New grad wants to quit hospital job after 2months

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Hi everyone,

Hang on, this is going to be a long one. I need advice I graduated amid covid peak in May I had my capstone at a LTC for disabled kids for 1 week before they were shut down and that week was horrible. My preceptor was mean, impatient and unapproachable and ignored me. I was having panic attacks and shaking with the thought of going in I wasn't eating and to top it off I had a full on panic attack in front of my instructor when she came to see me at the end of the week. And she told me something that I thought I had started building after yrs of being a CNA, which is tough skin. That happened and the next day clinicals were shut down d/t covid.

3 months later I got hired in the facility I worked in as a CNA on a crazy busy floor and got off orientation recently but ended up doing fmla b/c my anxiety got so bad I was having panic attacks everyday even on my days off and couldn't eat felt constant anxiety, it was awful.I wished I could just disappear and be forgotten. 

I had some issues with my preceptor at first she worked fast and rushed me and put me down I understood where my preceptor was coming from because our shift is very fast paced.  I would come in early to look up my pts, I wrote down med pass time and tried to organize my day. Still I felt incompetent, felt like I was being rushed and didn't know my patients which only increased the anxiety. I felt like I was in a never ending cycle of anxiety after 7 wks I finally went to my pcp for help and was put on lexapro and Ativan PRN for panic attacks this happened a week prior to my full on meltdown where I thought I was going crazy and couldn't stop feeling anxious and crying. I can't really pinpoint what is the cause of my anxiety, its pretty much everything a new grad is anxious about, time running out, and everything in between. I had my meltdown and I went to a psychiatrist that same day and got my med changed to prozac.  fmla is almost done and I have no idea what I'm going to do I'm scared of going back and have that anxiety and panic attacks start again but I feel like a failure if I quit this job when so many new grads are struggling to find one. 

With my prior past I just feel like maybe nursing is too stressful for me and I wasted so much time and money to get this degree. I went into nursing to help people and feel like I'm making a difference in the world little by little, I enjoyed learning about the science of our bodies. I'm introverted and have a bit of social anxiety but I hate that I have to take meds for anxiety b/c of this job, granted I've been an anxious person but never to this extent. I've read and been told that it gets better and that there's light at the end of the tunnel but it feels so impossible and far. Has anyone had this much anxiety? Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated  

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Specializes in NICU, Level IV.

Hello,

I recently just graduated in May as well and I moved across the country to start a new job in which I thought was my dream unit. I started working in the NICU as a new grad and let me tell you, I still have anxiety before my shift. I sometimes cry before my shift because I’m so anxious and believe me I had bad experiences beforehand that affect my confidence. It’s not easy and I highly doubt it’ll be any easier especially with the continuous changes in nursing, constant politics, and of course the pandemic. I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and I feel like sometimes I chose the wrong profession too, but I wanted to normalize pre-shift anxiety because I think it’s actually common especially with such a high stress field.

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Specializes in CRNA, Finally retired.

If you had a GAD before becoming a nurse, you will certainly have a miserable first year.  But two months isn't enough time to give you any certainty about your abilities.  The first year is miserable for almost every.single.new.nurse.  For the OP:  you should be in counseling and getting some CBT to help you learn non-pharmacologic ways to cope in addition to medications.  You won't need it forever and it will be the most important education you can get.  

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Specializes in NICU, Level IV.
7 hours ago, subee said:

If you had a GAD before becoming a nurse, you will certainly have a miserable first year.  But two months isn't enough time to give you any certainty about your abilities.  The first year is miserable for almost every.single.new.nurse.  For the OP:  you should be in counseling and getting some CBT to help you learn non-pharmacologic ways to cope in addition to medications.  You won't need it forever and it will be the most important education you can get.  

Hello,

I have GAD and depression but I’m afraid it affects my work and how I feel about it too. Nothing seems to be helping either. I haven’t tried CBD yet though.

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I think subee meant CBT, cognitive behavior therapy, not CBD, that derivative of cannabis.

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Specializes in CRNA, Finally retired.
11 hours ago, caliotter3 said:

I think subee meant CBT, cognitive behavior therapy, not CBD, that derivative of cannabis.

?  My so-called brain in action.  Thanks for picking up on that.  Just show how successful the CBD advertising has been in creeping into my neurons.

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Specializes in ECC.

Do not quit. 

I am in the same boat as you although I don't suffer from panic attacks etc. It is highly stressful as I'm on an emergency ward. One thing that I am making sure of is that I am telling people that I need more time before being let loose alone. My preceptor has too much confidence in me. Those who do not know me have too much confidence in me and expect me to know things I do not yet know. 

 

I have identified a number of people who are happy to help me and I try to catch up with them when I get a chance. I bombard them with questions and they show me things. Things are messy with covid and my learning is impeded by that as there are essential courses I must do that I haven't had a chance to do yet. 

In any case, 2 months is too premature a time to be quitting. Give it 3 months and things haven't improved, start looking for a new job before you quit. 

Put in the effort to rectify the situation. It's good that you have medical assistance. But you also need to talk to your superiors at work and let them know what's troubling you. They may be able to help and give you more time to settle in. 

If you turned up at a ward acting like you knew everything as a newly qualified, you would be a dangerous person. It is normal to experience the wobble you have had. But give yourself time and put the gears in motion to make things right. 

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Hi  thanks for replying its my first week back I'm still having panic attacks before going to work I really hope this starts to lessen b/c its exhausting and scary and my body feels like its been run over by a truck and then I have to go to work. 

I have spoken to my superiors before I was okayed to be on my own and they said everything will come with time and continue to ask for help form other nurses. Which I do, my anxiety I'm starting to realize stems from not having control and time everything seems to happen at once and I try to prioritize I triple check everything I do and I feel myself starting to to panic but I am able to calm myself down at work but then I come home and I begin to doubt myself did I forget something, did I do this right, did I get the order correctly (I read back to MD but still I have these thoughts). This unit is so fast paced that I feel like I'm being rushed and afraid that I will make a mistake.

I will keep going I'm telling myself if I can't control my anxiety after a month of working then I will quit this helps me feel less trapped because at this point I'm afraid my overall health is suffering just because of this job. I will be speaking with my psychiatrist to refer me for CBT. I'm definitely going to secure a job before quitting though. 

Again thank you everyone for replying, it really did help?

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Specializes in Pediatrics, NICU.

Hi! I just wanted to comment that a similar thing happened to me when I had my first job. I worked at one of the best hospitals in the country (large academic medical center!) and quit after 2 months. In hindsight I realized that my preceptor was a bully and the hospital had horrible staffing. There was such a high turnover bc they were so prestigious. They thought "well we can replace you with an eager newcomer" so that's what they continuously did. So many people were there just to have the name on the resume and move on after a year or two...

I moved to a different hospital with much better staffing and positive preceptors. Don't underestimate the power of a preceptor bc I'm pretty sure my first one's bullying led me to quit. I now have been working at my second place of employment for about 9 months. It is still not my favorite but that has nothing to do with my facility. I learned I just don't like acute care. What I'm trying to say is that it may not be you, it may be the place...but if you move to a better place and still hate it I would change specialties. 

You are def not alone in what you're going through. When I worked at the first place I was so depressed and suicidal. I wouldn't eat anything real at all (a bunch of candy) and couldn't get out of bed on my days off. It got better. Please message me if you want! I wish you the best!

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First of all, know that you aren't alone in your feelings, nurses have issues with anxiety/depression too. Don't be upset that you need medication to help you, at the end of the day, it is what it is, so many people take medication to help them go about their day, its nothing to be ashamed about.

Second, instead of quitting nursing, which we all know you work extremely hard for, can you explore other opportunities? Can you look around for long term facilities and do some time on a slow geriatric floor somewhere? even better, a dementia/Alzheimer's floor? yes, behaviors, but in my experience those floors can be a lot slower and easier to manage. It sounds like where you were working as you stated was a super busy floor and probably wasn't the best place for you to start. and thats OK. 

I worked some time as a nursing supervisor at a rebab facility/LTC. Some new nurses would come in and want to jump right into the super busy rehab floor and end up getting super overwhelmed, then they would move to the long term or dementia side and do so much better. please, explore your options, doesn't hurt to go somewhere slow paced, even for a few months until you find your groove. 

don't quit, it gets better, trust me!

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On 11/11/2020 at 11:43 AM, pinkdoves said:

Hi! I just wanted to comment that a similar thing happened to me when I had my first job. I worked at one of the best hospitals in the country (large academic medical center!) and quit after 2 months. In hindsight I realized that my preceptor was a bully and the hospital had horrible staffing. There was such a high turnover bc they were so prestigious. They thought "well we can replace you with an eager newcomer" so that's what they continuously did. So many people were there just to have the name on the resume and move on after a year or two...

I moved to a different hospital with much better staffing and positive preceptors. Don't underestimate the power of a preceptor bc I'm pretty sure my first one's bullying led me to quit. I now have been working at my second place of employment for about 9 months. It is still not my favorite but that has nothing to do with my facility. I learned I just don't like acute care. What I'm trying to say is that it may not be you, it may be the place...but if you move to a better place and still hate it I would change specialties. 

You are def not alone in what you're going through. When I worked at the first place I was so depressed and suicidal. I wouldn't eat anything real at all (a bunch of candy) and couldn't get out of bed on my days off. It got better. Please message me if you want! I wish you the best!

Thank you so much! That's how I felt before I took FMLA I felt suicidal I'm a little better now and your right I think its the floor I'm working on they have a high turnover rate and no-one likes to work on pm shift which  I'm on and it feels like I get everything dumped on me like yesterday I had 2 complex d/c that AM knew about and didn't do anything about it, I'm barely getting on my shift and I don't even know the pts or get  chance to look them up plus after my d/cs I had to pick up a pt and an admission plus my other pts. I felt overwhelmed and my charge nurse when I asked for help brushed me off and basically told me to figure it out. We are extremely short staffed with cnas and RNs.

To top it all of my floor is now a covid unit as well and I don't know how long I can hang on to this job I have good days and bad but all I do is sleep eat(at least the meds increased my appetite) and work and try to not freak out or have a panic attack. I'm physically and mentally exhausted and will ask my psychiatrist to write a note to fmla company or HR to cut my hrs to part time while I try to look for another job. Again thank you so much it really does help to know you found a better place and gives me hope!

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On 11/16/2020 at 10:55 AM, NurseNugget3 said:

First of all, know that you aren't alone in your feelings, nurses have issues with anxiety/depression too. Don't be upset that you need medication to help you, at the end of the day, it is what it is, so many people take medication to help them go about their day, its nothing to be ashamed about.

Second, instead of quitting nursing, which we all know you work extremely hard for, can you explore other opportunities? Can you look around for long term facilities and do some time on a slow geriatric floor somewhere? even better, a dementia/Alzheimer's floor? yes, behaviors, but in my experience those floors can be a lot slower and easier to manage. It sounds like where you were working as you stated was a super busy floor and probably wasn't the best place for you to start. and thats OK. 

I worked some time as a nursing supervisor at a rebab facility/LTC. Some new nurses would come in and want to jump right into the super busy rehab floor and end up getting super overwhelmed, then they would move to the long term or dementia side and do so much better. please, explore your options, doesn't hurt to go somewhere slow paced, even for a few months until you find your groove. 

don't quit, it gets better, trust me!

Thank you for replying! I think you're right a slower pace unit would be a better fit for me, the pressure that is put on me on this unit has taken a lot of my confidence away and I have worked so hard to get here. I really do appreciate your words I'm still struggling with the fact that I have to take meds but I've noticed that it has helped me, I'm eating agin and my panic attacks aren't as severe. again thank you for your advise and I will be looking for a new job with your suggestions in mind

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