Should I intervene?

Nurses Relations

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I have two "problem" coworkers. One is an second career new grad RN in her 40's. She is a little off--she is older than me but acts very immature, doesn't seem to understand her finances, and socially inept. She will downright ignore normal social behaviors (look over my shoulder when I'm charting or working on the computer, ask me questions when I am on the phone or working, and when I say "one minute please!" she will literally put her hands in front of my computer screen, etc). She wanted me to explain to her how our company's health insurance plan worked. I'm in my early 20's, I have no idea how it works, I'm trying to understand it myself. I told her as much as I could, with that disclaimer, but she basically wanted me to look up her questions for her. I think there might be a cultural miscommunication, she is from Europe but has been in the States for twenty years.

The other is a "know it all" my age, who always wants to be right and has to have the last word. I sense she is very insecure and she will pick up when the previous coworker is upset, and pick on her to make her more upset! This happened yesterday in front of me and several other coworkers. I understood her frustration at the previous coworker but there was no need to put this lady down in front of other coworkers.

It has progressed to the point where coworkers are avoiding these two. I'm not one to hand out advice, but since I am the "nice" coworker, these problem coworkers gravitate towards me. I want to speak to the first coworker and maybe (politely) give her a few pointers on some communication differences. I want to pull aside the second coworker and let her know that she is hurting others' feelings (I think she genuinely does not realize that she is putting down others). Then a part of me says, who am I to be giving advice? I should just amp up my ignoring efforts and cut them off. But I want my workplace to be better for everybody, and I feel like all these ladies need is a little advice (just maybe not from me...)

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Specializes in ER.

Stay out of it.

Specializes in Peds Urology,primary care, hem/onc.

The first coworker who is socially inept, the next time she does something to YOU, you can pull her aside and use examples of the things she has done to YOU that are going to get her in trouble with the rest of the staff. You can do it nicely, under the premise of "I would want someone to tell me this and I want you to get along and be successful here) route. Key here is to do it nicely and respectively and keep emotion out of it. See how receptive she is. If she will have none of it and is not receptive, then I would stay out of it and at least you tried.

The second one, unless she does something directly to you.... I would stay out of it.

Not a nurse, but I would advise doing nothing that compromises YOUR efficiency.

If you want to and can help do it. Don't compromise yourself in the process though.

My opinion about life.

A very good sign would be if they sought you out. Again not a nurse so take my opinion for what it's worth.

I have had other jobs though. If a person is not willing to learn there is nothing you can do. If they seek you out that is a good sign in my opinion. As they recognized a problem, and are trying to correct it.

Before then you can insinuate it, but you might meet with a brick wall if you do otherwise. You can't help people who don't want it.

I don't know much about autism but if someone had the level of social ineptness you're describing it sounds beyond just being an akward person, like they maybe have aspergers or something. Personally I would talk to them like you suggested.

I agree with paramedicRN about talking with the socially inept coworker. She may very well have Aspergers or be a neuro-atypical individual who would benefit from gentle coaching. Unfortunately, the other one is a bully, probably always has been a bully, and will make you Herbert target if you try to intervene. I guess you have to weigh that risk against doing what you feel is ethically the right thing. Good luck to you.

Yea, well I was saying you should talk to both of them, the bully and the other girl.

Specializes in Emergency, Telemetry, Transplant.

Definitely stay out of the 2nd situation. If you say something to the "know it all" nurse, you could end up next on her 'hit list.' If other people are turned off by her, then those other people need to deal with it. You can get yourself into a sticky situation by getting involved in this, and you may upset more people that you help by sticking you nose in this.

As for the first situation--I like what a PP said--frame it as "I would want someone to tell me this...." Don't sigh, don't sound upset (even if you are), watch your tone of voice so you don't sound like you are chastising her. Given her age, her behavior is probably deeply rooted, and you may not be able to change it, so I wouldn't expend too much energy on trying to make said change. Give her one or two gentle suggestions; otherwise, it may be best to just let it go.

"It has progressed to the point where coworkers are avoiding these two." Because that is the way to handle it.

There is no reason for you to take responsibility for their social problems.

Other than telling the older nurse to get out of my face when I am charting, I would ignore it.

Stay out of both situations because you re going to get into very sticky situations. I think management should be let in on this, and monitor it, but its not your place to step in. Protect yourself and for others who gravitate to you, its nice they feel comfortable to talk to you about those two. Do not get into confrontation with either of those co workers and do your job. So ignoring and avoiding conflict with those coworkers will help you further. Humiliating the colleague by the second problem co worker should be reported to management, but if you were not physically there I would not get involved. Someone who was there should say something to management because that is really uncalled for and could lead to further problems.

Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

What I would do in real life ... is talk with some of my colleagues who have witnessed the abusive behavior of the bully. Can you implement a plan together to deal with the bully? Either speak up (together) in support of the person being bullied or go to management together. Standing around letting a bully get away with hurting someone is not right -- and only gives the bully more power.

As for the older person, I would probably do as the previous poster suggested -- speak to her nicely the next time she does something to you. And set firm limits with her. Remind yourself frequently that you are not helping her when you tolerate/enable bad behavior.

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