Newer RN being treated poorly by Coworker(s)

[TaylorBean]

The title isn't anything new to ones eyes and I am posting to let other newer RN's know they are not alone and to also share my story so maybe it can help with decisions you are about to make

I have been working in the ICU for a bit over a year now as a new grad in a community hospital. Orientation was great, I had 2 amazing preceptors and thought I was on the road to success. Yes, I noticed some nurses who had strong personalities, some who were more than likely grumpy every shift, some who treated the aides poorly, but never thought that I would be treated poorly. My issue on my unit has been RN's who snap/yell at you in front of others.

I am a very kind person, I do not like confrontation, I want to be liked, and it's hard for me not to take things personally. I am a sensitive person, and I truly love nursing and enjoy passing my calm and caring nature on to my patients. I want to do the best I can for my patients.

So the story is- in front of others I have been snapped/yelled at twice by one employee, once by another and the occasional eye roll, passive aggressive comment etc. Recently I was just getting so upset about it and decided to go to my assistant manager where I began to cry and say I just don't understand why I am being treated like this? I help others, I am a team player and I try my best to be the best nurse I can. He said it's not you, so please don't think that. He told me to go to our director. - probably the biggest mistake I could of done. And here's why... the minute I mentioned I was being treated with disrespect, my director had become defensive, stated that she was unaware of these behaviors on the unit- which unfortunately is a lie, because other employees have also mentioned this issue and one aide had to switch shifts due to this issue. She actually called in the assistant manager, and he was asked if there were any negative behaviors he has seen on the unit. He said "no". He lied, because there have been multiple behavior issues on the unit. At that point in the meeting I felt like I was thrown under the bus by my assistant manager and stated that this was a mistake coming to meet with you. It was obvious she didn't believe me or wanted to do anything about it. She said "what do you want me to do about it" and "this isn't the perfect ICU job you had in mind when you first started now isn't it" ... Yes she did say that. Crazy I know. So, I decided that I unfortunately need to look for another job. I do not want to get involved with the union, it is just easier to go somewhere else. I have learned my lesson. I will never again go to a manager with any employee issue at all. This experience has made me get thicker skin and will help me in the future. If I have an issue with an employee I will be direct with them and not be afraid to tell them they can't treat me like that. I will try my best to not let things like this get to me and just focus on why I am here. I'm here for the patient. The reason I am looking for another position is not the employee's who have been mean to me but the way the situation was handled. I hope this helps anyone out there is the same position. ❤️❤️

[springchick1, ADN, RN]

In all of this (and please use paragraphs) you never once mentioned going to the people who you had a problem with. Did you talk them about it? Did you stop to think maybe they were having a bad day?

You said yourself that you are sensitive and want everyone to like you. Maybe you took it more personally than you should have. Nurses have bad days too. We aren't superhuman.

ALWAYS talk to the person you have a problem with first. There is no reason not to do that.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

If you are that sensitive you need to learn to develop a thicker skin. Because the nurses are the least of your worries.

[TaylorBean]

I agree which is why I said in the end of this I have learned my lesson to one develop thicker skin and two confront. It's harder said than done for some of us who are used to running from confrontation especially when your the new person and are working with very experienced nurses. Thanks!

[OCNRN63, RN]

What struck me was that you kept a tally of how many times this nurse snapped at you, or that nurse rolled her eyes at you, etc. ICU, as I'm sure you're aware, is one of those pressure cooker areas. It can be difficult for a new grad, who is idealistic and sensitive, to try to start a career there.

I agree with others: when you have a problem with someone, you need to address the matter with that person, not "run to Mommy/Daddy", so to speak; sometimes that winds up blowing up in your face, as you found out. Tell the individual that if s/he has a problem with you, you would appreciate if s/he would talk to you privately, rather than be abrupt with you in front of co-workers/patients.

I'm sorry you feel that your job wasn't sustainable. I hope your next job is somewhere where you feel you're supported and can flourish.

[Emergent, RN]

I think you should go elsewhere. ICUs usually have a disproportionate amount of crusty, aggressive, insensitive personalities. Your temperament doesn't sound compatible. You didn't do anything wrong per se, it's just not a good fit. Leave the witches to their coven, their magic and secret spells are closely guarded by these practitioners. You must have a skin like a dragon to mingle with these ones.

[TaylorBean]

Thank you so much í ½í¸€ It was a career change I'm a new grad but am older.

[TaylorBean]

Thanks! I am just writing my story so if other newer RN's are in the same position they have something to read/ relate to from a new nurses perspective.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

You are a newer nurse, but you are older. So I would assume that this is not your first job. People with attitude adjustment issues, passive aggressive bru-ha-ha and/or unprofessional behavior issues are everywhere, not just nursing.

You don't develop thick skin overnight. And I wouldn't describe it as needing thick skin. I would say that you go in, do what you need to do, and go home. Snapping and comments are subjective. BUT if there's nurses who are ignoring your requests, decline to assist you and PATIENT SAFETY is at risk, THEN it is something that needs to be brought forward. Otherwise that Nurse Hair-across-butt is in a mood or can't control tantruming is on that nurse, not you.

I am continually shocked and amazed at adults who relish junior high. Especially in a professional setting. We all have bad days, we all get grumpy, we all can react poorly....But those who make it a team sport are frustrating, trying....and everywhere nurse or not.

In your exit interview, be sure to discuss the culture of the unit, what you were advised to do (middle manager asks you take it up the chain of command, then throws you under the bus) and that this is why you are leaving. Not that it will do anything other than to again bring to light the fact that you, as a new nurse, were not counseled appropriately in how to deal with conflict at work.

[luv2]

Do not mention the culture of the unit on your exist interview. Trust me read my old blogs I was bullied before I left. They know they have issues on the unit keep that comment to yourself. Come up with a B.S statement. Nursing is a small community to secure a new job you are going to need at least 5 references. Never mention this to any of your coworkers or on your exit interview.

[TaylorBean]

So, I interviewed for a position and i am in the references stage. It so sad because I went to that assistant manager for a reference and he knew why I wanted to leave. He told me that lateral violence in a work place is the number one reason nurses switch jobs. He said he would give me a great reference. I told him the lateral violence is not why I'm leaving, it was how it was handled. He was there that day in the office but he couldn't stick up for me to really push this issue on the unit. He knew. I asked him how I should leave my notice because I can not fathom the idea of the director making me feel bad about leaving and who I am as a person. Other nurses who have recently left notice there are 3 of them said it was their worst nightmare. I just can't wait to get out of this toxic environment. I believe that people are afraid to say anything negative to the director including managers because it's her way or highway attitude. The unit is her "baby" and God forbid someone tries to make it seem less than perfect is "out".����

[TaylorBean]

FYI I truly appreciate all of the comments good or bad because people handle situations differently and moving forward in my career I can use your wisdom to make more thought out decisions. So thank you, thank you, thank you.