Nursing Admissions/Admitting Nurse In Gay Marriage States

[DoGoodThenGo]

As gay marriage will now be legal as of this Sunday in NYS my mind wondered about something.

In states where such things are already legal do hospitals has admitting personnel/paper work switched to the more general query regarding "spouse" rather than the old fashioned "husband" or "wife"?

[cherrybreeze, ADN, RN]

I think most states do designate an adult child ahead of a non-spousal "significant other" but mine doesn't. I can't find my state's definition online, but here is New Mexico's which also lists Spouse, then SO, then adult child:

http://www.lawhelp.org/documents/4473816%20Seniors%20POA%20info%20(SCLO).pdf

I find it disturbing, actually, if that is the "automatic" designation. I didn't look farther to see how/if they define "significant" other. What happens when a patient has, say.......more than one girlfriend (or boyfriend?). If the patient is unable to discuss the significance of the relationship with hospital staff, how do you *prove* their relationship when it is not legally defined?

WAY too much gray area and potential for disaster.

[cherrybreeze, ADN, RN]

Current PS doctrine dictates that we see it as an unequal partnership and therefore the titles must be done away with.

Sheesh .... I sometimes feel we are in Stalin's Russia with these PC change agents dictating to us

Guess I'm not very PC.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

I think most states do designate an adult child ahead of a non-spousal "significant other" but mine doesn't. I can't find my state's definition online, but here is New Mexico's which also lists Spouse, then SO, then adult child:

http://www.lawhelp.org/documents/4473816%20Seniors%20POA%20info%20(SCLO).pdf

The above illustrates the importance of having a will, living will, and POA for healthcare. That way there is no question about where anyone ranks in the decision making process. Thanks for posting that.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

How do the terms "husband" and "wife" imply an UNequal partnership?

They DON'T. But obviously some people infer it.

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

I think I'm over this PC movement and their enforced values

I have coworkers who frown at me when I refer to a p'ts spouse as husband or wife.

I use those terms because those are the terms the p't prefers.

Sometimes they even try and tell me off because I have said something 'unprogressive' Ms Stalin or Mr Stalin (why haven't they got rid of 'Mr' yet ..... LOL ... so unprogressive) are always right

I used 'husband /wife' because that's what the p't prefers.

That's it ... nothing more

[everwonder_y]

Why would calling each other husband or wife reflect any inequity in the relationship? Should we eliminate all terms which reflect gender because there is some automatic assumption that anything female must automatically imply inequality or anything male implies rank? Should we insist our children call us "parent" because mother or father imply gender or biology? How does calling someone a husband or wife negate in any form a legal partnership based on a unique connection? Like you, I'm not calling into question your right to call your mate any word you want, but I disagree that as used in modern English those words imply anything regarding a power distribution or even the ability to procreate. Whether or not a partnership is "equitable," has little to do with the nomenclature attached to it, and everything to do with bond/respect/commitment of those involved. One could have the exact equitable relationship you describe with both involved happily using the words "husband" or "wife." Similarly, a couple using the words "spouse" or "partner" could just as easily consist of an abuser/submissive with no real positive relationship whatsoever.

I do agree with others that "significant other" is probably the best terminology in an official capacity because not every partnership is composed of legally bound individuals.

I also firmly believe marriage between any two humans is a concept whose time has come and it is only a matter of very little time before it is a universal right.

Like I stated I respect and use any address that an individual specifies they prefer. I do not like using it to describe my relationship as I do not feel my gender has any relevance to my title, label or social recognition. I prefer to communicate using more universal language, since historically "husband" and "wife" were unequal connotations. I also think the application of more universal labels helped influence the progression toward equality.

Since many people still do not have the same access to marriage rights (and thus do not have the same official/legal status of "husband" or "wife"), it is also inherently exclusionary.

[cherrybreeze, ADN, RN]

They DON'T. But obviously some people infer it.

I know they don't. I was asking the person who stated that it did why they thought so.

[noahsmama]

I find it disturbing, actually, if that is the "automatic" designation. I didn't look farther to see how/if they define "significant" other. What happens when a patient has, say.......more than one girlfriend (or boyfriend?). If the patient is unable to discuss the significance of the relationship with hospital staff, how do you *prove* their relationship when it is not legally defined?

WAY too much gray area and potential for disaster.

Here's the actual language of the New Mexico statute (it does provide a definition, although the definition still leaves gray area, IMO):

24-7A-5. Decisions by surrogate.

A. A surrogate may make a health-care decision for a patient who is an adult or emancipated minor if the patient has been determined according to the provisions of Section 24-7A-11 NMSA 1978 to lack capacity and no agent or guardian has been appointed or the agent or guardian is not reasonably available.

B. An adult or emancipated minor, while having capacity, may designate any individual to act as surrogate by personally informing the supervising health-care provider. In the absence of a designation or if the designee is not reasonably available, any member of the following classes of the patient's family who is reasonably available, in descending order of priority, may act as surrogate:

(1) the spouse, unless legally separated or unless there is a pending petition for annulment, divorce, dissolution of marriage or legal separation;

(2) an individual in a long-term relationship of indefinite duration with the patient in which the individual has demonstrated an actual commitment to the patient similar to the commitment of a spouse and in which the individual and the patient consider themselves to be responsible for each other's well-being;

(3) an adult child;

(4) a parent;

(5) an adult brother or sister; or

(6) a grandparent

[MunoRN, RN]

I find it disturbing, actually, if that is the "automatic" designation. I didn't look farther to see how/if they define "significant" other. What happens when a patient has, say.......more than one girlfriend (or boyfriend?). If the patient is unable to discuss the significance of the relationship with hospital staff, how do you *prove* their relationship when it is not legally defined?

WAY too much gray area and potential for disaster.

I have had patients who have both a spouse and a SO (married couples sometimes chose to just be permanently separated rather than get an official divorce for various reasons). In my experience, it's the "Adult children" option that is a potential for disaster. While there are rare situations where there are multiple spouses/SO's, there are almost always multiple "Adult children" who are rarely in agreement on what to do and often degrades into an all out sibling war that fails to produce any conclusions.

I don't think there is any standard template that always works. What if the spouse is estranged and has not spoken to the patient in months, yet an adult child lives with the patient and is their primary caregiver? What if the adult children only see or speak with the patient maybe once a year, yet their SO has lived with them and is their primary caregiver?

Where I work the final decision comes down to the Physician (possibly with ethics board input as well)- they can decide who is most likely to know the patient's wishes and see that those are carried out which seems to make the most sense.

[lrobinson5]

I've only ever heard and read the term spouse in a hospital. I live in California.

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

I know you weren't talking about HIPPA- I brought it up because it's so 'in your face' these days, and does have relevance with what is discussed with whom, regardless of the preferred nomenclature about relationships. :)

[MunoRN, RN]

I've only ever heard and read the term spouse in a hospital. I live in California.

Do mean that only Spouses are documented (not domestic partners or SO's) or that you've only come across the term "spouse" as a result of working in a hospital?