Hang on, this is going to be a long one. I need advice I graduated amid covid peak in May I had my capstone at a LTC for disabled kids for 1 week before they were shut down and that week was horrible. My preceptor was mean, impatient and unapproachable and ignored me. I was having panic attacks and shaking with the thought of going in I wasn't eating and to top it off I had a full on panic attack in front of my instructor when she came to see me at the end of the week. And she told me something that I thought I had started building after yrs of being a CNA, which is tough skin. That happened and the next day clinicals were shut down d/t covid.
3 months later I got hired in the facility I worked in as a CNA on a crazy busy floor and got off orientation recently but ended up doing fmla b/c my anxiety got so bad I was having panic attacks everyday even on my days off and couldn't eat felt constant anxiety, it was awful.I wished I could just disappear and be forgotten.
I had some issues with my preceptor at first she worked fast and rushed me and put me down I understood where my preceptor was coming from because our shift is very fast paced. I would come in early to look up my pts, I wrote down med pass time and tried to organize my day. Still I felt incompetent, felt like I was being rushed and didn't know my patients which only increased the anxiety. I felt like I was in a never ending cycle of anxiety after 7 wks I finally went to my pcp for help and was put on lexapro and Ativan PRN for panic attacks this happened a week prior to my full on meltdown where I thought I was going crazy and couldn't stop feeling anxious and crying. I can't really pinpoint what is the cause of my anxiety, its pretty much everything a new grad is anxious about, time running out, and everything in between. I had my meltdown and I went to a psychiatrist that same day and got my med changed to prozac. fmla is almost done and I have no idea what I'm going to do I'm scared of going back and have that anxiety and panic attacks start again but I feel like a failure if I quit this job when so many new grads are struggling to find one.
With my prior past I just feel like maybe nursing is too stressful for me and I wasted so much time and money to get this degree. I went into nursing to help people and feel like I'm making a difference in the world little by little, I enjoyed learning about the science of our bodies. I'm introverted and have a bit of social anxiety but I hate that I have to take meds for anxiety b/c of this job, granted I've been an anxious person but never to this extent. I've read and been told that it gets better and that there's light at the end of the tunnel but it feels so impossible and far. Has anyone had this much anxiety? Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated