Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 28

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   Cheyenne RN,BSHS
    Quote from banditrn
    it's not really funny - just amazing - but in the icu one time, i got this psycho chick who had mainlined neo sinephrine nose spray! well, she ended up with us, because she ended up with a super-tachy rhythm.

    when i went in to start her iv - she started screaming before i ever touched her - tried to tell me she was afraid of needles!
    [font="comic sans ms"][font="comic sans ms"]yep, those are the same screaming ones that i get and they have several tatoos and six earrings in each ear and their tongue and nose pierced. lol
    This Is A Good E.r. Story. One Night A Very Drunk Man Was Brought In By Ambulance. He Had Fallen Offof A Barstool And Cut His Head And Chin. He Then Proceeded To Get Arrested So He Had To Be Medically Cleared And Sewn Up In Order To Go To Jail.he Was Covered In Vomit And Feces So We Started To Undress Him A' La' E.r. Style. When We Pulled His Trousers Off A Pork Chop Fell Out Of His Underwear. We Thought The Cop With Him Was Going To Split From Laughing So Hard.
  3. by   TDub
    ala W.C. Fields: "Ah yeeees, the old pork-chop-in-the-underwear gambit, ah, yes..."
  4. by   julie0125
    This one hails from my mother. I am a young nurse but she is a career PhD nurse. When she first graduated from nursing school, she was much like I am now....all to eagar to apply what we were taught in school. Well, she was working at a VA in the psych ward. There was a patient, on her first day, that required manual restraint because he was attacking staff and other patients.

    So, overdrive kicked in with my mom: "Always get their shoes makes the potential for injury less significant." In all the chaos, my mom was attempting to take the patient's shoes off. The MD kept saying, "STOP, STOP...don't do that". My mom realized that maybe MDs didn't know what she was taught and said "I know what I am lessens the chance of injury." Now there is an CNA and the MD trying to restain this particular individual and my mom is still on shoe patrol.

    Finally, the MD states, "I mean STOP IT, THOSE ARE MY SHOES YOU ARE TRYING TO TAKE OFF..." The patient never had any shoes on....

    I think my mother probably turned a shade of red none of us have ever seen. Fortunately, she jus retired after 40 years at the VA....

  5. by   qwerty12
    during my college days i was assigned to scrub in the OR.. i was so excited because the case was an Ex lap and it was my first tme to witness somebody's gut cut open..the patient was prepped and the whole staff was ready to soon as the surgeon went in for the cut, there was a sudden splash of brown substance shooting out of the patient..the room was filled with the most horrible stench, and the surgeons were cursing over the patient and the staff..the whole staff was covered with the patient's poop, good thing i was wearing glasses..:chuckle turns out the ward nurse forgot to put the patient in NPO for the whole day before the surgery..i really wanted to laugh so hard and puke at the same time, but to my surprise i saw my instructor and classmates waving at me, telling me to keep my cool as if nothing happened..i ended up scrubbing out and spending the whole day in the wash room..hehe
  6. by   sanctuary
    Working a Psych Emergency Unit, police brought us any and all types. One wet, cold, blowing night, rural sheriff brought in a young man who had been homeless for over a year. He had been living under a bridge, which works OK in Southern Calif most of the time. However, the cop found him soaked, shivering, and miserable, decided "he must be suicidal, out in weather like this", and brought him to us. That fellow was caked with dirt, took a comb to break up the crust on his scalp, had nothing left of his undies except the waist band and a few shreds of material in the front. Toe nails so long they were growing under his toes. Cleaned him up, trimmed hair and beard, got him in warm PJs and gave him a sack lunch. As it was a typical institutional lunch, the condiments were little tubes in the bottom of the sack. He fished them out, carefully spread the mayo, picked up the mustard, looked me square in the face, totally serious, asked, "Have you no Grey Poupon?" Totally cracked both of us up.
    Last edit by sanctuary on Nov 22, '06 : Reason: Spelling
  7. by   lauries sister
    Ive been a CNA for over 20 years, while working a night shift LTC, doing paperwork at the nurses station, the hall is L shaped, I could see both corridors clearly, the nurses desk was positioned in the corner, BERT and ERNIE are roomates and also the latenight wanderers in this facility, Both are sweet, pleasantly confused gentleman. BERT had been admittted a few weeks prior,diagnosed with brain tumor, ERNIE a long time resident has quite a great sense of humor!! These two Gents just became the best of buddies starting day one!! So Ernie is coming up the left hall in his W/C and BERT coming up the right hall, they meet each other in front of the nurses desk, Im not paying much attention to them, Just a casual HI GUYS. I hear Bert say, Your not lookin so good these days Ernie, you doin ok? Ernie got a bit offended at this statement, stood up and said, Bert, you better take off them ROSE COLORED glasses your looking through, I look up from my charting to see Ernie performing HE-MAN muscle poses, and states that he is a 35 year old studly man and can lay his wife like a carpet!!! BERT got disgusted with him,asked the nurse for pain med and went to bed, on the way down the hall I hear Bert say, Ernie you couldn't get it up even if the Doc gave you 3 Viagra, ya stupid old fart, your not 35, your 88 years old.
  8. by   scrabbler77
    I'm a Yankee from Chicago, working in the South. When I was doing admissions at a transitional care unit, my patient was an elderly mountain man. I needed to find out if he was continent so I asked him if he made it to the bathroom when he had to pee or if he had accidents. He said he made it to the bathroom alright. I asked him, and how about your bowels? and he thought a moment and replied, "To tell you the truth, ma'am, they're so shrunk up now you cain't hardly see'em anymore."

    I'm still proud of myself for not busting out laughing until I left the room! It did teach me a lesson, to slow down a little and stop firing questions so quickly....
  9. by   GoddessNurseC
    I used to work in a MICU as a PCA (NA) & we had a man that had been there for a month or so, & he was actively dying. He had his good days , but despite what he was going through , he always kept a great sense of humor! We were turning him and cleaning him up one day and in mytop scrub pocket was a snickers candy bar. (The nurse that I was assisting is always a riot to work with) I'm holding the man over and the nurse was cleaning him up, I had told the man "Let go of my snickers, please" The nurse says to me : Is that ebonics for tits, or something...?", when the nurse looks up & sees the man with a tight grip on my snickers bar---we all (pt., too) start busting out laughing. I finally got my snickers back!
  10. by   lauries sister
    Thanks for sharing!!! That was so cute!!! LOL LOL
  11. by   MrsJCP
    Had a confused pt today . . . hmm, everyday. I had started him on ice chips post extubation. I had just explained to him about his Magnesium Sulfate replacement that I was hanging. After a pause he asked if he could have another magnesium please. As long as the day had been he made me chuckle as I told him no, but offered him another ice chip instead!
  12. by   KnoxWarEagle
    When I worked urological surgery it wasn't uncommon for the Anethesilolgist to change the patients anesthesia before surgery. Many times a patient would have an epidural instead of a general esp if the patient might need lithotripsy for the stone removal. Well this particular time we prepared a patient for surgery placing his feet in the stirrips. The male scurb tech lifted the sheet and turned about and hit me in the arm. I turned to look and almost feel out. The mans entire penis was tattooed! We had to bite our cheeks to keep quiet because this patient was alert. Well, in walks the Doc, thinking we had a sedated patient. he sits down and announces "Holy ****, I hope he was drunk!" That wasnt even as funny as when the Doc jumped a mile high as the patient explained "Yeah, but it still hurt like hell!"
  13. by   jgirl76
    It is possible to have more than 16 teeth in each jaw. Many people get wisdom teeth, but I've never heard of 2 sets of wisdom teeth in the upper jaw alone, so I agree that it doubtful that the patient had 20 teeth in the upper jaw.