Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Nurses Relations Video Nurse Life

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Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.

I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.

Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.

Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.

Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.

I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.

No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.

No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".

No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.

NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).

No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).

No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.

No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.

I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!

Have fun!

kprnc58 said:
Why are we afraid to talk to our pt's about their weight? It's time we treat their obesity as the disease condition it is, and educate them about the consequences of it: sleep apnea, diabetes, heart disease and osteoarthritis to name a few. It's obvious that many physicians are uncomfortable with this topic as well. I've cared for many pt's who were oblivious to the fact that their 300 lb. weight was the reason they were having a knee replacement at 40 y.o. and that they could likely improve the pain by losing weight. We are doing them a disservice by not talking to them about their weight.

One of my absolute favorite docs at my hospital will write things on discharge instructions like:

1) Quit drinking or YOU WILL DIE

2) Lose weight or YOU WILL DIE

3) Stop smoking or YOU WILL DIE.

I appreciate someone who is so up front with patients. And the truly wonderful thing is that she doesn't just write it and leave it to me to go over with the patient. I've heard the lecture she gives and no matter what I would say, mine is a rather mild reminder!

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Kylee45 said:
From what my instructor said, she just calls to complain. Myself and my other two classmates made sure we asked her a lot of questions, volunteered to run to the lab, set up rooms, etc. and we did OK with her. At post converence yesterday, our instructor said "X (the nurse's name) is just X. She's been here forever and you can't change her. The hospital can't change her. She will teach you everything you want to know if you ask, but you need to put her rudeness aside." I've seen her be rude to patients. She may be an excellent nurse, but she's the kind of nurse I know I DON'T want to be.

That's why she's there! She's a great example of a bad role model :lol2:. During nursing school I also had a similar nurse and she was rude and borderline facetious with everyone, EXCEPT the MD's. Budda wouldn't melt in her mouth when any of the docs were around! :banghead:It was almost comical, if you could see past her nastiness towards everyone else. She'd almost simper when talking to them. And giggle! I almost lost it the first time I heard her. After that I just viewed her as a sad, lonely woman, who had to make other uncomfortable and looking bad to try to make herself feel and look better. Kinda sad, really. Great thread, we've all had experiences like this, you just have to put enough time between you and the incident to see the humor in it.

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"No, I don't want to see your weenie. Not only is it uninteresting, it's the smallest weenie I've ever seen on an adult male!"

Looks just like a member, only smaller! too funny

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Last night I had a nice elderly woman pt in bed one ask me to turn on the bright light because it was difficult to read her newspaper with the dimmer light. I turned it on and helped her to the BR. While waiting for her to finish, the 20 something female pt in bed 2 calls me and asks if I can turn off the light "over there". At the same time, her boyfriend is climbing into the bed (a tad smaller than a twin size) with her (with his coat and shoes on-talk about dirty)! I wanted to tell him them that this is not the Waldorf-Astoria or the Ramada. They ordered pizzas and were watching tv and doing who knows what else. SHES SICK STUPID!!! Take your dirty ass off of the bed, go buy some flowers or a get well gift like a real man, let her eat the salad that was ordered for her, and say good night since visiting hrs ended 2 hrs ago. Your visit is pointless!

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
bluesnurse said:

I work in an office setting, so the peeves are a little different, but I'd still love to give it to 'em straight.

1. Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. I will call in your RX refill to the pharmacy today. It will probably be near the close of business, after I've dealt with the 36 people who have been waiting months for an appointment, half a dozen triage work-ins, and umpteen add-on procedures. It's a shame your cruise to Hawaii leaves in 2 hours. Next time count your pills and plan accordingly ... A week or more in advance would be good.

This is also true when you're requesting that refill 15 minutes prior to closing time on Friday. Especially when you're requesting that refill 15 minutes before closing time on Friday, you have missed your last 2 appointments, and you were told the last time you pulled this that you would not be given a refill until you had the appropriate lab work done! Standing there yelling "If something happens to me because I don't have my medicine it will be all your fault!" doesn't help your case any, either.

2. Yes, I know you just saw Dr. A. And she changed the dose of one of your meds. Did you listen to a word she said? Telling me the pill is pink is not useful information. Next time please bring a notebook or your secretary so I do not have to waste time hunting down the note and doing a review session on the phone.

5. I don't make the schedule. I don't control how long the md spends with each pt. If you have a problem with the above, take it up with her, no me.

6. Corollary: if it were *your* mother in there with acute sob, 3+pitting edema, and a sbp of 76, would *you* like the doctor to move things along so the next person is not late for her hair appointment?

Do not make an appointment for 2:30 for one kid if you have to pick the other one up at school at 3 pm. Do not make an appointment here 1 1/2 hour before you have to be at another appointment 40 miles away. Do not make an appointment here when you're in a real hurry to be anywhere else for anything else at all. We really don't particularly wish to look at you for any extended period of time, but there may be paperwork to update, the provider may be running behind due to an emergency or two or an unexpectedly ill patient or unexpectedly complicated procedure or any number of other things. It's not realistic to expect to take no longer in our office than it might take you to get your order at, say, McDonald's.

By the way, if you are in a hurry, looking out of your exam room door every 30 seconds to see if it's your turn yet is not going to make anyone move any faster.

Don't tell me you can't afford your medications while you're sitting there with a pack of Marlboros in your pocket. Your meds are generic and on the Wal-Mart $4 list.

Don't look at me as if I'm stupid when I ask what medications you take and how you take them. Yes, I know I prescribed them. What I want to know is whether or not you're taking them correctly. Even though the list is on your chart, I want to see a list or the actual meds or both. And if you didn't bring either, then telling me "Its a little white pill" really doesn't help much. Do you have any idea how many different "Little white pills" there are out there?

If you let your child or children behave in a way to make a savage blush, we will consider it to be a reflection on you and your parenting skills or lack thereof. We don't find it funny when a four-year-old curses us or flips us off. We aren't amused by being bitten, kicked, or hit, nor by watching your child do those things to you. If you don't address your child's inappropriate behavior, don't be shocked or offended when I do. If you don't like the parenting lecture you are going to get, then don't come back. Please. On the other hand, don't be concerned that I'll be upset when your 18-month-old doesn't want me to examine him; it's normal for a child that age to cry or to push my hand away. Biting and hitting are still not acceptable, however. If you tell your child "If you don't behave I'll have them give you a shot," then expect to be flatly contradicted, in front of your child, immediately. I will not have your child be afraid of me because you can't be bothered to come up with an appropriate consequence, and I will not have your child believe medical treatment is punishment. Don't let your child play in the cabinets and drawers in the exam room; you don't know what he or she might find in there. And that big red trash can with the red plastic liner that you're letting your kid mess around with? You really, really don't want to know what might be in there (but I'll give you a hint, this is the room I use to do pelvic exams!)

By the way, letting your child run loose in a large clinic is probably a really bad idea. Letting your child run loose and out of your sight in a large clinic long enough to trash someone else's waiting area is an extremely bad idea. And no, your child did not run crying back to you because I spanked her. I said something to her she has probably never heard before: no. As in, "No, you may not dump all 50 puzzle pieces all over the floor again! Now, go find your mother." speaking of spankings, however, now that I have you identified....

Boy, do I feel better now!!

Bluesnurse, you rock!!

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Don't piss off your nurse, it could be a very long 12 hours

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Specializes in LTC, MNGMNT,CORRECTIONS.

" and one more thing, I'm the only person in this entire building that gives a hoot about what happens to you and probably the last person you want to ps off"

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Specializes in Med Surg, Hospice.

Had this happen yesterday. I got finished with all of my baths, and had one patient (who is as precious as can be. She's the one in the above mentioned post about how she hates to "bother" me) on the BSC. My favorite RN (male) comes in and explains that there's a patient on the other wing that doesn't want the male PCT to give her a bath, she wants a female. Would I please give her a bath. Of course, I can't say no, never mind that it's almost time for blood sugars, and I have been trying like crazy to get off the floor since 9:00 (now almost noon) because I've got to eat. (Was getting a migraine, upset stomach, and starting to shake). So, I went and got the towels, washcloths, and a clean gown and I go into the room. There is sister and brother hovering. I said I was going to give her a bath. Brother got the hint and took off. Sister, however, hovered... (Did I mention how much I hate people who hover?) I no sooner got her face washed, than in comes the IV team. I politely asked them to come back as she was getting her bath now. IV team refused. So, I had to wait till they were done. Then in comes the NP. AND another nurse. What started as a 5 minute bath and go turned out to be an endless parade, and no one would leave. by the time I got done, it was time to do blood sugars, and then I had to feed lunch, and I finally was able to get off the floor at 1:30. How I got to the cafeteria is still beyond me because I was in so much pain from the migraine that I could barely move.

1 Votes
kprnc58 said:
why are we afraid to talk to our pt's about their weight? It's time we treat their obesity as the disease condition it is, and educate them about the consequences of it: sleep apnea, diabetes, heart diseaseand osteoarthritis to name a few. It's obvious that many physicians are uncomfortable with this topic as well. I've cared for many pt's who were oblivous to the fact that their 300lb. weight was the reason they were having a knee replacement at 40y.o. and that they could likely improve the pain by losing weight. We are doing them a disservice by not talking to them about their weight.

Considering how many doctors are morbidly obese, counseling someone about their weight could be a problem.

At least, the ones around here are. We have quite a few, both male and female, who are in the 300-400 pound range. :eek:

1 Votes

To all the older men who want to show me their member......I could say,It does not look like one to me, or Where did you say it was ? lol

1 Votes
Kylee45 said:
Had this happen yesterday. I got finished with all of my baths, and had one patient (who is as precious as can be. She's the one in the above mentioned post about how she hates to "bother" me) on the BSC. My favorite RN (male) comes in and explains that there's a patient on the other wing that doesn't want the male PCT to give her a bath, she wants a female. Would I please give her a bath. Of course, I can't say no, never mind that it's almost time for blood sugars, and I have been trying like crazy to get off the floor since 9:00 (now almost noon) because I've got to eat. (Was getting a migraine, upset stomach, and starting to shake). So, I went and got the towels, washcloths, and a clean gown and I go into the room. There is sister and brother hovering. I said I was going to give her a bath. Brother got the hint and took off. Sister, however, hovered... (Did I mention how much I hate people who hover?) I no sooner got her face washed, than in comes the IV team. I politely asked them to come back as she was getting her bath now. IV team refused. So, I had to wait till they were done. Then in comes the NP. AND another nurse. What started as a 5 minute bath and go turned out to be an endless parade, and no one would leave. by the time I got done, it was time to do blood sugars, and then I had to feed lunch, and I finally was able to get off the floor at 1:30. How I got to the cafeteria is still beyond me because I was in so much pain from the migraine that I could barely move.

Did you tell the male RN that you'd be happy to do the bath, but he needed to have everything ready to go - and help you by doing a couple of your blood sugars?

1 Votes
Hydakins said:
Last night I had a nice elderly woman pt in bed one ask me to turn on the bright light because it was difficult to read her newspaper with the dimmer light. I turned it on and helped her to the BR. While waiting for her to finish, the 20 something female pt in bed 2 calls me and asks if I can turn off the light "over there". At the same time, her boyfriend is climbing into the bed (a tad smaller than a twin size) with her (with his coat and shoes on-talk about dirty)! I wanted to tell him them that this is not the Waldorf-Astoria or the Ramada. They ordered pizzas and were watching tv and doing who knows what else. SHES SICK STUPID! Take your dirty *** off of the bed, go buy some flowers or a get well gift like a real man, let her eat the salad that was ordered for her, and say good night since visiting hrs ended 2 hrs ago. Your visit is pointless!

I cannot believe the nerve of some people.Years ago,there was some

hanky-panky going on while a pt.was on tele.There is a reason why

you are there.After you are cleared and LEAVE the hospital....you can do what you want to do.

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