I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.
Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.
Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"
I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.
I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Hi all! I'm new to this board. I just would like to say I am very thankful for this thread. I've been diagnosed with depression since I was in high school. I've been a nurse for 3 1/2 years and I love it. I can't imagine doing anything else.
Anyway, I've found myself going downhill for the past couple of months. I've been very anxious, not wanting to work a whole lot, taking call a lot. I've been criticized a lot by my coworkers for doing so. Little do they know, my depression is flaring up again. They all see me as being lazy and just not wanting to work. I just always feel like it is nothing but drama around there. Everyone is always in everyone else's business. I feel like I'm pretty much the whipping boy. Everyone is always telling me, you need to work. They say I've changed since I got married (in November). Not to mention they all thought I was crazy for getting married so quick anyway. Everyone always puts their two cents in...on everything. I feel like it's such a terrible environment to be in. (there is a whole lot more to the story, but that would take too long...)
So, back to the point, I had a breakdown last night. I got very anxious and started bawling and couldn't stop for hours. I scared my husband to death...I even scared myself. I ended up having to call in, which I'm sure I'll get in trouble for because that is an issue as well. Anyway, I just told them I had a family emergency...I would really rather not have them know. I'm just not sure of where to go from here. I've never had an episode quite this bad before. I have an appt today with my Dr. I'm sure he'll change my meds, but I think I need more then that. I've never been to a therapist before and I'm thinking that might be very helpful. My question is, what do I do about work? Do I approach my boss and tell her what is going on? Did I mention she was the type to let everyone know whats going on, no matter how personal? I just really don't know where to go from here. Any thoughts?
Been there. You can get a note from your dr. putting you out of work for 2 weeks or whatever you need, with a medical they cannot make noise - and the Dr. doesn't have to say why.
Do you have a regular psychiatrist? it is always a good idea to have counseling with the medications, they work together. Also there is peer support such as Depression/Bipolar Support Alliance (don't have to have bipolar) which is free and might give you a place to vent.
NOT FUN I know. I am so sorry you are going through this! It is very painful to have people judging you - I had one coworker who kept bugging me and teasing me bec. I wasn't working much. So one day, when it did not push my buttons as much, when I was somewhat calm and not defensive at that moment, I said: "you know what? You cannot see people's insides. You have no idea about someone's health, family issues, nothing. How do you know your digs are not hitting home and hurting somebody? You think you are kidding around but how do you know? You need to quit picking on people like you do. Not just me, but you do it to everybody." He was shocked, and kinda (lol) stopped. Either he didn't realize he was doing it, or he never had anyone stand up to him before. But at least I had that off my chest and didn't feel so self-conscious around him. I felt better.
As to telling the nurse mgr I wouldn't divulge anything, again w/ a drs note you don't have to. But you can go to employee assistance and ask them what you should do about that, I believe they have to keep everything confidential (still, I didn't not feel comfortable doing that)
As to the coworkers, people just don't like feeling pressured and when people are out sick, it can be frustrating. I am sure if they knew what you were going thru they would not be as critical (plus, I can read things into people that aren't there). I know when I've gone thru those periods I have felt VERY bad and self-conscious, it could be part them and part you that is causing you to feel that way.
I don't know if I am making sense, haven't been up long...
Why didn't I find this thread earlier??? I'm an lpn student, I keep my diagnosis of MDD and PTSD to myself. It's well managed and I'm healing :) I totally agree with not sharing any info with people you work or go to school with, once you say the words, it's like throwing a pebble in a pond, starts small, but the effect is widespread and lasts.
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Why didn't I find this thread earlier??? I'm an lpn student, I keep my diagnosis of MDD and PTSD to myself. It's well managed and I'm healing :) I totally agree with not sharing any info with people you work or go to school with, once you say the words, it's like throwing a pebble in a pond, starts small, but the effect is widespread and lasts.
Welcome!
well at least we have "here" to talk about it and vent!
It is weird that in my many years of nursing I have seen a few co-workers,deal with depression and addiction, and yes lost one of my co-workers to suicde. But it always seems that the addict nurse back from re-hab was supported and given a chance, where as the other with history of depression, or behavior disorder even after they get tx and straighten up justs get shafted, a stigma and even blackballed.
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
It is weird that in my many years of nursing I have seen a few co-workers,deal with depression and addiction, and yes lost one of my co-workers to suicde. But it always seems that the addict nurse back from re-hab was supported and given a chance, where as the other with history of depression, or behavior disorder even after they get tx and straighten up justs get shafted, a stigma and even blackballed.
You are so right. I never had any problem admitting I was a recovering alcoholic - but to admit to having bipolar - uh uh. You definitely see a change of expression when you say that out loud.
Now sometimes in recent years I am comfortable saying "depression", people are more willing to accept that now. Don't you DARE let it interfere though, right? BUCK UP and SHUT UP.
Specializes in PACU, HIGH RISK OB, EARLY CVTRANSPLANT.
As with so many other things, it's not just the verbage, it's the mental picture that is the problem that lies at the core. We have finally dealt with alcoholism (I think mainly because it's considered a "man's disease"), depression (most people have some understanding that it's due to a brain chemistry disfunction & most people can identify with sadness in some empathetic way), but when we start to talk about bipolar disorder or I'm not going to include PTSD & even battered spouse syndrome, forget it. No one even wants to make that mental picture, much less have to deal with the issues that come with it. Even if the solution is the easiest and most cost effective for the employer, society at large and is the kindest and safest for the sufferer. It's just too damnably ugly to think about, much less try to understand or help with. It's so much easier and soothing for those on the outside to just ignore or blame the sufferer and push her/him out to fend for herself without help.
I've written before as a Type II bipolar sufferer with PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder how I was able to work successfully for 32 years before I was "outed" by someone in my family and my career as a critical care RN came to a screeching halt within 2 years by the inuendoes of supervisors and coworkers who began to suspect and second guess my motives and the causes of every mistake I made from there on that had never been an issue before for me or any other RN in my position. How I finally after 2 years and 4 different jobs where I was subjected to the most humiliating pressures jobwise (not clinically, but from an a management/administrative type) I was finally forced to go on social security because of the mental stress of dealing with those pressures were was more than I could face along with the stress of the clinical work itself and home pressures, too. What I didn't mention was the home pressures were and how my now "disability" would cause those pressure to increase exponentially into a "battered wife syndrome" situation because I could no longer provide the income needed. Now I'm in a terrible situation where I'm in a fix. I'm trapped in a world where I can no longer work in a profession where I can provide an income in which I can care for myself properly and because I am a "battered wife" and I have a documented "mental illness" I find myself unwanted anywhere except for a bare minimum of time with complete strangers. Family, long time friends, and neighbors, all of whom I have willingly and happily helped out for extended periods of time, raising their children, loaning them cars and letting them live rent free in my home for months at a time. Even paying rent and utilities for them for months while they got on their feet. These same people now can't be bothered with me. I need a hand up. Much of why I am in the shape I'm in is because I've have held up the stresses of so many others until they were strong enough to bear the burden for themselves. I believe I'm still capable of this myself if only I had a hand up to help me now. I've been reaching out and asking for months. First locally, then outside my area to everyone I've ever known. At first, I get a warm reception, but as soon as the words bipolar or battered wife enter the conversation as they eventually must for I have to honest to ask for this kind of help, the dialogue quickly grows icey. And within minutes I will hear, "I'm sorry, I just can't get involved.", "I have my own life to be concerned about.", "I'm afraid of what might happen around my children." (I particularly like that one, since it's usually from someone whose children were left in my care for months or even years). Since December of 2008, I have gone from wearing a size 18 to wearing a size 6 to 8. I have no idea how much weight I have lost and I am happy I've lost weight, but I don't think this kind of weight loss is healthy. I can't remember when I last slept a full night's sleep. I don't believe I am capable of working at this point and I'm not even sure if this goes on much longer if I will even live much longer. I am trying mightily to live. I see my therapist and psychiatrist and I take my meds as I should. We are working diligently to try to make the necessary adjustments to my regimen, but nothing is working. How does one live when you have lost everything and just about everyone that has made life worthwhile? And everytime you think you've found something new to focus on, you find it never was real? All because of a few words. Bipolar, Battered, mental illness? Words, as lethal as bullets. Use care, caution, never believe for a second that bias doesn't exist or that you can fight it by yourself. Or that you are such a good nurse that they will see past those little words. They don't care how good you are. Think about it. Do you make that much more money than a new graduate? One with a similar job and education? I've never made more than about $10/hour more than a new graduate. After 34+ years and more expereince and in many cases more knowlege than the physicians I worked with. I was kicked to the curb with as much ceremony as a dumpster full of garbage is rolled to the curbside.
Excuse the tone of this treatise. I'm not full of hope these days. Or words of encouragement. I'm in one of those stages of Kubler-Ross' death & dying, I suppose. Somewhere between anger and acceptance. Thanks for listening.
Specializes in PACU, HIGH RISK OB, EARLY CVTRANSPLANT.
To Bedpan76, just knowing there are fellow nurses out there who are saying prayers for me and care make a world of difference. As someone who has been carrying this monkey on my back my entire life I know it is the helplessness/hopelessness that comes with chronic depression that is the greatest demon I have to overcome and to do that I have to use my mind to think this out. It helps to have those little "hand ups" like you have just given me to help me use my cognitive skills to get through this and work my way back to mental health. Thank you. You have helped in more ways than you can ever know. You said all the right things in just the right way. Thanks again. I think I can go to sleep now. CAB
Cab, believe it or not I was STILL AWAKE when I read your reply to my post. I am dealing with some "issues" right now and have been experiencing some despair. Thanks to your reply, I feel like I still have something to offer...... And now, I too can get some sleep. Thanks again and keep posting! :loveya:
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
It seems to me that as "psych" nurses (psych disabled I mean), our niche would be in psych, but are we mentally healthy enough to be in psych, and is mental health healthy enough for US? In other words, what could we do that could accommodate (how do you spell that???) our needs. People w/ a wheelchair, learning disabled, amputees, vision or hearing impaired, they can all get what they need and be productive (it seems) ...
For example, I am interested to see whether my voc rehab program puts me HIGHER or LOWER on the scale as their program for back to work is based on "most disabled" first ... (am I making sense? because I am MI I will have to wait longer than someone w/ physical disabilities? I don't know....). What kind of accommodation will they help me to get on a job, or will I be stuck doing retail again? (where you work as hard, and get pd less. I like it but I miss my patients, too...)
I am just babbling, it is Easter, had a huge lunch, going back for a 5:15 choir practice then church again... all I want to do is sleep and my brain feels really stupid right now lol... tomorrow is kinda busy too (whining) - even tho I LIKE church, it is a lot to do in one day...
Liddle Noodnik
3,789 Posts
Been there. You can get a note from your dr. putting you out of work for 2 weeks or whatever you need, with a medical they cannot make noise - and the Dr. doesn't have to say why.
Do you have a regular psychiatrist? it is always a good idea to have counseling with the medications, they work together. Also there is peer support such as Depression/Bipolar Support Alliance (don't have to have bipolar) which is free and might give you a place to vent.
NOT FUN I know. I am so sorry you are going through this! It is very painful to have people judging you - I had one coworker who kept bugging me and teasing me bec. I wasn't working much. So one day, when it did not push my buttons as much, when I was somewhat calm and not defensive at that moment, I said: "you know what? You cannot see people's insides. You have no idea about someone's health, family issues, nothing. How do you know your digs are not hitting home and hurting somebody? You think you are kidding around but how do you know? You need to quit picking on people like you do. Not just me, but you do it to everybody." He was shocked, and kinda (lol) stopped. Either he didn't realize he was doing it, or he never had anyone stand up to him before. But at least I had that off my chest and didn't feel so self-conscious around him. I felt better.
As to telling the nurse mgr I wouldn't divulge anything, again w/ a drs note you don't have to. But you can go to employee assistance and ask them what you should do about that, I believe they have to keep everything confidential (still, I didn't not feel comfortable doing that)
As to the coworkers, people just don't like feeling pressured and when people are out sick, it can be frustrating. I am sure if they knew what you were going thru they would not be as critical (plus, I can read things into people that aren't there). I know when I've gone thru those periods I have felt VERY bad and self-conscious, it could be part them and part you that is causing you to feel that way.
I don't know if I am making sense, haven't been up long...
take care, stay in touch, check in anytime!