Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 53

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   justjRN
    I am thrilled you want to pluck the pills out of the med cup and put them all in your other hand- I am sure you will not drop any of them, but then when you do ask me frantically "which one did i drop?? Was it the pain med??!"

    Pretty sure using soap when you wash your hands is optimal. Not just waving your hands under the water twice then drying them after you wiped yourself

    PRN pain meds = as needed, not scheduled so dont yell at me when i dont wake you up at 4 am from a sound sleep for your prn pain pill. You are in a rehabilitation hospital.

    What part of "can we bring anything in for you" dont you understand over the call light system and you just say "yeah" or "my nurse" Then I come in and you ask for pain medicine. Not like we were trying to save a trip or anything or even bring the meds in more timely for you. Now i have to trek all the way back to the other end of the unit to the med dispense which is next to the nurse station and call light phone we just asked you if we could bring you anything/what you needed.

    Much better! thanks for letting me vent!!
  2. by   talaxandra
    "Yes, there are two standards here - your neighbour can have a cup of tea, but as you exceeded your fluid restriction before the afternoon staff arrived, you can not. And, as we have told you already, it's not 'just lemon' it's lemonade, and therefore counts toward your fluid restriction. The same as water. Yes, I'm not surprised you feel short of breath.
    "No, you can't have a cup of tea, too. Aaaaaargh!"
  3. by   talaxandra
    Also from tonight:
    "When I tell you that I can't make icepacks for you because we have an emergency with another patient, but you're welcome to make one up yourself:
    1) don't tell me you don't know how - I worked it out and so can you; hint, they involve ice, a plastic bag and a pillowslip;
    2) don't come wandering up to where all the drama is to have a sticky beak and get in the way - go back to your room;
    3) don't buzz for me again 5 minutes later, I'm still busy;
    4) oh, she doesn't look that sick to you? I'll just tell the crash team that Dr Bed-Twenty-four thinks the young girl with a BSL of 0.7mmol/L (27mg/dL) and a core temp of 31.4C (88.35F) is fine and they can leave.
    Last edit by talaxandra on Jan 29, '09
  4. by   queenjean
    Here's an actual conversation I got to have last noc (and it felt good!):

    Pt, after we've discussed her plan of care for the noc: Thank god you're my nurse tonight. I had a real ****** of a nurse last noc who wouldn't let me eat and just lectured me about what I was eating and was like "blah blah blah" all noc, she was a real pain in my a$$.

    Me: Well, I'm sorry that teaching wasn't effective. I must confess that *I* was that ******, and when I was lecturing you, I was trying to explain a little concept called cause and effect. You eat, you throw up. You are here for nausea and vomiting, and I was trying to help you. I *tried* to explain to you that your GI tract needs rest, and that I can't just give you meds to fix your problem. Instead of blaming others or calling people who clean up your vomit and stay up all night trying to help you nasty names, you need to take some personal responsibility for your health.

    Pt: Uh. Sorry. I, uh. Yeah. Uh, so I can't have a hamburger?

    Me: You can when you leave. And you can leave whenever you want.

    Pt: Uh, if I stay, will you still take care of me?

    Me: Of course. But taking care of you means you don't get a hamburger.

    Pt: Uh, okay. Sorry.

    Geez, people! If you have gastroenteritis and you puke every time you eat, STOP EATING! It's NOT rocket science, for crying out loud! How did you survive for 38 years with such complete lack of common sense? You are pathetic!!!!
  5. by   talaxandra
    Ah, I love when patients tell me about the evil nurse who looked after them the night before when it was me!
  6. by   chicookie
    ROFL I love that!

    Dramatic Music
    Nurse: That evil nurse that you had last night *suspenseful pause* was me. (DA DA DUM!!)
  7. by   helicoptergal
    i occasionally thought about saying when my pts smoked while wearing o2 for end stage copd because of long term smoking, and they said they did not o2 was flammable.rotfl:bowingpur
    Last edit by UM Review RN on Jan 30, '09 : Reason: TOS
  8. by   Chixie
    We know you were smoking so stop lying!!! We can hardly see you through the smoke
  9. by   Magsulfate
    Oh my goodness, there is sooo much I would like to say, but I can't, where should I start? haha...

    Are you really sure you want your 100 yr old grandma that you left in the nursing home for the last 20 years to be a full code? Even though she has a peg tube, is on a ventilator and levophed, is getting dialysis everyday, has all four extremeties contracted, a very large unstagable decub on her butt that requires a urostomy AND a colonostomy, and hasn't been awake in 4 years?? So, You really want us to try and roll her to her back while her legs are curled up in the air and we can't pry her contracted arms away from her chest,, and then crack her ribs while we do CPR on her???

    Since you want us to call and ask permission for EVERY SINGLE thing that we do to your mom, I am just calling to ask you if we can put her on a bedpan now or would you like her to crap on herself in the bed? (this after daughter threw a fit when we took a chest xray of her mom because she has pneumonia, copd, and chf.and we didn't call her to ask permission) And YES you ARE allowed to come in every other day and throw a fit with the nurses and managers and DEMAND that the CEO come to the room RIGHT NOW to straighten out exactly WHYYYY your mom is getting protonix 40mg IV every morning. That way the managers and CEO will already know you are whacked out when you complain about me trying to reposition your mom every two hours.

    Yes, since you are CRAYZEE, you are allowed to throw pudding out your door and hit whoever happens to be walking by, and then blame it on them darn republicans.

    Please let me clean out the fecal matter from your fingernails, and THEN you can scratch your crotch and pick your nose. . And then to daughter that comes in later and asks why there is poop under dad's fingernails,, well, daughter, you are certainly welcome to cut his nails, hospital policy keeps us from cutting them, and since dad refused, I cannot do it or else I could be charged with BATTERY like you said, remember? I certainly cannot do anything he doesn't want me to do for him. And cutting fingernails is not an RN specific job. You can do it, you can also give him an extra blanket since it's right there on the chair, quit calling me for little stuff like that, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU TAKE CARE OF HIM AT HOME? CALL 911 WHEN YOU NEED A GLASS OF WATER?? Then don't call me!!!

    Sure lady, as soon as I step out of the room, PUSH THE CALL LIGHT AGAIN!!!! I love you so much that I want to come back in FIVE SECONDS to give you another kleenex WHEN THE BOX IS IN YOUR HAND.

    Please please please, crap again as soon as I am finished cleaning you, even though you are only 40 years old and can tell me that you need to poop and get up and walk to the commode, I WANT YOU TO CRAP ON YOURSELF, because I LOVE to clean it up.
    Last edit by Magsulfate on Jan 29, '09 : Reason: fixed a word
  10. by   squeakykitty
    If you can reach the call light that often, you can reach the
    1. Kleenex
    2. Water
    3. Your magazine
    4. Snacks
    5. Blanket to pull up
    6. Miscellaneous
    since they are right next to the call light.
  11. by   aloevera
    Easttexasnurse31,,,,,,,I cannot stop laughing.....and the pitiful part is,,,I can relate to it, so, sad........what is wrong with people?????
  12. by   helicoptergal
    Easttexasnurse31,,,,,,,I cannot stop laughing.....and the pitiful part is,,,I can relate to it, so, sad........what is wrong with people?????

    LOL I say that all the time. Sometimes I think what is wrong with us. But we keep coming back.
  13. by   aloevera
    yes, we are gluttons for punishment it seems.....