What Is The Most Disrespectful Thing A Colleague Has Said To You?

[Ruby Vee]

The recent thread started by a CNA who left work after clocking in because she was "disrespected" has left me curious about what could possibly be disrespectful enough to have someone shoot themselves in the foot by just leaving work. I've been wracking my brain, trying to come up with something and have no answers. But I do remember a few times when I've been disrespected at work, and it's far enough in the past now that I find myself laughing about the incidents in question. So I'm wondering -- what is the most outrageous, disrespectful and funny thing a colleague has said or done to you?

I met my husband at work, and for four years watched him date every travel nurse, RT or nursing colleague who crossed his path. We were friends, belonged to the same group of friends, and I liked him, but I had a boyfriend. Then I watched him date this woman I'll call Elsa, a charge nurse on our unit who was in her late 20s and twice divorced. Elsa wanted to marry every man she ever dated, and shortly after she came to work and told everyone she was marrying Matt, he dumped her. Shortly thereafter, she started dating Willy, one of Matt's close friends and a member of our group. Willy was also divorced twice at 28 and wanted to marry every woman he ever dated. The two were married within six months. Meanwhile, I broke up with my boyfriend and went out with Matt just for kicks.

Matt and I dated for four years, which surprised the heck out of me, because I wasn't really looking for a relationship and didn't think he was either. At the five year mark, we got married.

I was standing at the Pyxis one day shortly after Matt and I got married, and Elsa walked up to me and said "I could have Matt any time I wanted. The only reason he married YOU is because he couldn't have ME."

"That's not how I heard it," I replied.

"Oh, you can't trust your husband to tell you the truth about old girlfriends," she said.

"I heard it from YOUR husband," I said. And walked away. It wasn't until hours later that I realized that I had inadvertently come up with the perfect response. And it was the absolute truth!

So what's the most outrageous thing a coworker has said to you?

[whichone'spink, BSN, RN]

Nothing directly about me, but it was somewhat disrespectful.

Once, during lunch time I was with another nurse, an anesthesiologist and a radiology tech, and the subject of refugees came up. There are lots of refugees in my city, brought over by Lutheran Social Services. The anesthesiologist and rad tech did not have anything good to say about refugees. It was the usual claptrap about how they come to the country, how they get welfare, how they don't work, and how they don't integrate. Said anesthesiologist and rad tech are both from Germany, and related their commentary back to the wave of refugees in their home country. Of course, I am the child of immigrants (not refugees, they didn't have to flee an awful situation), and they both clarify they're not talking about THOSE immigrants. I am usually suspicious of people when they rag on refugees. How do they feel about me, or others who are not white?

Although they both have somewhat of a point regarding refugees in my city. At my hospital, the housekeeping staff is now made of staff from African countries. I'm not impressed by how they work, as it's hard to get ahold of them to do a stat clean of a room. We hold patients for long periods of time because rooms are not cleaned in a timely manner. They also don't really clean other areas of the hospital either, such as nurses stations and break rooms. I always see them in the cafeteria sitting together.

Other than that, I haven't had any direct disrespect to my face. That's the problem though. I always wonder what do people say behind my back? It's just an anxiety I have, which has lessened with time. I know I'm a decent nurse, and any potential haters can go screw themselves.

[Pepper The Cat, BSN, RN]

I was told it was OK if I left late (because my replacement is always late) because I a was single and there was no one waiting at hime for me. So it didn't matter if I left late.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I was told it was OK if I left late (because my replacement is always late) because I a was single and there was no one waiting at hime for me. So it didn't matter if I left late.

Ouch! I was told that I should work Christmas for a certain coworker because she had a husband and a baby while "you have no life." Not only did I NOT work Christmas for that coworker (although I would have had she asked me nicely or offered to trade for another holiday), but I told my single friends what she said. No one else would work Christmas for her, either. (Pam, your six month old can't read the calendar and won't know whether Santa came on December 25 or the 23rd or the 27th!)

[RainMom]

I also have a hard time coming up with a memory of feeling disrespected at work. I do recall one senior nurse sternly telling me when I was in orientation that I was "too nice. You're gonna burn out fast if you don't toughen up". This was after she overheard me on the phone ( I don't recall if it was a doc, family or what). She didn't realize I had spent my entire adult life up to that point working in a position requiring tons of customer service & I've perfected the ability to make the "customer" feel like I'm bending over backward when I really couldn't care less.

Ahh, just thought of one... At one of our first staff meetings with a new manager (3 units present), a coworker asked about missing dynamaps which we were supposed to have in each pt room. She rolled her eyes, looked at the nurses from the other floors, & said "Well, aren't we spoiled!" Thanks for perpetuating the attitude that my floor is the "penthouse"...(Ortho is not a cakewalk but it seems everyone from other depts thinks it is.)

[MrNurse(x2), ADN]

Many years ago my med/surg unit was going to be transitioned to a progressive care unit and take on cardiac tele, including post-op OHS. The ICU nurses were totally against this and told us it wouldn't work because "floor nurses work with their backs and ICU nurses work with their brains"

I respond with babies are spoon fed (doctors give ICU nurses info they would never tell a floor nurse, even if asked), adults have to hunt and gather for their knowledge. I respect the skill set and knowledge they are given, as I wouldn't want it, but don't assume I am stupid, I have found things multiple doctors have missed.

[llg, PhD, RN]

These "You're single -- therefore, you don't matter" comments bring up memories. Yes, I have gotten those comments before and they really irritate.

The one that sticks out most in my mind though, was a comment from my mother. I was probably around 30 years old and single. My (married) sister, my mom, and I were talking about buying some nice things for our homes ... and my mom said, "Oh, llg, you're not married. You don't need nice things." My sister and I just looked at each other and laughed. Once mom realized why we were laughing, she realized how stupid she had sounded and laughed with us.

But I rarely laugh when people at work say such things -- because they seriously expect us single people to make sacrifices for them as if we don't have meaningful lives, too. If they seriously believe that, I did my heels in pretty firmly.

[BeckyESRN]

I broke my ankle leaving my last clinical during my first semester of nursing school. We had a nice long break and I was due to be out of my cast in plenty of time. Unfortunately, once out of the cast, the doc realized that I need surgery to correct a ligament issue that had developed. So, I withdrew from my nursing classes and stacked up a bunch of other required classes and rejoined the following semester.

Fast forward to my first nursing job after graduation: at the nurse's station with all of new co-worker, I see on of the women that I started nursing school with and she says very loudly "Oh, I remember you! You flunked out that first semester!" I was mortified, but managed to reply that I actually had a fractured ankle and subsequent surgery.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I broke my ankle leaving my last clinical during my first semester of nursing school. We had a nice long break and I was due to be out of my cast in plenty of time. Unfortunately, once out of the cast, the doc realized that I need surgery to correct a ligament issue that had developed. So, I withdrew from my nursing classes and stacked up a bunch of other required classes and rejoined the following semester.

Fast forward to my first nursing job after graduation: at the nurse's station with all of new co-worker, I see on of the women that I started nursing school with and she says very loudly "Oh, I remember you! You flunked out that first semester!" I was mortified, but managed to reply that I actually had a fractured ankle and subsequent surgery.

How rude! I wonder if she realized how rude she had been, or if she was a "blurter".

[ElectricCabbage]

While on orientation for my full time LTC job as a new grad (my area of choice, by the way) the battle axe of an RN I was working with that day looked me eye and said "I always feel so sad when I see new grads working in long term care. What a waste". Gee... thanks...

[NottaSpringChik, BSN, RN]

In the jail that I work in one of the deputies told the inmate patients "she's kind of a nurse but not really a nurse." She validated her statement by expaining I wasn't a "real" nurse because I didn't work in a hospital;and also because the state I work in had "low standards for licensing." She had a big spiel about how her mother was a real nurse in Washington State and there are higher standards there. Seriously, this caused so much trouble for me with the patients (inmates) it was unbelievable. It's already a difficult situation earning the trust of these patients.