The "bully" nurse

salibi · Mar 20, 2009

what happens when the bully is the nurse manager who has made her co-bullies the charge nurses and the hospital management isn't interested or even believes that the nurse manager is a bully because her intimidation tactics have gotten the unit high press ganey (spelling?) scores?

PeaceonearthRN · Mar 20, 2009

I have a better one. What would they do if there were enough jobs OUTSIDE of hospitals.. hmmm.. maybe we should all get together and invest in one or two or l00 of our own.. bullys may not apply.. It could be like a reality tv show..

YOUR CANCELLED>

Hebb · Mar 25, 2009

:wink2:I have enjoyed reading all of these posts for over an hour. :yeah:I love the many suggestions we offer one another and offer of help to each other to feel like we are 'normal' in one aspect of this field of Nursing we chose together. I have seen bullying, felt bullying, confronted bullying. I have become a better Nurse for this. I have witnessed many bullies, and frankly, feel bad for them and their waste of energy to feel powerful. I am not a loud person. If I have something to say, I say it. I don't holler or raise my voice. If I see something that needs changed, I bring suggestions. If I see someone being bullied, I go over and ask, "hey, what's going on?? And give the bully the evil eye and continue to nuture the learner. :up:Firstly, I believe we are human and need to feel like we belong in a positive way. That we are to be respected, not inspected. :up:Secondly, I believe we need to listen to our innerself, and we "know" when we are being bullied, or put down, or made feel bad. This is when we need to rise up and listen to that little voice inside us saying, "hey, why am I allowing this person to talk to me this way", "I AM going to stand up for myself. I will feel better when I do this. I am a good person, I am a smart person, I am a believer in my accomplishments this far, and I am not tolerating your negativity in MY space. Please refrain from speaking to me unless you have some positive evergy to bring my way." "I am only listening to positive, helpful and encouraging comments today". :up:Thirdly, my wish is for the work to get done, the Nurses:nurse: to get along, the staff to work together as a team, and for everyone to leave at the end of the day feeling good. Amen!:redpinkhe

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Mar 26, 2009

I sure hope I don't encounter bullies, it won't fly well. I was bullied in elementary school really bad, I was the poor, abused child. Went to school in second hand raggedy clothes or my sisters hand me downs, always had bruises all over me, was very shy and introverted or I would act out. Finally I got into JHS and was at a new school and this group of girls would bully me, I took wood shop and was the only girl and got along with the guys really well and so these girls were insecure and would push me around. I went home crying and my step dad told me that if I didn't stand up for myself the next day that he would beat me. The girls never bullied me again, one went to turn my head because I wouldn't look at her friend when she was talking to me and at that moment I got a rush of adrenalin and stood up for myself.

I have never been bullied again. I did make it my mission for a long time to bully the bullies, may not have been the appriopitate thing to do, but it made me feel good and turned the tables for once. I always stand up for the "little guy" as well. I have talked to my kids about bullying a lot and taught them to stand up for others as well.

I was looking at the employee handbook for the Hospital I hope to work at, and it seems like they have a very strict policy on any negative behavior (rudeness, gossiping, antagonizing, belittling) you have to sign the paper saying you will not participiate in any of it and talking about the serious reprocussions about it so hopefully it wont be a problem there.

NurseShelly · Mar 26, 2009

I have a saying, "Nurses eat their young" This is what I tell all new nurses. The bully nurse to me is defined as the older nurse, not in age but in experience, who tests your knowledge about your patients by requiring an "anal" and exausting report on each patient. To have yourself ignored as he, she, flips through the chart as you speak, or reviews the assessment for a mundane insignificant detail that has no bearing on the patients present condition. Their endless questions and complaints about what did or didn't get accomplished during your busy understaffed shift. This is an attempt at intimidation and in my opinion is determental to new nurse's job satisfaction. Remember we are a team and it is a 24 hour job. As a new nurse 9 years ago, I was repeatedly drilled until I could take it no more and faught back. But unfortunately some of my class mates did not ,and thus quit the floor. Nurse's don't eat your young, our job is stressful enough without this going on. Be a mentor instead, instruction not destruction. Hint for all new nurses, the "bully" nurse doesn't respond well likewise and they usually will leave you alone if you give it back to them.

Well said!!!!

javajaydon · Mar 27, 2009

I have worked with some nurses who did everything in their power to run anyone out of the Nursing Home that were not part of their clique. They had the Administrator in their back pocket, or should I say they were so far up the Administrator's behind, all you could see was their feet kicking. LOL. Seriously, they ran some very good workers out of the facility running. This wasn't just other nurses. It was buisness office/HR staff, dietary staff, activity staff, laundry/housekeeping staff, maintenance staff, and even the DON. These people have/had no heart, compassion, or even an understanding of what their behavior does to people. Driving several of them to the brink of suicide, to the point that they had to find other employment, or even to the point that they couldn't even work in health care anymore. I am just wish that I could have/would have seen what was going on, and done something about it. The resident's are who really paid the price for these bullies nastiness!

wondern, ASN · Jun 11, 2009

When I finally confronted the bully nurse one morning she cussed at me using the f bomb word in front of patients and staff. She told me in no unclear terms so as all staff there and all rooms of preop patients in their chairs could easily hear,"If you don't f _ _ _ _ _ _ g like it here why don't you just leave?!"

At the end of the day the manager wrote me up after asking if I confronted her and I told her yes. She said I created the 'confrontation' which was unprofessional behavior. She said I also shouldn't have asked her about staffing. I had practiced asking for more help the night before with my husband so to keep my voice firm without shakiness. You see the LPN that was supposed to be working with me that morning came to me saying this other, let's call her the 'bully nurse' said she needed her that day, in addition to 2 other techs, meaning I was alone with lots of patients.

After several such absolutely ridiculous, unsupportive in the least, write ups, by my new non nurse manager, and never having been written up in the hospital before transferring to this clinic area, 4 years earlier, I was finally terminated after refusing to transfer out of the area regardless of the manager's threat that she would write me up again. It just wasn't right.

I had worked hard an additional 13 years in the medical center, where I felt like I had been part of a family, and had even advanced to SNIII level in this magnet hospital at one point in time. I walked a fine line everyday trying to avoid these ridiculous write ups. It hurt. I had had a really good record. This manager though, she finally got me for going out of the chain of command. I tried to save my job any way I knew how. The manager was telling me she was doing something about the bully but the bully only got stronger and more allies. It was my own fault that I hurt so long because I didn't leave. I am responsible for myself and where I am. I should've never stayed for that abuse. We are all worthy of more than that. It will be 4 years soon since I've worked.

I'm really scared of going back to work. I just don't trust in management having zero tolerance any more. Plus, having to tell my story to prospective employees is such a bummer. I can't lie. They, the bullies, even said me going out of the chain of command was, 'rude and unprofessional behavior' which was a breach in conduct policy which looks really bad when they ask you on an application if you have ever broke a conduct policy. I felt desperate for help.

I know and the man upstairs knows, too. I lost so much sleep over this stuff. That part, being so tired, wasn't fair to my patients and I really loved my/our patients. I had letter after letter of thanks and even small gifts from patients and their families. I gave my all to all. I was not deserving of the treatment I got. In a 'will to work' state it means nothing legally, though. There is no legal fight.

The manager knew that. One day after lunch and a busy morning surgery schedule, she took the patient chart from my hands while I escorted my surgery patient in to the room. She then in turn escorted me to my termination past the 'bully nurse' in the hall who grinned sarcastically, then chuckled out loud, as I was escorted, like a criminal past her for my final humiliation. It's like she knew to be in the hall watching. That's the thanks I got for 17 years of commendable nursing service at this fine large teaching medical center. I never harmed a patient and helped save at least three lives directly while I worked there that I know of. God must've decided I deserved the break though, even if I wouldn't give myself one. :bowingpur Thank you, Jesus.

I guess my point to all this is, love yourself enough to leave. It just hurts when I hear some people blaming the victim for not standing up to the bully/bullies. If they have management behind them, laughing along, there is really no hope for the victim even if she does stand up to the bully. It's really sick and abusive how many lives they hurt. It's not only the nurses. It's also hurting the families who love them, and look up to them, partly for what they've worked so hard to accomplish as a professional nurse, just to be constantly attacked at the workplace by a bully and her enablers.

How many have to hurt and go through the abuse before a law is made?:selfbonk: How many nurses, both experienced and new, have to leave nursing before something is done to stop workplace bullying?:selfbonk: Our patients deserve nice, non bully type nurses who are being run off, in some cases in the wrong manager's hands, by workplace bullies. Managers and administrators:dancgrp::hlk: must step up, especially DON's, who have non nurse managers managing their nurses as it was in my case, anyway.

I'm glad to hear Joint Commision has created a policy against this bullying at the workplace. Now, if managers will only enforce the zero tolerance policy towards bullying, even if it is their buddy doing it. Others happiness, lives and careers depend on it. :redbeathe:heartbeat:redbeathe

NursieGirl199 · Jun 11, 2009

I was under the impression that to get ahead and be promoted one had to be a team leader and the ability to gt along with others!! How do bullies get in positions of influence so easily??? If you are not a person who gets along with others, and is one who instigates an atmosphere of nastiness and aggression how do they end up in charge???? This seems more common than not. The admin and DON where I use to work were the nastiest people I have ever met. Just lurking to pounce on someone: nurses, aides, etc. Does one really get to the top by getting along with everyone???? hmmmm .... not to mention the most important person while NURSING is the resident/patient and how is that going to better the patient when we are half the time busy covering our ***es getting out of the bullies way. IMHO ..... how convoluted this all is..... :bowingpur oh and yes the DON and Admin were micro managing ..... fun times had by all!

wondern, ASN · Jun 11, 2009

We should all expose bullies for what they are and the things they do so that others can easily identify and call out these unacceptable behaviors in the work place. Just to start with a few things the 'bully nurse' did that I was so unfortunate to work with, and also lost that battle with, was:

1) Even though she's usually obnoxiously loud, she often told secrets in front of others, actually whispered like a child with her hand cupped over her mouth to coworker buddies.

2) She spread rumors, some about competency of others, some profanity, not only about coworkers even her supposed 'friends', their children, spouses, and even the doctor she worked for, just in an attempt to alienate each other from working as a team, and to make herself feel superior, I guess.

3) She would volunteer to you that she wrote good things on your peer evaluation. Then you'd be shocked when you got in there with the manager and she changed most everything, saying her husband told her to change it when asked later what happened. He didn't even work there. Isn't that a privacy issue in itself? It is to me. It also affected our annual raise, as well.

4) She made others laugh by doing things like pulling your scrub pants down in front of patients, even some doctor's pants. :rolleyes: People did appear to like her. She was funny and popular.

5) She would try to push your buttons by telling support staff to not help, to leave patients waiting, that she and and the dept head needed their help instead. She was overheard by another RN and myself telling the LPN we worked with, "If you really want to **** so and so off, leave the patients charts in the bin for her to get by herself as much as possible..." That meant patients waited unnecesarily in a cancer clinic, for the love of God! I reported it to management. This was shortly before I was fired. How can someone be so hateful? :cry: :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Oops that was more than a few things, sorry. As you can tell, I could go on and on. That was a long time ago, too, almost 4 years. It still hurts at times. I'm still healing, I swear...

NursieGirl199 · Jun 11, 2009

Wondern, If I had not seen it for myself where I use to work I really would not have believed that Nursing Supervisors could behave like this! It is terrible!

When you think that they are caregivers to others and look how they behave with others???? If they treat their peers like this how can they be kind and compassionate nurses with patients?? I have been a nurse since August 2008 of last year and I know there are very professional nurses out there. but too bad we have to work with the nurses who, for some reason, have emotional problems. It is such a shame.... I am hoping to be a nurse that I myself can be proud of and bottom line respect myself. Pulling people's pants down and gossiping in public is anything but professional. I am amazed this behavior has not been reprimanded!

wondern, ASN · Jun 12, 2009

Thanks for listening and your replies, NursieGirl199. I appreciate your compassion and time also, sister. :nurse: :nurse:

I'm feeling a little better already. :redpinkhe It's amazing what a friend in nursing can do to help each other if they just want to and then act on it. Every year around this time I remember the anniversary of my canning/freedom. 17 years was a long time, but stuff happens and without laws/strict policy what are you going to do? I should've given in and transferred away if I wanted to keep my job. Maybe deep down I knew I'd had enough. I was a fighter though. I did not lie down to the bully. I'm sorry you have witnessed this same kind of unprofessional behavior already in your career. If we can't respect and support each other even when questioning each other, how are we to evolve as a profession? Thanks again for the posts, NursieGirl199.

Best of luck to you in your nursing career!!!:redbeathe:heartbeat:redbeathe

PeachPie · Jun 12, 2009

sometimes what appears as a bully nurse is only an insecure person trying to climb out of their own hole of insecurity.

The whole "Bullies are insecure" mantra is overrated. On a website about bullying, it said that bullies sometimes have high self esteem. Some I've seen I am convinced are sociopathic. I also fear what bullying will be in the future, as people know less and less about consequences. Remember the cheerleaders who beat up the girl on camera to post it on YouTube, were put in jail, and honestly thought that they were going to going to make it to cheerleading practice that weekend.

I had a bully nurse who had emotional outbursts. As soon as she came in, she's start ranting about how unfair her assignment was. I learned to tell her to take report from me when she could be civil.