Non-medical family who think they know everything!!!!!

pepsihla · Dec 31, 2007

Tell them oral hygiene is more important than hair hygiene. A clean mouth prevents an array of infections and mouth sores. Ask them if you had to go without brushing your teeth for 3 days or washing your hair, which one would it be?

Ruby Vee, BSN · Dec 31, 2007

this is an aside to the thread i posted a week or so ago about a friend of my mom's who had an intraventricular bleed. i was upset at being bombarded with status questions on a patient that i knew virtually nothing about. that situation has been resolved, but another has cropped up.
mama's friend is in a room now, out of the icu. mama made a comment last night to a family member of the friend that "they're not bathing her.", and "i told that little girl to wash her hair, but she didn't".
i tried to explain about the load those poor nurses have on them, since i used to work there, and (and this really burned me up!) mama said, "well, in icu they only had 2 patients apiece. what possible reason could they have for not bathing her? she needs a bath."
i am not denying that the lady needs a bath. i fail to see how it falls to my mama to see to this, as she is not family. at any rate, as a nurse, soon to be an np, it chaps my hide to no end to hear my own mama carp about how us nurses have all the time in the world to run a beauty salon with all else we have to do. anyone else have this happen? thanks, and happy new year!!!!!!

years ago, when i was planning to be a journalist, my own dear mother told me to be a nurse because "all they do is sit at the nurse's station all day and drink coffee while the aides do all the work." (no, i didn't believe her and the fact that i eventually went into nursing instead of journalism is a whole 'nother story.) she has tried to tell every nurse she's encountered since that she knows all about how to do their jobs because her daughter is a nurse. i'm sure they just love to see her coming! she's your mother, too, and nothing you tell her is going to sink in. she knows best because she's your mother![/size]

mesixfuture · Dec 31, 2007

I don't work in a unit, but I can feel your pain. I work postpartum and

everybody's mother, aunt and grandmother knows exactly what I should do to take care of their little girl, and they're not afraid to tell me. I actually had one new dad "teach" his wife how to breastfeed. It was amusing to witness, but also frustrating because she eventually gave up sore, cracked, and blistered because he couldn't figure out how to latch the baby on, and they weren't accepting outside (i.e. nurses) help.

ktwlpn, LPN · Dec 31, 2007

Mama's friend is in a room now, out of the ICU. Mama made a comment last night to a family member of the friend that "They're not bathing her.", and "I told that little girl to wash her hair, but she didn't".
I tried to explain about the load those poor nurses have on them, since I used to work there, and (and this really burned me up!) Mama said, "Well, in ICU they only had 2 patients apiece. What possible reason could they have for not bathing her? She needs a bath."
I am not denying that the lady needs a bath. I fail to see how it falls to my Mama to see to this, as she is not family. At any rate, as a nurse, soon to be an NP, it chaps my hide to no end to hear my own Mama carp about how us nurses have all the time in the world to run a beauty salon with all else we have to do. Anyone else have this happen? Thanks, and Happy New Year!!!!!!

Ye gads-at least on a weekly basis.I love the family/visitors that complain that "no one watered mom's flowers" If people really knew the responsibilities of an RN in ICU working to keep an unstable patient alive they'd be knocked out.

She does sound like a bit of a busy body...I'm surprised that no-one in her friend's family has told her to "butt out" or called you to ask you to tell her so.She seems bent on causing upset-I'm sure she really does love her friend but she is not handling the stress well.

As for your own feelings-many of us need counseling at some point in our lives to help us accept/overcome what we feel are short comings in our mother/daughter relationships.Your mom's attitude towards your profession really hurts and angers you and at her age I don't think she'll ever change so it's up to you to choose how to react. So many of us spend ( or waste) years of our lives striving to get something from a parent that they are unable to give and it's too sad.It's sad to see that play out even through a parent's final illness and death.

You have a great deal to be proud of in your life and you are learning a valuable parenting lesson.Your children will be very lucky to have you....

banditrn · Dec 31, 2007

Ruby - God bless mothers, but they can really be a trip sometimes. :lol2:

Years ago when I first started going to school, I said something to my mother about how all the classes would be the same in the very beginning, then students would branch off and go their separate ways, whether it be nursing, medical school, pharmacology, etc.

Well, my mother heard the words 'medical school' and locked on them. Then whenever I was around, she would tell everyone that HER daughter was going to 'medical school'. :uhoh3: I would correct her, but she'd do it again the next time.

rph3664 · Dec 31, 2007

My father, who has no formal medical training of any kind, has driven his own doctors crazy because he tries to tell them what to prescribe for him.

He's had histoplasmosis for some time, mainly because he stops taking his medication when he feels better :nono: , but he's gone from doctor to doctor trying to find one who will give him amphotericin B because he read something online where it would cure him. I've told him repeatedly that he DOES NOT want to use that, and that it's a medication of last resort to the point where the people on it rarely leave the hospital alive - they're that sick.

Before that, he had mycoplasma pneumonia, and when my sister, who was living in another state, got bronchitis, she was prescribed amoxicillin. Dad said, "Oh, that won't work", refilled his Z-Pack, and sent it to her via FedEx. :uhoh3: She told me about it, and said, "I'm not going to take it because it wasn't prescribed for me!" I know what he did was motivated by love, but this is why we have resistant organisms.

Oh, and one other thing. When he's not feeling well, he will sometimes double up on his medication. When I found out about that, I told him that this is one reason why we have an estimated 100,000 deaths every year from prescription medications.

He also sometimes asks me if I prescribe this or that. I told him, "I'm not allowed to prescribe anything" but I know what he means.

AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN · Jan 1, 2008

Thanks, all. I know y'all get tired of listening to me whine. The truth is, Mama and I are a lot alike, we're like a Jack Russell in ways. We latch on to a project and will NOT give it up for anything. Not a bad trait to have, until we get to the point that, as my hubby says, I start getting "all yappy". :lol2: Thanks again for the input, off to watch the ball drop!

AuntieRN · Jan 1, 2008

My mom had surgery this past June and I flew home to take care of her because after all I am the nurse in the family. Well she started in preop telling the nurses they had better do things the "right way" because her daughter was a nurse and would know the difference. She wouldn't let them start her IV until they verbally explained to me step by step how they were going to do it. What she neglected to tell them was yes her daughter was a nurse however she had only been licensed for 7 months. I felt so bad for all the nurses who took care of her because I knew how they felt.

Mom also has other medical problems for which she is taking medications or should I say is supposed to take meds. She medicates herself the way she feels she needs to be medicated. Then when she doesn't feel well will call me and complain and then tries to tell me how to take my meds.

Good luck to all the nurses in the world. I keep saying at work we need a no visitor policy just so we can get our jobs done. The pts usually aren't the problem or delay its the families.

hollyvk, BSN · Jan 1, 2008

This is an aside to the thread I posted a week or so ago about a friend of my mom's who had an intraventricular bleed. I was upset at being bombarded with status questions on a patient that I knew virtually nothing about. That situation has been resolved, but another has cropped up.
Mama's friend is in a room now, out of the ICU. Mama made a comment last night to a family member of the friend that "They're not bathing her.", and "I told that little girl to wash her hair, but she didn't".
I tried to explain about the load those poor nurses have on them, since I used to work there, and (and this really burned me up!) Mama said, "Well, in ICU they only had 2 patients apiece. What possible reason could they have for not bathing her? She needs a bath."
I am not denying that the lady needs a bath. I fail to see how it falls to my Mama to see to this, as she is not family. At any rate, as a nurse, soon to be an NP, it chaps my hide to no end to hear my own Mama carp about how us nurses have all the time in the world to run a beauty salon with all else we have to do. Anyone else have this happen? Thanks, and Happy New Year!!!!!!

Angel and all the rest of you on the frontlines of patient care,

I believe that one of the BIGGEST challenges currently facing nurses is that the general public has no real idea what a nurse does. This is your opportunity to educate the patient, their family, your family, and the general public.

When you get "silly" questions and remarks like, "no one washed her hair," your response should be something along the lines of:

"The nurses only had enough time to work at keeping her alive and to keep her from getting worse. They didn't have enough time or staff available to do extra comfort measures like her washing hair or giving backrubs. Hospitality care is not the same as hospital care. Please understand that nurses want to see their patients leave the hospital in better medical condition than when they arrived. Nurses have only a short time to care for and teach the patient and family about the medical condition and its treatment. Patients who want "hospitality care" now have to pay extra to get it, insurance only covers the basics."

Unrealistic expectations deserve a non-hostile explanation, and in the long run this will make your life easier. My favorite "setting new expectations" (but not a good example of patient/customer relations) was the home health supervisor who told the demanding family with a child receiving private duty nursing care at home, "don't p*ss off your nurses, they're the only ones you're going to get." :eek:

HollyVK, RN, BSN, JD

former hospital & homecare nurse (and pt advocate supervisor)

ERRNTraveler, RN · Jan 2, 2008

My sister & I are both RN's, and if my mom is having a medical problem, she'll call us and ask all sorts of medical questions. Then, when one of us doesn't tell her what she wants to hear, she'll call the other one & ask the same questions, hoping to get a different answer...... :uhoh3: