While looking for the Toddler's Rules, I ran across this. I thought it was great. One is so good, it's my new signature line, for now.
*The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
*I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and..
*Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
*Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
*Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.
*If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
*If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
*When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
*It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
*A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
*Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: The bonbon group, the salty snack group, the caffeine group, and the whattever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is group"
*Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
*When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.
*It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
*Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel...it's cheaper than plastic surgery.
*This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
*Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.
Kevin