Non-student friends....

Sarah Kat · Dec 28, 2003

I let people like that suck me down my first time around. I wish I'd told 'em to bugger off and just persevered. My heart wasn't in it though (I was a psych major).

I am 26 and finally going back to school for practical nursing. Nothing's gonna stop me now... :cool:

IMHO people like that are either jealous or they have low self esteem/inferiority complex and are trying to puff themself up by deflating your ego. I would recommend if you want to stay friends with folks like these, it is best done from a distance.

Good luck. We will support you here! :kiss

Glycogen · Dec 28, 2003

You have just described my 'friend' to a T. Although she stuck secondary school out to the very end she never really cared very much for the educational life. Every single weekend all she wanted to do was go out to pubs or discos to 'chat up' boys we knew from primary school. If I told her couldn't make it due to study commitments I'd get this big talk on one night of not studying wont matter, to your always studying blah blah blah. Not to mention whenever someone didn't/doesn't do well at something she always has to get in their faces about it, rub it in, ha ha type person. Enough to drive one up the wall at times (I avoid her at all costs now).

NursePru · Dec 28, 2003

Remove those types of people from your life. They only bring you down. Once you get through school if you want to try to salvage the friendship then do it, but until then don't let anyone drain you. I've had the same friends my whole life and they are very supportive. If for one second they started pulling that crap with me, I would have to at least temporarily set them aside until I'm done school or not talk about the subject with them at all.

I had to do this with a family member. Everytime I brought up my goals it was always negativity or questions like "Why are you doing that?" With my first bachelors she made a comment about it being pointless...which my response was "NO education is pointless." I had a huge fight with her one day and told her what I thought of her comments and that if she wouldn't support me in what I was doing then I couldn't be there for her either. Since then, things have been dandy....

Carolanne · Dec 28, 2003

Unfortunately, we will always encounter people like this in our lifetimes, people who want to drain our positive energy and deflate our dreams which somehow inflates their own egos in the process. It's a transfer of energy. It's a test of our own strength and desire to accomplish our goals. Stick to your goals and dreams and you will be a great role model in the process.

Catma63 · Dec 28, 2003

Admittedly, my best friend has taken on the tendency to make that disappointed face or use that abandoned tone of voice whenever I see her or talk to her on the phone. I don't mean to make her feel like she's been put on the back burner but, well, in a way she has. Everything has. It has to be that way. This is mine and my family's future.

I feel if my own friend ever blasted me about the lack of time I have for her then I'd have to consider just how fair or how good a friend she is. These studies aren't a picnic by any means. They take hard, dedicated work. If friends or family members don't understand that, then mores the pity. Nursing school lasts a short while....not that long, really. If they're real friends they'll understand and stick by you as you go through one of the most trying times of your life. If they don't, what kind of friend is that?

Sheri257 · Dec 28, 2003

They're just jealous. And it's probably worse with younger people.

I had that attitude when I was younger too. Stupid, really.

They'll realize the value of education when they're stuck in minimum wage jobs and you're not.

Of course, they'll be even more jealous by then.

RNIAM, BSN, RN · Dec 28, 2003

people to "rent space" in my head. I would tell them about my life in nursing and they would make me feel like crap. I love nursing and I have worked darn hard. Not one person will ever be allowed to tell me that this was easy. It is and will always be the most difficult but also the most fullfilling and exciting thing I have ever done. I am so proud of my accomplishment! You have no idea how wonderful I feel! Hold your head up high and find friends who encourage you. :)

HyperRNRachel · Dec 28, 2003

I have one friend like that and, ironically, she is a nurse. She tells me, you do not need to study all that stuff is easy! Yeah right. I think she does this because she would rather I go out and "party" with her. THe sad thing is she has 4 children whom she neglects. The last thing she needs is to be out at nightclubs and such. I feel that I am now 33 years old and I have to do this right, failure at this point is not an option!

Congradulations to all of us who have decided to commit ourselves fully to achieving our goals. In the end we will answer to our gods and ourself....not the negitive people who tried to stop us.

This post is a perfect example as to why this message board is so helpful. Everyone here is in the same boat. Sink or swim........

nursecompassion · Dec 29, 2003

warning........this will be long.

My story.......

I had three very close best friends. Two of them are cousins to one another.

Anyway I met Cass in junior high, and she remains my best friend for life. Her cousin Val I met in junior high also, her and I no longer speak. Lastly Charlotte and I became best buds my senior year.

Well, Charlotte was one of those who always wanted what everyone else had and knew everything and had no empathy for anyone.

Valerie was the good girl who had a child in senior year and perservered and became an rn.

Cass, her cousin met the wrong guy, has two children and has yet to decide what she is going to do with her life.

Myself, I married my highschool sweetie, have two beautiful boys, chose the wrong career, but now am in the right direction.

I was always close to cass and val, but not as to char. Well to be honest sometimes I would get jealous of the time char and val spent together sometimes they left me out or at least i felt that way.

To cass I was more of the sis she never had. Her parents were my parents and vice versa.

Val and I were close I was there when she found out she was prego and through the whole thing with her.

Well life can get in the way sometimes and we drifted apart. I did not attend her graduation do to vehicle problems and she did not come to the birth of my second child. ( took him to see her at six wks)

For like five months I kept trying to talk to her and make arrangements with her. Never once did she return my phone call. I felt like I was not good enough for her. After all, she got her rn, bought a house, two new cars, and what did she need me for?

Well I knew her and char still did things together, so i felt like that was my cue to exit her life.'

So I wrote to her and told her how I felt and that she and I were no longer friends. I've never heard from her.

I invited her to cass's bbshower and she came and we did not speak.

Anyway, I was never jealous of Valerie for her success. I just wanted to share in her joy, to be able to talk to her. You can't communicate with a wall.

Cassie on the other hand, in the eyes of some may be a failure. She's not though. She has issues she needs to deal with, and although she may not call me back (runs in the family i think) she is always there and I am always there for her.

I still think of Val and wonder what I did , I miss her and our friendship. Her daughter came up to me and asked where my son was at the shower, it was really sad (they were playmates).

Sometimes though you have to let go, or you will let yourself get pulled down.

It is hard.

I understand though about people in your life who are negative to though. My oldest sister is like that. She holds grudges and blames everything bad in her life on our parents. So finally I decided i did not need her in my life.

She is so angry and hateful. You don't need ppl like that. Blood or not.

sincerely jules

Catma63 · Dec 29, 2003

Originally posted by RN2be
people to "rent space" in my head. I would tell them about my life in nursing and they would make me feel like crap. I love nursing and I have worked darn hard. Not one person will ever be allowed to tell me that this was easy. It is and will always be the most difficult but also the most fullfilling and exciting thing I have ever done. I am so proud of my accomplishment! You have no idea how wonderful I feel! Hold your head up high and find friends who encourage you. :)

I'm going to honestly admit to y'all though......I think the person who has been the least understanding is my husband. Not to say he doesn't help as much as he can but there's been many a time he's complained of the long study hours or said that I "take that stuff wayyyy too seriously!" He doesn't understand when I'm majorly stressed out.....well, he just doesn't understand, period. I've often wished I had magic words I could say to him to convince him that this really IS hard and that the last thing I need from him is complaints. I need encouragement, support, understanding. Now, how to get it.......

rn_in_05 · Dec 29, 2003

It's too bad that there are so many people out there who can only feel good when they're making someone else feel bad. It's their problem, not ours. (unless we let it be) Life is too short & we've all fought too hard to get where we are. We can't let unhappy, negative people suck our energy away.

Spouses are a whole different ballgame. I don't pretend to know what to say except to talk, talk, talk. And listen.