Nurses that don't ask for help then cry when they don't get it...

AlphaM · Jul 15, 2015

This is a topic that has come up a few times within the past week. Why is it that some nurses believe that other nurses should be monitoring them to see if and when they get behind, to volunteer and help them? I love to help other nurses but how am I supposed to know that you have just finished passing your 9pm meds at 1am? That breaks my heart at the same time I had no idea what your situation was. I see it like this. If you don't ask for help don't expect help...

What ever happened to being proactive and lending a helping hand? Personally if I see that someone needs help, I will help whether they ask me or not.

~PedsRN~, BSN, RN · Jul 15, 2015

I am not going to beg you to let me help you. If your pride is such that if I ask you if you need help (and if I am caught up and I see you running, I will absolutely ask you what I can do to make your night better) - and you still say no, you are fine, then you deserve the crazy. I am not going to kill myself to help. I don't know your patients, I don't know what they need, I do not know what I can do to help you unless you tell me.

My favorites are the ones that refuse any and all offers for help, and then ***** and moan about how crazy busy they are.

lberryj · Jul 16, 2015

There was a nurse that was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Several nurses asked to help her and she said no. Then the nurse approached her again at 5am and asked if she needed help. The nurse running around replied " well it's 5am now"...shrugs. At the end of the shift sure enough she talked about how crazy her night was and that nobody helped her...

RNperdiem, RN · Jul 16, 2015

Sometimes a nurse falling behind in the work can get so flustered that it is difficult to single out a couple of things that another nurse can do. That flustered feeling is a state of mind that makes you even less efficient at breaking up work into chunks that can be handed over to another nurse- could you draw those labs while I chart?

People also vary in how observant they are of other people's emotional states.

lberryj · Jul 16, 2015

I completely understand what you are saying, and I feel it to be true, however, I don't think it would be fair to say nobody helped..

lberryj · Jul 16, 2015

Nothing wrong with being proactive and lending helping hands, because in essence we do that every day. However some how the nurse got behind in her med pass and nobody knew it. Most nurses don't need help with med passes if that is the only thing they have to do at the time. But no way in the world would I do that to my patients. If I am reaching my 1hr past due limit, I'm asking for help. Now If I asked a nurse for help and she said no, I think that's a different ball game

Adele_Michal7, ASN, RN · Jul 16, 2015

I love being asked for help. I'm more than happy to give it. I'm definitely not a mind reader, so if someone doesn't ask, I might not know.

I do have a way of checking in on new nurses. It's happened like 3 times now that I happened upon the unit where they were working "just in time" to help them with something where they were way out of their depth. It made me nervous, though. What would they have done if I hadn't needed to run down to their unit and use the copier?

I always tell everyone I work with "hey, if you need any help with anything, let me know."

lberryj · Jul 16, 2015

Nothing wrong with being proactive and lending helping hands, because in essence we do that every day. However some how the nurse got behind in her med pass and nobody knew it. Most nurses don't need help with med passes if that is the only thing they have to do at the time. But no way in the world would I do that to my patients. If I am reaching my 1hr past due limit, I'm asking for help. Now If I asked a nurse for help and she said no, I think that's a different ball game

Caffeine_IV · Jul 16, 2015

I agree it isn't fair to say "nobody would help me" when someone did offer or ask. I admit when others offer to help me I often don't think they mean it (so maybe that is her reasoning). Because I usually get the shocked "oh" look when I actually take them up on it.

When I offer to help someone, I try to be specific and it works.

May I pass any meds for you?

Do you want me to finish asking questions on your new admit?

Can I start the fluids for you?

I can start Ms Turner's IV if you are busy.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jul 23, 2015

I've noticed that a lot of the newer nurses (or even a Crusty Old Bat like me -- when I first returned to work after a prolonged medical leave) can get busy to the point where they cannot even think of what help they need. Usually, if you're paying attention, you can spot someone who is crazy busy and doesn't know how to ask for help -- or what help they need -- and just step in and help them out. It takes someone who is organized and fairly under control to know what exactly to ask for help WITH. (Sorry about the grammar.)

If someone's patient falls or codes or has a VAD alarming, everyone in the unit is right there, offering help. But the nurse whose patient is stooling continuously requiring a complete bed change hourly may not be able to think far enough ahead to ask someone to check on her other patients and offer them pain medication or whatever. If my patient is coding in room 21, I might not be thinking to ask someone to do vital signs and labs on my patient in 22. Someone who isn't in on the code could just step in and do that.

Pay attention to your colleagues. If you're just shopping on the internet and someone else seems to be running around, find out what's going on and then offer some specific help. "Do you need me to do your vital signs and I & O on Mr. Smith?" "I can go draw those labs for you. Does he need any meds?"

It would be wonderful if everyone who needed help asked for it. But just sitting back and not helping someone because they can't get it together enough to ask for help is not being a good team member.

SierraBravo · Jul 23, 2015

I've noticed that a lot of the newer nurses (or even a Crusty Old Bat like me -- when I first returned to work after a prolonged medical leave) can get busy to the point where they cannot even think of what help they need. Usually, if you're paying attention, you can spot someone who is crazy busy and doesn't know how to ask for help -- or what help they need -- and just step in and help them out. It takes someone who is organized and fairly under control to know what exactly to ask for help WITH. (Sorry about the grammar.)
If someone's patient falls or codes or has a VAD alarming, everyone in the unit is right there, offering help. But the nurse whose patient is stooling continuously requiring a complete bed change hourly may not be able to think far enough ahead to ask someone to check on her other patients and offer them pain medication or whatever. If my patient is coding in room 21, I might not be thinking to ask someone to do vital signs and labs on my patient in 22. Someone who isn't in on the code could just step in and do that.
Pay attention to your colleagues. If you're just shopping on the internet and someone else seems to be running around, find out what's going on and then offer some specific help. "Do you need me to do your vital signs and I & O on Mr. Smith?" "I can go draw those labs for you. Does he need any meds?"
It would be wonderful if everyone who needed help asked for it. But just sitting back and not helping someone because they can't get it together enough to ask for help is not being a good team member.

This was stated so perfectly! If I could like your post again and again, I would.

Nurses that don't ask for help then cry when they don't get it...

To help or not to help