss work. That was only the 3rd time in 4 years that I have been out. The other 2 times. I was in labor and I was in a car wreck when I was pregnant. Well..I was too sick to argue with him....so the next day...he gets up goes to work..and within 30 mins he's back home with the same virus that I had been up since 3 am with. My, how the tables turned. He thought he was going to die.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in surgical, emergency.

How many times have you heard someone say "oh, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on !"

That's a classic, though not usually from a S.O.

My favorite came actually from another nurse.

I was teaching CPR classes many years ago, when we used Annie's with a paper read out. It sort of looked like a large EKG tracing, and documented your compression depth, rate, volume of breaths, etc.

I had one student who, just couldn't get it right, and had rescheduled her for another try.

The night before, while at a local eatery, this female nurse/student stopped by my table (with my wife there, mind you) and said in a voice much louder than I suspect she meant to....said, "I've practiced, and can't wait to do a strip for you !!"

I'm pretty sure I heard a few cervical spines crack as many heads spun towards our table.

Nursing,,,,a different language indeed!!! Got 'ta luv it !!!

Mike

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

this is an incredibly dumb thing i said during lunch with a cousin. i take an 81 mg asa daily because of family and my own hx. i usually buy enteric coated and just swallow them. they were out of the enteric coated and i bought the orange flavored chewable baby asa. as i was about to put it in my mouth, i commented that they still tasted obnoxious when chewed. she gave me a withering look over the tops of her glasses and said, "well, you could just swallow it instead, ya know." :smackingf

kathy

shar pei mom:paw::paw:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm not a Nurse yet still working on pre-reqs for the program however I do medical billing and have scattered useful medical knowledge. My DH was having groin pain so he came to the Urgent care clinic where I did medical billing. I asked him what the Dr said was wrong and sarcastic him said "I have a leaky gasket" I'm a whiz with medical terminology and translated dumb husband to "The Dr. told me I have a hydrocele in my testicle" and when he had the hydrocele repaired I let him drive himself so I wouldn't have to fight with him since he thought he could drive himself there and back and just picked him up after the surgery was over. I know he's said other dumb stuff and I know there is more to come as I go thru school and my future career.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I was talking to my friend after my son and I had a really bad stomach virus. She said, "my pharmacist tells me to always keep a suppository of Phenergan handy - which at first is great advice for just nausea... but her rational was that "it absorbs the virus in your colon."

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Gess - little do they know. The same friend I posted about keeps telling me that "Your going to be bored as a nurse cuz your so smart" - implying what exactly? Nurses don't really have to think much? No so funny. If only she knew.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

My little brother, a physics major, one time said to me "I could never be a nurse because I want a job where I have to think." You'd better believe I just about socked him in the face. Pretty sure that wasn't how he intended it to come out, so I let it pass...

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in hospice, pediatric oncology.

I wrote the following to a friend yesterday - it applies (loosely).

My "dealbreakers" are a lot better than Dr Phil's.

You're entitled to end your marriage when:

Your husband only buys you presents from the dollar store.

He tells the maitre'd at a nice Italian restaurant that his spaghetti sauce (Hunts - 98 cents a can) is better than theirs.

You find out he was a mortician for 10 years before you met him.

He installs a full length mirror one foot from the front of the toilet.

He announces 12 years into your marriage that he's switched to the Republican Party and George Bush was the best president we ever had.

He decides it's time to downsize from a 4 bedroom house to a "double-wide".

He donates your cherished heirlooms to Goodwill.

He says you only need 3 channels on the television.

He calls every female in the world "hon" but you.

He tells you to sit down because he wants you to hear it from him first, "I felt dizzy yesterday".

He goes to 17 doctors in a row to find out why he's had "ringing in his ears for the past 24 years" and they blow him off.

You see him outside wearing knee pads, goggles, work gloves, velcro shoes, a respirator, and a huge hernia belt over his clothes to rake leaves.

He tells your kids, "Did you know your mother is the Anti-Christ because she has three 6's in her Social Security Number"?

Whenever you have an argument, he sleeps at his mother's house - which is where you found him in the first place.

He's too cheap to pay $5.00 for caller ID.

and the only one in the house who can stand him is the dog.

The divorce was final a year ago!

. Carol

(addendum: I offered to draw a tube of blood from his arm and drop it off at the lab so he wouldn't have to take time off work. I didn't even need a tourniquet. Five cc's later he's ready to pass out and moaning about feeling weak. "Did you have to take a pint?" I told him 5 cc's is a teaspoon. He says, "Fine, next time I'll have a REAL NURSE do it".)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment