New grad frustrated, but trapped...in a "profession" i HATE.

shocker29 · Jun 5, 2009

You sound like you are really having a hard time. Take a step back and breathe! You must have stuck through nursing school for some reason! The first year is really tough, especially in critical care... you are learning how to be a nurse and how to be think in critical care all at the same time.

Don't feel bad about venting that is why this place is here! Do you feel like you could talk to your director about how you are feeling? (I don't know that I would go in there and say exactly what you said here, but if she knows that you are having a hard time, she might be able to come up with some resources to help you... a good director will try and save the investment in the person and the unit. Maybe she can switch preceptors for you and give you someone who can serve as more of a mentor I bet it will feel good just to get these feelings off of your chest. Keeping it all in can make you so lonely and just feel so much worse.

Hang in there, you haven't even been at it a full three months. This will most likely pass. Every nurse I know has felt how you are feeling at some point or another. That is a ton of money to play around with, not to mention the investment of putting yourself through school. I don't know you, but on a hunch, I really think you'll regret it in the long run. After a year you are free to do what ever kind of nursing you want... try a doctor's office or something! Nursing is so broad, no one has to be stuck in hospital if that isn't there gig!

Teebtong · Jun 5, 2009

If being a nurse is ruining your life then don't be a nurse. However, it sounds to me like the reasons you gave were more telling of why YOU don't like nursing, not why nursing as a profession is flawed.

First off, a lot of the things you're mentioning would be true of any profession. It's not like nurses are the only people who need to remember a lot of stuff and have coworkers that talk to them in a condescending manner; I worked at a software company and felt the same way. First off, if a physician speaks to you in a manner that you don't appreciate, lodge a complaint. "Physician" and "Nurse Manager" are not the same position and you know that. Don't put up with it and it won't continue to happen. Just settle it in a manner appropriate for the situation, i.e. don't start chewing him/her out in a hallway. Go through HR if it gets bad enough. If that seems like too much, then you can always use the same tactic the rest of the working world does: ignore them.

Second, about not catching everything: How many people can learn a foreign language fluently w/o ever practicing speaking. The answer is none. You'll make some mistakes, someone will correct you and you'll learn from them. It's as simple as that. Don't preoccupy yourself with being perfect without ever having put in the work to become perfect; being good at your job is something you learn how to do, not something that just happens. Furthermore, how many jobs can you just walk into without any experience and never make a mistake? Again, the answer is none.

My point is that your complaints about your job are complaints everyone makes about their jobs when they first start regardless of what profession it is. But if you honestly think that you could be an accountant or something and never have a coworker/manager that talks to you in a way that annoys you or that you're never going to forget to write something down or include it, then by all means, do it. But I have a feeling that until you get your emotion issues taken care of that your unhappiness is going to follow you, nurse or otherwise. As other posters have mentioned, I think that you should consult a mental health provider about your ADHD. I dealt with depression and I know that emotional issues will follow you without treating them.

Oh, and guess what, for every physician that's an as* to nurses there is another that's just as big of an as* to other physicians. Everyone has someone that thinks they're better than they are.

RNandRRT · Jun 5, 2009

the place you work at sounds like it's more of the problem than the "profession".

The advice given here has been great. Healthcare is a stressful enough career without all the politics, personalities, and inflated egos added on top.

I have to agree that you need to have your ADD at least evaluated by someone so that your actions and perceptions are of a more even mental tilt.

You're not going to learn all about nursing in less than a year. So if this job is really that bad, finish the year, and at the very least have that year's experience on your resume. But learn as much as you can in that year, so that you can take that with you to the new job and not start all over.

Good luck.

cherrybreeze, ADN, RN · Jun 6, 2009

if you are posting just to say then why don't just simply talk to a personal confidant to vent and give room for people who really need advice like this user:

i'll give you the benefit of the doubt here, since i see you have only 2 posts....that's what this forum is for; questions and simply venting. that's ok, and there is nothing wrong with the op coming here and getting these feelings out. many of us don't have *confidantes* that can truly understand our world, so that's what we find here....people to confide in and vent to!

to the op: the frustrations that you are dealing with don't sound all that unique to brand new nurses....i remember feeling many of the same things, the only thing that helps with a lot of it is time. you're saying you don't want to be patient and take the time to get there, but at the risk of being too blunt....that sounds like you want instant gratification, and that's a bit childish. so many things in life require diligence to obtain, this is one of them. heck, i want to go back to further my degree, but i can't do that until i get my finances squared away. once i do that, i have to go through the years i know it will take me to finish. as much as i want it right now, life doesn't work that way.

you mention the adhd is untreated...that could be a big part of the problem as well. i would suggest looking in to getting help to find ways to manage that, and your stress level. sometimes the answer can be medication (as much as a lot of people don't like that answer, it does sometimes help). even just talking to someone who can help you deal and teach you new methods to focus could make a world of difference. find out if your facility has an eap (employee assistance program); they are free, and confidential (your employer doesn't know that you utilize it, or why). they can help with a wide variety of issues, i've gone to counselors via our eap to help with anxiety and depression, at no cost to me (any other way wouldn't have been feasible money-wise). just something to think about.

best of luck, and please, don't throw in the towel just yet. it is a culture shock to new grads, finding out the difference between nursing school and "real nursing" once you get a job. everyone you work with was a new grad at one time, remember that!

All4Seasons · Jun 6, 2009

This is such a shame.All of that education (and $$$). Obviously,this has been a very unhappy time for you. All may not be lost however. A few questions for you...

I should preface this by saying that at the age of 50,last year I literally stumbled upon the fact that I have (Inattentive) ADD - it has since been confirmed by two specialists in the field, and by a battery of neuropsychological testing. Despite having ADD and never,in all of these years,thinking for a second that this is what was wrong,I completed nursing school and have been successfully practicing nursing since 1980,and all but the first 5 years have been in various ICUs - so,it can be done.And there are likely thousands of nurses out there with undiagnosed ADHD too. I guess I've unconsciously put into place techniques to help me cope with what I now know is a problem with my frontal cortex,the executive centre of the brain.Memory,focus,and concentration are all huge problems for me.

- have you been been diagnosed with ADD by a qualified doctor? Meaning,is there any doubt as to what is wrong?

- have you educated yourself thoroughly about ADD and the treatment options (both pharmacological and non-pharmacological)? Dr Ned Hallowell's Driven to Distraction and Delivered From Distraction are considered cornerstone in the field and personal favourites of mine - Dr Hallowell,an American psychiatrist who also has ADHD, is regularly invited to speak the world over.

- is it really in your best interests to not treat your ADD? (remember, medication is but one way). Perhaps you'd improve the overall quality of your life to get help for the ADHD - it surely must be a struggle for you,as some days are for me

Unfortunately,ADD affects all facets of one's life, and will likely affect any career that you choose. There must have been something concrete which drew you to nursing - I urge you to seek help,changing careers may not be necessary!

Please consider treating your ADD before you throw away your nursing career. It looks as though I am part of the 20% who show no response to medication,but my daughter,who was also diagnosed last year,has been thrilled with her positive response to medication - she can now think clearly,focus and concentrate. Btw,you will be able to tell on the same day you start the medication which is the right one for you - it won't be a long drawn out process,they are very fast acting. Also,it's very important that you surround yourself with people who are supportive of you and your struggles.

Please give treating your ADHD some thought (I think there's a very good chance it's related to the difficulties you are facing in nursing). I wish you the very best!

And please feel free to get in touch if I can be of any help.:)

jen

pagandeva2000, LPN · Jun 6, 2009

I can relate to the feeling... and if you're in a place where you feel like you're nearly drowning everyday, to just "suck it up" or "stick it out" can feel like one is being advised to stay in an abusive relationship "for the kids" or "until you can support yourself financially"... and hoping that the straw that breaks the camel's back doesn't drop til then...
OP, remember that when folks give you advice, they are telling you what they THINK they'd do based on what they IMAGINE you're going through. You're the only one experiencing the situation. You're the only one here who has to get up and go to work each day. You're the only one here who would have to pay a large sum of money if the hospital enforced that contract.
What's best for you depends on YOU... and, in my opinion, in such situations, there is no perfect approach that can be applied across the board to anyone in a similar situation because that type of situation has so many variables and involves personal emotion and interpersonal relations.
In your situation, I'd need to do a lot of self-affirmation to not allow every perceived or real criticism or potential or real mistake to translate to "I'm a terrible person/horrible nurse for not getting that right!" and "If I did (or didn't do) that, it must mean I'll NEVER get this!" I would need to find or build a group of people to go to regularly for support... people who I could even call anytime (eg in the middle of the day from the bathroom on my cell) when I feel that I need the reassurance of talking to someone uninvolved and unconditionally supportive. If I can keep reminding myself that I AM worthy of respect NO MATTER WHAT, then I cope much better. So I can approach a supervisor more from a position of "this is what is and isn't working for me" instead of coming from a position of "I'm sorry I'm so slow and pathetic, I beg that you'll put up with my subpar performance so that I can hopefully do better in the future..."
For me, finding a place of self-acceptance in the face of such struggles really helps set the stage for working on solutions that I can truly live with. Best wishes to you!

Truer words were never spoken...phenomenal! Simply phenomenal! :yeah:

cursedandblessed · Jun 6, 2009

raising hand here!! 43 diagnosed with add inattentive type one year ago. since then i've learned to write it down, better to take those 15 sec than to forget it later. use a checklist for your day/night.

get thyself to a shrink straightaway. my add medication works wonders on my attention deficit, and i can still take weekend holidays from it if i choose to. i'm so glad i was tested and they've figured out what's going on.

suck it up a year isn't really that long rather than pay the same amount as a new small car with nothing to show for it.

AOx1 · Jun 7, 2009

The OP does need assistance, and is apparently asking for it! I've seen this over and over with new grads who are overwhelmed, think they "hate" nursing...only to switch areas to find they were just in a unit or type of nursing that was not a good fit for them.

OP, I would consider doing that. Is it possible for you to reduce your hours during this internship? If so, you could pick up a side job elsewhere to see if it is just this type of nursing you hate, or if it's all nursing. If so, better to find out now and be able to find a career you love. It isn't for everyone.

jjjoy, LPN · Jun 8, 2009

you're saying you don't want to be patient and take the time to get there, but at the risk of being too blunt....that sounds like you want instant gratification, and that's a bit childish.

i think you gave some great input! i did want to address this point. when a new nurse wants to get to a place further ahead right now, it might not necessarily about childish impatience. it can be more of question of if where they are *right now* is good enough. since it will take time to get to a place of more confidence and competence, the new grad may be worried that their performance now isn't good enough. after all, the new rn technically has the exact responsibilities as experienced rns and is likely constantly hearing all of the ways that they aren't measuring up... that they aren't managing their time well, aren't thinking critically enough, don't show enough good clinical judgement, aren't prioritizing appropriately, etc. they may fear that they are putting their patients' lives at risk each and every hour that they continue to fill the role of rn. that in order to get that year or so of experience under their belt means delivering substandard care for that year or so. and so the temptation to quit may not be about lacking persistance or being impatient, but wondering if perhaps it isn't more wrong to continue to accept full rn responsibilities each day when all evidence seems to be telling them their performance isn't good enough.

ToxicShock · Jun 8, 2009

Quit. If you hate it, everyone else is going to hate you and you'll be even more miserable. This profession isn't for people who can't stick with it. Find something you're truly passionate about and you'll see how much happier you'll be :) You shouldn't do anything that makes you miserable - especially a career!

eriksoln, BSN, RN · Jun 8, 2009

I felt this way during my first two years. I was convinced nursing was a terrible career choice for me and spent a lot of time thinking about what else I could/should do instead.

Then I got out of that first job. I realized every place goes about things differently. I became more aware of what the flaws in me were vs. the institutional breakdowns that were out of my control. I then worked to fix the things I was in control of. I also became more aware of the nurses I wanted to be like and paid attention to how they went about their day.

With experience, you'll know how to get into a more desirable job. Being a travel nurse and changing jobs every 13 weeks showed me the warning signs of a bad unit. I got very familiar with what a low moral unit looks like from the outside. That came in handy when I wanted to go back to being a staff nurse. I took the position I felt offered the best possibility at being comfortable at work. I turned down a higher paying position that had a lot of the "low moral" red flags pop up during the interview.

RNperdiem, RN · Jun 8, 2009

You can start planning your escape route.

Look at other nursing specialities, and workplaces. Start within nursing and don't give up too soon.

If you still hate nursing, save up some of your money to pay for tuition for a different profession which you will have thoroughly researched before committing yourself to.