Newer RN being treated poorly by Coworker(s)

oldpsychnurse · Mar 20, 2016

If you're union, and you're the 4th nurse to leave that unit for the same reason, I think I'd be asking the union for some payback for those dues you're paying. At least get their advice. Then you can decide your best move from there.

neuron · Mar 22, 2016

The title isn't anything new to ones eyes and I am posting to let other newer RN's know they are not alone and to also share my story so maybe it can help with decisions you are about to make
I have been working in the ICU for a bit over a year now as a new grad in a community hospital. Orientation was great, I had 2 amazing preceptors and thought I was on the road to success. Yes, I noticed some nurses who had strong personalities, some who were more than likely grumpy every shift, some who treated the aides poorly, but never thought that I would be treated poorly. My issue on my unit has been RN's who snap/yell at you in front of others.
I am a very kind person, I do not like confrontation, I want to be liked, and it's hard for me not to take things personally. I am a sensitive person, and I truly love nursing and enjoy passing my calm and caring nature on to my patients. I want to do the best I can for my patients.
So the story is- in front of others I have been snapped/yelled at twice by one employee, once by another and the occasional eye roll, passive aggressive comment etc. Recently I was just getting so upset about it and decided to go to my assistant manager where I began to cry and say I just don't understand why I am being treated like this? I help others, I am a team player and I try my best to be the best nurse I can. He said it's not you, so please don't think that. He told me to go to our director. - probably the biggest mistake I could of done. And here's why... the minute I mentioned I was being treated with disrespect, my director had become defensive, stated that she was unaware of these behaviors on the unit- which unfortunately is a lie, because other employees have also mentioned this issue and one aide had to switch shifts due to this issue. She actually called in the assistant manager, and he was asked if there were any negative behaviors he has seen on the unit. He said "no". He lied, because there have been multiple behavior issues on the unit. At that point in the meeting I felt like I was thrown under the bus by my assistant manager and stated that this was a mistake coming to meet with you. It was obvious she didn't believe me or wanted to do anything about it. She said "what do you want me to do about it" and "this isn't the perfect ICU job you had in mind when you first started now isn't it" ... Yes she did say that. Crazy I know. So, I decided that I unfortunately need to look for another job. I do not want to get involved with the union, it is just easier to go somewhere else. I have learned my lesson. I will never again go to a manager with any employee issue at all. This experience has made me get thicker skin and will help me in the future. If I have an issue with an employee I will be direct with them and not be afraid to tell them they can't treat me like that. I will try my best to not let things like this get to me and just focus on why I am here. I'm here for the patient. The reason I am looking for another position is not the employee's who have been mean to me but the way the situation was handled. I hope this helps anyone out there is the same position. â¤ï¸â¤ï¸

The way I see it is 'you mess with their little happy world' and possibly mess with their money when you go to a manager about those issues. If it is not a happy little world for them they will turn around and blame you because they don't want the responsibility that you have (in the same way).

I've learned to go to the person directly or immediately say something. They won't have your back. To be honest, I had a girl almost confront me and start fighting me over an issue like this, but I know if she would have struck me she would have been reported to the state.

llg, PhD, RN · Mar 23, 2016

He said he would give me a great reference. I told him the lateral violence is not why I'm leaving, it was how it was handled. ".ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½

So he said you would give you a "great reference" and you turn around and give him a hard time? That's crazy.

TaylorBean · Mar 23, 2016

No, how it was handled by director when I went to her*

llg, PhD, RN · Mar 24, 2016

No, how it was handled by director when I went to her*

But he's the one who didn't back you up. In your earlier post, you said he lied about it. Certainly, he must be aware that you have reason to be angry at him, too. If you want that reference to stay "great," be careful there.

Emergent, RN · Mar 24, 2016

When you've decided to move on, it's important to 'let go'. Thank everyone for the opportunity they gave and all you learned.

Remember, you're leaving because of an entrenched culture. You telling them that they lost you because of it isn't going to help you or them one bit. In their eyes, you're just another young nurse who couldn't hack it. Next! You'll be a shadow of a memory in a week.

TaylorBean · Mar 24, 2016

You are right, he definitely threw me under the bus, he did not stick up for his employee in a time of need, however I needed a managers reference so I refrained from negative comments towards him because ultimately the director was the one who was treating me unprofessionally, and I did need his reference to move along. Looking at things now, it seems that he did not stick up for me because of the backlash he would of gotten from director in not solving the problem himself. You see, where I work is very complicated. As I have said in previous posts, the director runs the unit in a way that does not have an open door policy. Any issues you bring to her attention get shut down and turned around to make it seem like you are the issue. As you must know, nurses speak to one another and many have faced similar issues with the way their situation was handled. The assistant nurse managers as they appear very nice and concerned about issues will not dare bring them to her attention in the fear of their own treatment/ retaliation and this is something I have learned in this process.It is very sad. During my exit interview she called me unappreciative, even referred to my maternity leave, asked me why she wasn't called for a reference, wanted to know who gave me references and again said how ungrateful I was. At the end.. She asked if I would stay per diem? I then found out through text message from other staff that the director was asking everyone who gave me a reference??? The other 3 nurses who have just left the unit are leaving from similar issues, and were treated unprofessionally as well when they gave their notice. Emergent- I agree I need to let go and I am trying my best- but to officially let go is hard especially when you are still a current employee and feel you are going to sabotaged. Until that day, I am keeping my mouth shut and continuing on.

Emergent, RN · Mar 24, 2016

Just kiss up and be as positive as possible. Smile and act grateful. Heap coals of friendliness and graciousness on the heads of those who despitefully used you. Pretend like these people are difficult patients, with difficult family members, but you just have to say the most soothing, deescalating things to make it through your remaining time with them.

BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN · Mar 24, 2016

Oy, paragraphs!! They are not the enemy! It really makes for difficult reading, OP.

That said, have you tried to "fight your own battles", as it may be. Have you tried talking to those you perceive to be picking on you? Running to your manager in tears is not the best way to handle people treating you badly.

The title isn't anything new to ones eyes and I am posting to let other newer RN's know they are not alone and to also share my story so maybe it can help with decisions you are about to make
I have been working in the ICU for a bit over a year now as a new grad in a community hospital. Orientation was great, I had 2 amazing preceptors and thought I was on the road to success. Yes, I noticed some nurses who had strong personalities, some who were more than likely grumpy every shift, some who treated the aides poorly, but never thought that I would be treated poorly. My issue on my unit has been RN's who snap/yell at you in front of others.
I am a very kind person, I do not like confrontation, I want to be liked, and it's hard for me not to take things personally. I am a sensitive person, and I truly love nursing and enjoy passing my calm and caring nature on to my patients. I want to do the best I can for my patients.
So the story is- in front of others I have been snapped/yelled at twice by one employee, once by another and the occasional eye roll, passive aggressive comment etc. Recently I was just getting so upset about it and decided to go to my assistant manager where I began to cry and say I just don't understand why I am being treated like this? I help others, I am a team player and I try my best to be the best nurse I can. He said it's not you, so please don't think that. He told me to go to our director. - probably the biggest mistake I could of done. And here's why... the minute I mentioned I was being treated with disrespect, my director had become defensive, stated that she was unaware of these behaviors on the unit- which unfortunately is a lie, because other employees have also mentioned this issue and one aide had to switch shifts due to this issue. She actually called in the assistant manager, and he was asked if there were any negative behaviors he has seen on the unit. He said "no". He lied, because there have been multiple behavior issues on the unit. At that point in the meeting I felt like I was thrown under the bus by my assistant manager and stated that this was a mistake coming to meet with you. It was obvious she didn't believe me or wanted to do anything about it. She said "what do you want me to do about it" and "this isn't the perfect ICU job you had in mind when you first started now isn't it" ... Yes she did say that. Crazy I know. So, I decided that I unfortunately need to look for another job. I do not want to get involved with the union, it is just easier to go somewhere else. I have learned my lesson. I will never again go to a manager with any employee issue at all. This experience has made me get thicker skin and will help me in the future. If I have an issue with an employee I will be direct with them and not be afraid to tell them they can't treat me like that. I will try my best to not let things like this get to me and just focus on why I am here. I'm here for the patient. The reason I am looking for another position is not the employee's who have been mean to me but the way the situation was handled. I hope this helps anyone out there is the same position. â¤ï¸â¤ï¸

BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN · Mar 24, 2016

I probably would have stopped at getting the great reference! To then tell him the reason you're leaving is because of the way he handled it sounds like shooting yourself in the foot :dead:

So, I interviewed for a position and i am in the references stage. It so sad because I went to that assistant manager for a reference and he knew why I wanted to leave. He told me that lateral violence in a work place is the number one reason nurses switch jobs. He said he would give me a great reference. I told him the lateral violence is not why I'm leaving, it was how it was handled. He was there that day in the office but he couldn't stick up for me to really push this issue on the unit. He knew. I asked him how I should leave my notice because I can not fathom the idea of the director making me feel bad about leaving and who I am as a person. Other nurses who have recently left notice there are 3 of them said it was their worst nightmare. I just can't wait to get out of this toxic environment. I believe that people are afraid to say anything negative to the director including managers because it's her way or highway attitude. The unit is her "baby" and God forbid someone tries to make it seem less than perfect is "out".ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½

TaylorBean · Mar 24, 2016

Just to clarify, again. The part after I said "the reason I was leaving was how it was handled" was not spoken words- if you read it correctly, it is narrative. And when speaking with him when I told him why I was leaving was due to how it was handled, I was speaking in reference to the meeting with our director. Anyways I am going to step away from the boards for a while to clear my head from this. I hope others who come a cross the post can take something from it. Thanks all.

Emergent, RN · Mar 24, 2016

Don't blame him. He, too, has to survive. Remember not to expect people to stick out their necks for you in life, when up against insurmountable odds. He's an ordinary guy, trying to make a living, and navigate the murky waters of an unpredictable workplace. It's easier to feed the crocodiles than to be fed to them.

He probably has true sympathy and is frustrated with the culture. He wants to help you, and it sounds like him just giving a reference was risky business. Privately send him a note of thanks, he's trying to help you escape.