Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

joanncm109 · May 20, 2009

When I was a student nurse, we had a general surgeon who would always write an order to "dress bid and prn".

A fellow student in my class had a patient of this surgeon's one day. She had this patient to get up out of bed

in the am and put his street clothes on before she walked him around the hallway! I thought our instructor was

going to die of embarrassment in front of the staff nurses when everyone found out what she did!!

joanncm109 · May 20, 2009

Many years ago, I got pulled to an OB unit. When I got ready to chart, I opened up this particular chart and low and behold this is what I read from the previous nurse: "lady partsl packing out, Dr. Goodwin in" !!! LMAO !!!!!!!!

The good old days of long hand charting!!

joanncm109 · May 21, 2009

I used to do pre ops for a pediatric surgery unit. One of the questions I asked if the pt. was young enough was "Do you feed your baby table foods?" One day, as I was asking the questions, I got the strangest look from a mom. She answered "No, just regular foods." Seems I had asked her if she fed her child

"table scraps" !!!!

mahjia · Sep 2, 2009

I am not sure if i'd consider this one funny but maybe amusing. A mother of G3P2 was admitted in the ward. The OB doctor came to examine her and only 2 cm and not in pain. Thus the doctor ordered for Prostin and was received 2mg.I returned to her room to get her vital signs and to assess her labor pain which is only little. I instructed her to stay on bed for about an hour.

After about 10-15minutes a scream was heard along the corridor. We rushed on one room thought its where the sound came from (and was also where the housekeeper pointed us). But it isnt. Rather on the next room where I have been 15minutes ago. So we rushed in inside, the bathroom is open and there was the mother right just beside the toilet towering her belly slightly feet apart screaming..

Oh my God! What is that 'thing' hanging between your legs, Mama? Good thing my adrenaline woke my sleepy brain fast and ordered my hand to catch that 'falling thing'. Its a baby!! And as all nurses would do, I encouraged her to go on and that everything is fine.

How could that be too fast?

The mother just stood there starstrucked staring on her angel fell on my ungloved hand crying on his mighty voice. For a moment co-Nurses came to assist followed by the lady doctor. We ushered the mother still me holding the baby to the bed for the cutting of umbilical and both rushed to L&D for evacuation of placenta and for settling the baby.

As i washed my hands on the lavatory I have felt my knees shaked along with my hands. There the effects of adrenaline withdrawal haha. Nevertheless, it all went fine. The scene that had just occured now a laughing scenario for the unit's 'history'. Specially for the reason that the mother thought she has the feeliong of passing stool that time that she gone to the bathroom.. and exerted effort to empty a ''big stool''.

A funny one maybe for my co-workers but a very amazing memory for me that gave me a cloud-9 feeling.:)

adoptionacres · Sep 4, 2009

As a student, I was working on a med/surg floor when a very large, very drunk man was brought to the room. He had wet himself and for some passive aggressive reason, the ER doc :down:wanted a UA (can you say drunk and obnoxious, not infected?) The floor nurses all looked at each other and said, "So who's it gonna be?" I told them that as the stupid nursing student, I would be delighted to cath this unconscious gentleman:yeah:. 4 nurses, one on each corner, were there to assist as we all expected him to wake up swinging. I got all ready and prepped and we pulled back the cover and the room went silent. Everybody looked at each other with a "what now?" expression. The stupid nursing student gamely proceeded to 'firmly grasp' with the 2 fingers that would fit and start the cleaning and insertion process. The insertion didn't insert. I kept trying and we were all thinking that this was really going to burn the next time he had to pee. 4 RN's :heartbeat trying to give suggestions on how to do the cath (I mean, it's a guy-only one hole, right?) Only 1/2" in and it would stop! :cry: Finally, I start turning the p3nis over and looking at it more closely and realize that he has a hypospadies (if there's one anomaly, there's probably more than one!) At that point, seeing the size of the orofice, I gave up. We all decided that if the MD :down: really needed a urine, he could cath the patient himself. Go figure, he didn't really need it! :up: Once the guy sobered up and woke up, he went on his merry way, fortunately w/o burning from the somewhat abused false hole.

ellymay · Oct 5, 2009

joanncm109 said:

When I was a student nurse, we had a general surgeon who would always write an order to "dress bid and PRN".
A fellow student in my class had a patient of this surgeon's one day. She had this patient to get up out of bed

in the am and put his street clothes on before she walked him around the hallway! I thought our instructor was

going to die of embarrassment in front of the staff nurses when everyone found out what she did!!

Embarrassing maybe but she has probably repeated that story and gotten many laughs..:chuckle

Lara911 · Oct 5, 2009

Working at a health phone line, a guy called for a severe pain in the foot. My collegue asked him a few question to make sure there were no emergency, so she asked is it swollen, red, how much is the pain, how is the temperature of that leg, and the man kept answering ..well i don t know..so she was a little tired and finally said...well it should not be that complicated to answer my question, if you compare with your other foot is it bigger, warmer ...and the man said...well i don t know!!...i just have one leg!!

Lara911 · Oct 5, 2009

Another one...health phone line..

a woman called to ask what she should do now...her husband was on a trip and she needed sex and she remembered one time her husband took a finger to stimulate her in the rectum than she tried this with a pen but now she lost the pen in and could not find it anymore so she wanted to know if she need to go to the emergency....I think so..and don't forget to SIGN your admission form...

Lara911 · Oct 5, 2009

The best one from a friend of mine who does not speak english at all...

my collegue was on her training for olderly (?)...the guy she worked with told her at 17hr we need to go fast, we go in each room and we install everyone in bed or chair for the meal coming at 17h30 . He told her, you start at one end of the hallway and I start the other side and we have to meet in the middle, so go fast. She did what he asked for, really motivated to get the job. She went in every room and installed every body, bed up , table in front of them and even the towel to cover the gown...in one room, she saw a old lady in the bed and next to her, a younger one was crying. She said to herself, probably the daughter findind hard to be next her sick old mom in the hospital. She installed the old lady ready for lunch and the other one keep repeating the same thing but she spoke english and my friend did not catch a word. She was really proud being that fast and got the the nurse zone where the head nurse asked to talk to her. The head nurse asked; do you speak english...my friend said...a little.. The head nurse told her, you know the lady in the room numberxx, she was triyng to tell you something. My friend said i know but I did not understand nothing so I installed her mother and left. Well, she was trying to tell her that her mother just died!!!

diane227, LPN, RN · Oct 13, 2009

Today we got a patient and here is the story. She is in her 60's. She fell down drunk on her living room floor. Her husband was at home and he wanted to call 911 but she said no. He could not get her up on the sofa so he let her lay there. He fed her and gave her smokes, and just let her lay there for three days. So finally she said they better call an ambulance. Now, how stupid can you get? I did not even ask what they did about the potty details.

OutlawNurse86, BSN, RN · Oct 18, 2009

I work night shift. I've done my time on days back when I was a PCT, I vowed to NEVER return to days again. Well......

My manager called me at home (and I stupidly answered the phone). She needed some extra coverage on days for a weekend. She promised me I would get my night shift diff as an incentive. Well, I went in to work days.... It frickin sucked! I've always respected my day shift relief but I'll never do another day shift again, no matter what the pay..

Among other things, I had 1 particular pt... She was scheduled for a carotid endartectomy (88-99% blocked). Ok.... 1st day.... she was cool..... gave report, told them NPO after midnight, I went for some drinks and went home.

Second day, the surgeon had a load of emergency cases come in so he couldn't fit her in that day. She was also ****** cuz she couldn't eat, finally she ate and the Doc just said "F***-it, we'll do it tomorrow". Now here is where the story gets good. This patient was a die hard smoker. Now, I'm a smoker myself so I sympathize, but good Lord! Carotid blockage.....Nicotine constricting arteries...... bad...... To top it off, this woman had 18 hundred family members in the room just feeding her already ever present anxiety issues....

SO I called the primary doc. I love this doc, He wrote this exact order: "21mg Nicotine patch and Ativan .5 to 2mg, po or IV, q2-3h prn". Thus endeth the second day and still no procedure..... I again went for MORE drinks and went home.

After many doses of good old Vit A, she had her procedure. I later learned she was seen outside the hospital across the street smoking, just 2 days afterward! With 2 of the frickin 21mg patches on! When she was told that wasn't smart she just took off the patches and lit back up another Marlboro red.

Thus endeth my weekend..... I went for some whiskey and coke... and went home.

CristinJae · Oct 23, 2009

So I work as a CNA in a nursing home on the alzheimer's unit. It was around 10pm, so two other CNA's and I were sitting at the nurses stations with one of the residents that was a high risk fall and was always scratching herself. At the time, Jane [[we will call her]] seemed to be sleeping in her wheelchair. One little old lady, Mary [[we will call her]], who can't remember anything because of the strokes she had walked up to us and asked us where she was. Jokingly, one of the other CNA's replied that she was in a Brothel. Mary asked, "A What?" So the CNA replied again, "A Brothel." Mary asked about three more times when suddenly, Jane, who we thought was sleeping, quickly pulled her head up and said "And I'm the Queen." Mary then walked away, not remembering anything, while the CNA's and myself were laughing so hard. One of the girls asked Jane, "Do you Even know what a Brothel is?" Jane replied, "Yeah, It's a whorehouse." This caused us to laugh even more and we questioned her "Queen-ship" of the Brothel. She went on to tell us that she had skills that nobody else had, and that she made way more money than us, but could not tell us the exact amount because then we would want to be in a Brothel too. That was definitely one of the best nights ever. Since then, Jane has moved to a different unit because of her needs, but we still visit her every once in a while. =]