Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Nov 18, 2008

Marylou1102 said:

We had an elderly woman in our Alzheimers unit who was German to the core. She was never fully dressed until she had her apron on. One Winter morning after she was dressed for the day, she was rummaging in her things and came across some unwrapped chocolate candy she had received for Christmas. She filled her denture cup with the chocolates and then tried to pass out the candy from her "Easter Basket".

Were they poop balls?

C_K_GrodeckLPN · Nov 25, 2008

I've heard of someone "coming in 'packing'..."but that ones rediculous!!! :bow:

lpnflorida · Nov 25, 2008

I once had a female patient approx age was well past the ability to have children. She not only looked like but had a voice like Yoda. Granted she was delusional, after all it was why she was on Psych. During a conversation she repeatedly said " I am pregnant" yes her abdomin stuck out, but she could not possibly be pregant. When I questioned her further she went on to say " I know I am pregnant and there are a hundred babies in there". I trying to present reality, my mistake of course, I knew diversion would have been better but I could not resist asking. " How is that possible to have a 100 babies in there" She looked at me and with a smile that could melt your heart and that voice and look like Yoda said " They are little itty bitty babies"

Ok, I walked away quietly chuckling to myself.

ERchic · Dec 1, 2008

trvlnRN said:

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other.
I keep remembering to a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient. I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room... I couldn't believe what I saw... An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery.... he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bedrail for extra support.... With both hands...HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT! Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story? :chuckle

I was working in ICU with a coumadin toxic patient whose ativan dose was wearing off. we just ran several codes and just as we were ending the third code for the night, a phlebotomist walked by and asked if the patient in 462 was allowed out of bed. my adrenaline was already going from the last code...and my heart sank! I walked by the patient room to find him pulling off his condom catheter, ripping out his iv's...blood everywhere! he was confused and swinging at me. he proceeded down the hall naked, stating it was time to go home. I was trying to remain calm, but realized it was impossible for me to quell the confusion of a 6 feet 2 man! after flagging down a couple of staff members including a resp therapist whose arms were bloodied in the take down, we got the guy back in bed. I put him in four point restraints. that morning, my patient told me as I was reinserting his iv that I should be the head of the gestapo! yeah, he wasn't confused anymore! :nurse:

neomastiff_RN · Dec 5, 2008

Neo: We had a confused patient that somehow went from PA to OH and found his way to our ER in a small town because his big orange van ran out of gas. He was short and lanky with long stringy hair and had small beady eyes. He continually kept telling me that "pirates chased me forever!" "Well they didn't get my gas! I ran out before they got it!" And he would laugh. I asked him why he didn't stop at the gas station to fill up. He looked at me like I was the crazy one and said, "Don't you know, that's where they are stationed!"

Later on that night I was making my hourly rounds and saw a naked butt running down the hall with IV pole in tow. I caught up with him and asked what was going on. "The pirates! They took me treasure! I need to find me treasure! (yes he said ME treasure lol).

"Treasure? What kind of treasure are you looking for, I thought you ran out of gas?" I asked him.

He didn't reply to me me but then spoke up and said, "I can't find the bathroom, I need a bathroom" I told him he had a private bathroom in his room.

"I looked everywhere!, I couldn't find it (the bathroom), you're lying to me!" I looked him square in the eyes and told him that I would show him his private bathroom. He followed me back to his room all the while swearing up and down there isn't a bathroom in his room. I pulled the bathroom door open in his room and he peeked around the corner and said, "Oh I see YOU open the door and a bathroom MAGICALLY appears!" I replied to him, "Yup, I make miracles happen!"

neomastiff_RN · Dec 5, 2008

Were they poop balls?

Neo: :chuckle LMAO, That reminds of the patient I cared for that would roll his feces into little balls and leave them set on his bedside stand. The doctor came in one day and asked the patient what they were and the patient said "My $*#@, do you need it for something?"

sweetsounds · Dec 6, 2008

Neo: :chuckle LMAO, That reminds of the patient I cared for that would roll his feces into little balls and leave them set on his bedside stand. The doctor came in one day and asked the patient what they were and the patient said "My $*#@, do you need it for something?"

Yep, I had a frequent flyer like that. Dementia. Also BKA. There was a nasty nurse I disliked who was not very understanding towards him. I did warn her not to touch the bed rails w/o gloves. That's where he stored his little treasures. However, I could not resist laughing when he would try to attack nurse nasty with his stumps. Sorry.

trudlebug · Dec 10, 2008

We have one too. In our ER it is right outside the patient bathroom, in the hallway. We don't have a cover over ours, though. Guess where the drunks usually go....and the looks from the LOLs walking by to use the REAL restroom :eek: .

scrabbler77 · Dec 12, 2008

I was doing an admission assessment on an elderly mountain man at a transitional care center. Needed to know if he was continent so I asked him if he made it to the bathroom when he had to pee. He said he did, so I next asked, "And how about your bowels?" He politely replied, "To tell you the truth, ma'am, they're so shrunk up, I can't hardly see 'em anymore."

kbelle29 · Dec 17, 2008

It was my first time administering an enema, so I had the patient in position and was using a disposable enema bottle. I thought I was doing it perfectly, squeezing the bottle with not too much force. Except, the solution in the bottle didn't seem to be going anywhere. Definitely not into the patient. After what seemed like forever, I used more pressure and started really trying to force the solution out.

Nothing worked so I ran to get another student to come help me. She looked at the bottle, looked at me and said, "uhm...the cap is still on."

My face turned so red, I quickly looked at the patient hoping she didn't hear but sure enough her head was turned back looking at me and she said:

"That gives a new meaning to trying to put a cap in my a*s!!" :imbar

Oh I'll never live that one down..

Noor545 · Dec 19, 2008

My entire career I have been an OB nurse. But after a few years off I took a Refresher course and ended up working a Med/Surg Floor in a small town hospital. Most of the patients were quite elderly and I found them to be an absolute delight. My favorite was a spry old fellow (97) whose eyes just sparkled with mischief all the time. The first time I helped him up to the bathroom I stepped outside to give him a little privacy and then went back in to hand him tissue. I balled up a bunch of tissue and handed it to him. He looked at the tissue and then up at me. Then he very patiently tore off two squares of the tissue. He folded them together, then in half and then in half again. Now he had about a 2x2" piece of Toilet Paper. He then used that to wipe his behind. When he was finished he looked up at me and said, "Save the rest of that for some other time, it's only a tiny hole anyway".

Loved that guy. He went home happy and healthy.:heartbeat

Jessiedog, RN · Dec 27, 2008

VeryberryRN said:

Isn't it a good thing that we have become older and wiser over the years! As much as some nurses would like to think that restraints are for the good of the resident, that hardly ever is the case. Tying people down is just not the answer.

I have to agree. When I started nursing, it was routine to posey people to anything. I remember one old man had TWO poseys on, one frontways and one backwards, because he was so good at getting out of them. I accepted this as a part of nursing, and did my best to keep them on him. Now, it's rare that I see a posey vest. These people are usually placed up near the nursing station so that we can keep an eye on them. The whole ward knows them, even the cleaner, and we all keep an eye on them to keep them safe. I can't count how many demented patients I've seen sitting near the desk with a heart table in front of them, covered with magazines, knitting, biscuits, cups of tea and anything else that will hold their attention for a while.

I've nursed people on the floor now, for their own safety, which would be unheard of in the past. We even have 'bus stops' in the hallway, so that they can sit there and wait for the bus. (Or the train, if that's their desire) Things have certainly changed, and I think for the better. If necessary, we will get an orderly to sit with a patient, or a nurse if we have enough staff, to ensure their safety, rather than tying them up. A lot more humane, even though it causes more stress for the staff. :redbeathe:heartbeat