Cynic's Guide to Life

  1. While looking for the Toddler's Rules, I ran across this. I thought it was great. One is so good, it's my new signature line, for now.

    *The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

    *I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and..

    *Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

    *Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

    *Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

    *If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

    *If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

    *When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

    *It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

    *A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

    *Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: The bonbon group, the salty snack group, the caffeine group, and the whattever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is group"

    *Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.

    *When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

    *It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

    *Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the's cheaper than plastic surgery.

    *This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

    *Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.

    Last edit by kmchugh on Oct 2, '02
  2. Visit kmchugh profile page

    About kmchugh

    Joined: Mar '02; Posts: 2,000; Likes: 66


  3. by   cactus wren
    :chuckle :chuckle
    luv em
  4. by   live4today
    Originally posted by kmchugh
    *Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn' can't wait to throw up.

    The above quote hits close to home for me right now.
  5. by   LasVegasRN
    :chuckle :roll
    Love it!

  7. by   CATHYW
    I was told that I became cynical after I started Nursing in the ER-I think that is due to constant exposure to humans! :uhoh21:
  8. by   donmurray
    Life is like a piece of flat-pack furniture.
    You have to assemble it yourself, there are often bits missing, and the instructions are usually misleading. Then, just as you think you have got it all together, it collapses on you!
  9. by   canoehead
    I loved it! We need to start an all nurses T shirt company.
  10. by   AlaskanRN

    i'm with ya there CATHYW...

  11. by   JonRN
    I'm not really a cynic, I just play one on TV. Luvved all these K. How 'bout "It's a sick world and I'm a happy guy"?

  12. by   Garde-Malade
    My favorite recently spotted on a bumper sticker:

    We don't need a Fountain of Youth, how about a Fountain of Smart ?
  13. by   VivaLasViejas
    I loved all of these!!

    I just got a bumper sticker (snicker) today that says, "How come closed-minded people are always opening their mouths?" Guess I'm something of a cynic myself.
  14. by   nakitamoon
    Love this,,,, thank you so much,,,, for my laugh of the morning,,,

    take care ~kitamoon