I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.
Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.
Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"
I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.
I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I so much identify with all of this, it's freaky....
You're still here, and you're still fighting.
Edited - (((((((((Phlox ))))))))))) keep coming back and you can always send a private message or, after you get to know someone, get their email address so you can support each other. :)
Specializes in L&D,surgery,med/surg,ER,alzheimers.
Thanks Liddle Noodnik, for your suggestions and support. My children are grown and live on their own. My husband is cruel to one who is mentally ill as he has no understanding and teases and name calls. He is a tyrant. I prefer not to discuss details. I will not leave my home as it is on acreage I bought prior to quitting nursing and it is land that my cousin sold me and I bought. It is family land where my dad was born. I absolutely will not let it go. I have the responsibility of the livestock and cannot leave them to fend for themselves. It is complicated, but I cannot leave. He has to but won't. I must get my license back so i will have my own money, he takes my $600. disability check and spends it on what he sees fit. January he took it all. February, I recieved $20. for the whole month. I dress in very bad clothes. I have one pair of shoes that fit and they are for farm and for dress up...brown crocs that are 2 years old. I can barely go in public and am ashamed. I come to this forum and dream of how independant I was when I was a nurse and not with this man and sick. Sorry for complaining.
Specializes in L&D,surgery,med/surg,ER,alzheimers.
Thanks Liddle Noodnik, for your suggestions and support. My children are grown and live on their own. My husband is cruel to one who is mentally ill as he has no understanding and teases and name calls. He is a tyrant. I prefer not to discuss details. I will not leave my home as it is on acreage I bought prior to quitting nursing and it is land that my cousin sold me and I bought. It is family land where my dad was born. I absolutely will not let it go. I have the responsibility of the livestock and cannot leave them to fend for themselves. It is complicated, but I cannot leave. He has to but won't. I must get my license back so i will have my own money, he takes my $600. disability check and spends it on what he sees fit. January he took it all. February, I recieved $20. for the whole month. I dress in very bad clothes. I have one pair of shoes that fit and they are for farm and for dress up...brown crocs that are 2 years old. I can barely go in public and am ashamed. I come to this forum and dream of how independant I was when I was a nurse and not with this man and sick. Sorry for complaining.
I returned to this post to delete it, or edit it for content as I feel like I revealed too much. But I could not, not enough posts I guess, so I will just leave it. I hope I did not come across as some kind of whiner or drama queen that tells too much private info on the interweb. The doc who originally diagnosed me with Biploar Disorder and also did a sleep deprived EEG on me and diagnosed me with Left Temporal Lobe Epilepsy told me that I would never know if my moods were cause by my Bipolar, my seizures or my real self. Left Temporal Lobe seizures also affect moods.
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I returned to this post to delete it, or edit it for content....
You should be able to do so by hitting EDIT underneath your post (and now you can also edit/delete my comments from your own post) - I edited mine too... I can respect that, sometimes I need to go back and correct myself if I get a bit too wordy for my own good! Sometimes I'd like to edit out ALL my posts!!!
If you can't do it, why not contact and administrator to do it for you, hit "help", and then tell them the thread title and the post # (or give them a link if you know how)
Specializes in PACU, HIGH RISK OB, EARLY CVTRANSPLANT.
I can't find my post anywhere. What do I do? Where do I look? I am getting frustrated. It is as if I just disappeared. Liddle Noodnik, you have been here a long time, could you help mw find my last post to you I made a couple of hours ago? It seems to have disappeared. It would be post #809 in this very thread: Re: nurses struggling with mental health disorders. CABRN55
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I can't find my post anywhere. What do I do? Where do I look? I am getting frustrated. It is as if I just disappeared. Liddle Noodnik, you have been here a long time, could you help mw find my last post to you I made a couple of hours ago? It seems to have disappeared. It would be post #809 in this very thread: Re: nurses struggling with mental health disorders. CABRN55
The post referenced above is 809. Did you try to edit something and erase it by mistake, and then write this? I dunno... sometimes their are poltergeists in here! :)
I returned to this post to delete it, or edit it for content as I feel like I revealed too much. But I could not, not enough posts I guess, so I will just leave it. I hope I did not come across as some kind of whiner or drama queen that tells too much private info on the interweb. The doc who originally diagnosed me with Biploar Disorder and also did a sleep deprived EEG on me and diagnosed me with Left Temporal Lobe Epilepsy told me that I would never know if my moods were cause by my Bipolar, my seizures or my real self. Left Temporal Lobe seizures also affect moods.
So I am not sure who the real me is sometimes.
I also have been diagnosed with left temporal lobe epilepsy. Believe me it can really screw up your moods. Since I have been diagnosed with epilepsy my mood disorder has changed from bipolar type 1 to organic mood disorder. This confuses enough people that when asked I just tell them that I'm bipolar.
I know that you really want to go back into nursing but have you looked at other avenues? I'm kind of ignorant of all the ins, outs and rules of human nursing because I'm actually a vet tech. In this field I work with animals in a medical setting. I do everything from cleaning cages to dentals to patient care to running anesthesia. With your training and intelligence you might want to consider something like veterinary techology or working in a vet's office. I know that the rules are not as strict in regard to disability and ability. In most states, you only need a two year degree. There are many good online programs in the field now. You might want to also get in touch with your local vocational rehabilitation office and see what kind of training they can provise you. They sure helped me get my training when I was on disability years ago because of the uncontrolled seizures. I'm really fortunate to work for a vet who is very understanding of my problems to put up with my issues. Having good skills and ability doesn't hurt either.
Even if you don't think that vet work is for you, there is something out there. You just have to look hard for it. I know as I have been in your shoes but without the husband, and it's darn hard. Follow your dreams. Don't let people keep telling you what you can and cannot do. Just look them in the eye and tell them that you can do it. Sure you'll stumble a time or two but you did that when you were learning how to walk. Stumbling is natural. I stumble all the time because of the right sided hemiparesis that I have from having uncontrolled seizures for many years.
Sorry that my spelloing and syntax is bad as I was having seizures today and I'm still not quite all here. Take care of yourself. You will do well if you allow yourself to. :redbeathe :
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I also have been diagnosed with left temporal lobe epilepsy. ...
Sorry that my spelloing and syntax is bad as I was having seizures today and I'm still not quite all here. Take care of yourself. You will do well if you allow yourself to. :redbeathe :
Fuzzy, who is really fuzzy today.
Fuzzy thanks for writing. Glad you have been able to find a good boss who will help and understand!
It's ironic but the meds I take for bipolar are SEIZURE meds, lamictal and depakote! do these AGGRAVATE bipolar? the lamictal is 100 and the depakote is 1000 ... I wonder if these meds also MAKE me fuzzy. Well I guess they are a necessary evil ...
I am sorry you had a rough day. You don't seem all that fuzzy :)
Yes the drugs can really make me fuzzy, tired and sometimes really squirrely. This is why I have a hard time taking them at the levels that the NP wants me to. I take trileptal, lamictal, and risperadone on a regular basis. I have ambien, ativan, and clonopin for PRNs. I've been on many drugs over the years including tegretol, topomax, neurontin, seroquel, zyprexa, lithium, paxil, prozac, geodon, and most likely a few that I don't remember. Many of these made me stumble into walls or caused me some really bizarre side effects. I've made a choice not to become so doped up that I cannot live or think like a "normal" person. I want to live life not watch it go by. I have tried to learn some lifestyle changes which helps keep some of the demons at bay. I'm also in therapy which helps since I live by myself. Sad but true, other people see the weirdness before I do. So seeing a therapist, helps me to know if things are getting out of control before I have to be committed.
Specializes in L&D,surgery,med/surg,ER,alzheimers.
Interesting to meet another left temporal lobe epilepsy person on here. We are an odd lot. I have been diagnosed with both Bipolar and LTLE for 14 years. I have taken every med you can probably name. presently, i take seroquel (big dose) and lamictal, trileptal and topamax. I take 15 pills a day. The seizure meds and bipolar meds are often one in the same.
I wish i could really believe my own words when i say that my meds and my diagnosis is what is holding me back. if I was looking in, I would say yes, it is justifiable that I am on disability and not working. But I feel like a failure, like an imposter, like I am not really sick with seizures and bipolar. Like it is not my reality.
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Interesting to meet another left temporal lobe epilepsy person on here. We are an odd lot. I have been diagnosed with both Bipolar and LTLE for 14 years. I have taken every med you can probably name. presently, i take seroquel (big dose) and lamictal, trileptal and topamax. I take 15 pills a day. The seizure meds and bipolar meds are often one in the same.
I wish i could really believe my own words when i say that my meds and my diagnosis is what is holding me back. if I was looking in, I would say yes, it is justifiable that I am on disability and not working. But I feel like a failure, like an imposter, like I am not really sick with seizures and bipolar. Like it is not my reality.
Thanks phlox and fuzzy. Yep I deal with that guilt and feeling of failure and like I am "taking advantage of the system" all the time...
Liddle Noodnik
3,789 Posts
You're still here, and you're still fighting.
Edited - (((((((((Phlox ))))))))))) keep coming back and you can always send a private message or, after you get to know someone, get their email address so you can support each other. :)