Not doing a good job

[lizet4455RN]

So I've been a nurse for over a year and got my first job right away. I've been at this company for that same amount of time. I'm a peritoneal and home hemodialysis nurse. We work in a clinic setting. A lot of paper work, charting, making appointments, etc. I've been having some issues where I forget to do something, whether it's chart a certain event, order supplies, refill prescriptions, and I've been behind on a few things. I know I have to work on my time management and my organization. Today the manager comes and tells me at this point I should be doing a lot better. That I should know her job by now better then her...she said I need to step it up. I tried to talk to her and let her know I agree with what she said, but I tried explaining why sometimes I don't finish something (I have a bad habit of doing too many things at once and something gets missed.) She said I shouldn't get defensive, but I didn't think I was. When I left for the day I think she was talking about me to the pct, but that might have just been my perception.

I honestly feel like I'm such a bad nurse. I feel like I want to quit and start fresh somewhere else. I hate the feeling of being inadequate. She said she thinks some of the dirty work (emptying red bins, needle buckets) that I don't do because she thinks I feel I'm above doing that. I was clear and told her I don't think like that at all. 

Maybe I shouldn't have become a nurse. Maybe I'm just not thick skinned to take criticism. I feel like no matter where I go I'll always have issues. 

Some advice or if this has happened to someone and have a suggestion would be great. 

[mmc51264, BSN, MSN, RN]

If she is your mentor/preceptor or orienting you in some way, I would think she would help with some strategies to help you get better. It's fine and dandy to tell someone they aren't performing the way they need to be, but they should then offer to help that person. 

I use EPIC at work and there is a work list/req documentation list built in. Is there someway you could create something like that?  I too, am someone that multi-tasks and doesn't always remember to go back. The lists help. 

Just a small thing but, hang in there. 

[dream'n, BSN, RN]

The manager says you should know HER job better than she does?  And she is the type of person to talk about an employee behind his/her back with another employee?  The manager sounds awful.  Did she approach you with specific issues and discuss ways to improve with you?  Did she really say that you feel too above it all to do the "dirty jobs?"  If so, I'd look for another employer. 

[lizet4455RN]

30 minutes ago, dream'n said:

The manager says you should know HER job better than she does?  And she is the type of person to talk about an employee behind his/her back with another employee?  The manager sounds awful.  Did she approach you with specific issues and discuss ways to improve with you?  Did she really say that you feel too above it all to do the "dirty jobs?"  If so, I'd look for another employer. 

She literally said "by this point you should know my job better then me" in regards to when she's off nobody should be calling her because I should know. But I'm not a manager...she said some things I agree with, I gave a patient a hep b shot assuming he needed one. And I forgot to refill a prescription. But other then that I felt her criticism didn't have merit. She said "what do you think you SHOULDNT HAVE TO do?" I said nothing, that I felt I should do everything. She disagreed and said she felt that wasn't the case. I told her I don't think like I'm over anything or above anything. But she wouldn't hear it. Then on my way out I felt like when I walked in the room, her and the pct we're eating snacks on their phone and looked like they just finished talking about me. The tech gave the manager a nod like a "she's coming nod". The thing is I made very good money at this place. Nurses get paid 30 but I'm making almost 39 because the area manager didn't wanna lose me as matched an offer I had somewhere else. So I don't wanna lose that. Just don't know where to go from here. 

[dream'n, BSN, RN]

Think hard about what to do. 

     Many years ago I had a boss that HATED me on a personal level (for illegal BS reasons) but I was a tough cookie and wouldn't let her push me out of my job.  I worked hard and was polite.  I knew I did my job well.  I hung in there.  She would downright lie about me and was so unprofessional she actually refused to speak to me for months even about urgent patient matters.  She left me out of work meetings.  Upper management wanted to appease her as she had been in the job for decades, but again, I had done nothing nor was doing anything wrong. She did her upmost best to get me to quit by making me miserable and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction.

     But I stayed too long.  She made work such a living hell that my self-confidence eroded.  I felt so lonely, depressed, anxious, and that something must be wrong with ME for someone to hate me so much.  So I bit the bullet and resigned finally.  It took a very long time for me to recover parts of myself that I had let her take from me.  

     So I'm just saying to you or any other nurse that has experienced this; think long and hard before you allow yourself to be berated or undermined.  There is no shame in leaving for your own sanity.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I had a similar situation with an assistant nurse manager who for some reason unbeknownst to me hated my guts. She was constantly calling me into her office to berate me for some minor thing, and after awhile it really began to weigh on me. She’d say things like “your co-workers have some concerns”, which made my paranoia go into overdrive because I thought I was getting along with them just fine and no one had said a blessed thing to me about their “concerns”.

The last straw came on a day when she tried to pin a missing narcotic on me. I hadn’t even gotten keys yet so I was obviously not guilty, but the expression on her face as she glared at me told me all I needed to know about her intentions. I quit not too long after this, when I had a complete breakdown on being called into this manager’s office yet again. I needed therapy after this. And believe it or not, I got unemployment benefits, even though I’d resigned, because the hospital didn’t fight it and the Employment Division believed me when I told them about the extreme stress I’d been under. That bought me some time to rest and figure out my next move, which was to a wonderful assisted living community. 
 

Bottom line, don’t stay where you are constantly being devalued and demeaned. Life is too short for bad jobs.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

The manager and the PCT are best buddies.  PCT complains that you don't help her enough with HER job, manager complains you don't help her enough with HER job.

You already have too many duties to assist the PCT with emptying garbage.. and you do not have enough time to take on managerial duties.

It's a toxic workplace. You have a valuable skill. Look to apply it elsewhere. Do not let anybody know you are looking for another position.

Good luck and get outta Dodge.

[JKL33]

13 hours ago, Been there,done that said:

The manager and the PCT are best buddies.  PCT complains that you don't help her enough with HER job, manager complains you don't help her enough with HER job.

And it seems pretty possible that the main reason this manager came out of left field with these "too good" accusations against the OP is because she's being fed a line by her buddy the PCT.

[Katie82, RN]

I think many of us would admit that they "hated" their first job. For a lot of reasons... stress, feelings of inadequacy, unrealized expectations. And the list goes on..... Time to admit that this will not be your forever job and plan for a change of scenery. Sounds like too much drama is keeping you from succeeding. Spread your wings.