Funny things patients say !

[TAM]

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

[Pnkmdgt]

lmbo! toooo funny

[kreed]

When I was training to be an RN, I was cleaning up a suprapubic cath site on a quadrapalegic w/spastic muscle paralysis. He had some arm and leg movement, so apparently I was tickling him during the process. When I asked him to hold still, he told me, "OK, I'll pretend to be a quadrapalegic." Open mouth, insert Italian shoe store.

OMG....I take care of 2 quads. I just lol'd till I cried!!!!

[samatthe]

Hysterical! Just had to share it with my nurse-buddies!:)

[GinaCat]

AOx3, walkie-talkie: "you know that suppository they gave me before? If I put my finger in there, I can still feel it."

[GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN]

LOL..... ...Aloha~

[<3 RN]

I feel so guilty for laughing, but I took care of a patient that told me his hemorrhoids "really popped out" when he strained, so he had to just let the stool "flow out of him". So I go to give him a suppository about an hour later and realized that he had a prolapsed rectal mucosa. Poor guy mistook that for hemorrhoids. So all those times that his hemorrhoids were "really popping out", it was his rectum trying to escape his body. When I explain to him what was happening, his eyes light up and he says, "Cool! I can poop out part of my body!"

[treybaby2005]

I recieved a patient with a headbleed with underlying dementia and asked him the typical questions for his GCS.

He answered the year and date then, I asked,

Me:Who is the president of the United States?

Patient:(looks around) Me? Well I guess its me.

[GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN]

I feel so guilty for laughing but I took care of a patient that told me his hemorrhoids "really popped out" when he strained, so he had to just let the stool "flow out of him". So I go to give him a suppository about an hour later and realized that he had a prolapsed rectal mucosa. Poor guy mistook that for hemorrhoids. So all those times that his hemorrhoids were "really popping out", it was his rectum trying to escape his body. When I explain to him what was happening, his eyes light up and he says, "Cool! I can poop out part of my body!" [/quote']

Alrighty then...

[rn134good]

i remember one patient. The nurse was asking him what is number was (meaning pain number from 0-10). he responded by rattling off some long number about 8 digits long. Meanwhile we all just looked at him confused. Needless to say he thought we said pin number not pain number and he recited his number from his days in the army...about 60 years before.

[sharpeimom]

As a student nurse, I was assigned two absolutely adorable, sweet, demented to the point of

being completely off-the-wall, little old ladies. Neither would ever see 95 again. They happily spent their days planning meals for the entire

congregation of the church the one lady's husband had been minister of.

One of the ladies had had ankle surgery and my assignment was to change the dressing. Neither woman

was willing to stop meal planning any of the several times I tried. Finally, my CI said I could do it

in the pt.'s room, while they continued to "work."

It did not start off as one of my better dressing changes! Finally, the one lol couldn't stand it anymore!

She stood up, came over, brushed my CI aside, washed her hands, snapped on gloves as though she'd done

it 1000 times before, and wrapped the ankle. The CI and I just stood there with our mouths hanging wide

open!

Her son came and told his mom had been a surgeon way back when almost NO women were MDs.

(Imagine Marion Lorne, who played Aunt Clara on Bewitched and Gracie Allen and you've just imagined

the ladies...)

[GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN]

As a student nurse, I was assigned two absolutely adorable, sweet, demented to the point of

being completely off-the-wall, little old ladies. Neither would ever see 95 again. They happily spent their days planning meals for the entire

congregation of the church the one lady's husband had been minister of.

One of the ladies had had ankle surgery and my assignment was to change the dressing. Neither woman

was willing to stop meal planning any of the several times I tried. Finally, my CI said I could do it

in the pt.'s room, while they continued to "work."

It did not start off as one of my better dressing changes! Finally, the one lol couldn't stand it anymore!

She stood up, came over, brushed my CI aside, washed her hands, snapped on gloves as though she'd done

it 1000 times before, and wrapped the ankle. The CI and I just stood there with our mouths hanging wide

open!

Her son came and told his mom had been a surgeon way back when almost NO women were MDs.

(Imagine Marion Lorne, who played Aunt Clara on Bewitched and Gracie Allen and you've just imagined

the ladies...)

Awesome!!! Thank you for sharing this story...Aloha~

[Hygiene Queen]

i remember one patient. The nurse was asking him what is number was (meaning pain number from 0-10). he responded by rattling off some long number about 8 digits long. Meanwhile we all just looked at him confused. Needless to say he thought we said pin number not pain number and he recited his number from his days in the army...about 60 years before.

My grandpa did that!

That's funny and I wonder how many other old vets have done the same.

I do know that the staff thought it was hilarious and Grandpa did too.