Need professional oppinion of nurse managers

[BBnurse34]

The hospital I work at is undergoing some major changes that are leaving me fearful for my position. I sent an email to my unit manager explaining my feelings and requesting more information. She replied with scathing comments, then severely reprimanded me on the phone for communicating with her via her work email. She scheduled a meeting with me for Wed morning to discuss the email.

I am open to considering this a learning opportunity, but after rereading my email, I do not feel that it was unproffessional at all. I fear retaliation at the meeting because she already had me near tears on the phone, she was so angry.

I would greatly value a proffessional opinion or two on how to deal with this situation proffessionaly. Is anyone open to receiving a copy of my email and messaging me back on how to best handle this situation for now and in the future. I really am open to utilizing this as a learning opportunity.

Thanks

[purplemania, BSN, RN]

Let her talk first to get the temperature of the atmosphere. Tell her you "feel" she is angry. Can she explain what about? Get her to talk. Answer direct questions, but try not to volunteer anything. If you get uncomfortable, tell her so. If she does not back down, respectfully state you must leave the conference as it has reduced to emotional issues, or whatever, and you would prefer to have a third party in the room (maybe HER supervisor). What is the facility policy on emails? Read it. If this is work-related (sounds like it is) you surely have the right to email her. I HATE people like this-------------

[katscan]

I disagree with the Apologize thing. Do it only if you are wrong, and truely wrong. When was young, I feel as though I apologized for everything-living included. I got nowhere but used. People took advantage of me -of course poor me was always wrong -I'm so sorry, etc. etc. I got to feel so bad about myself for feeling anything that was in disagreement with the current " superior person". I finally woke up and can assert myself. The key is not to come across agressively-which your manager did. People who aren't assertive, and don't know how to be "go off" on people with agresssive tactics and think that it is the way to communicate. Wrong! Apologizing for everything is no way to be assertive. You have a right to your feelings-even though they disagree with hers. You have a right to make mistakes and to be wrong. You have a right to disagree with her. I cannot believe she went off on you for telling your feelings to her. She acted very childish and threatened.

Hold your head high and communicate truthfully. If she is threatened then, you may have to make a decison whether to stay or not. You are not going to change her. I work in a school and had a great secretary who went to another school to work with a principal who literally threw things when upset.She threw litera hissy fits several times during the day. My friend finally got enough of it and told her she wanted to talk. She spoke her feelings truthfully saying things like "I can't work when you throw things, " "I feel scared when you throw things, and I can't stay under this kind of pressure etc etc. They tallked for 1 1/2 hours and this lady actually listened and turned herself around, as my friend was so honest and truthful about her own reactions to this persons behavior. They work great together now. Good luck

[BBnurse34]

Thank you so much for all the great advice. I really feel better about this situation.

I have decided to deal with it in this way;

I will say "I get the feeling that my email has angered you. If so, I apologize because it was not my intent" then I will sit quietly, take notes and listen.

From what I can tell, she is backpedaling. She accused me of reacting to gossip. I ensured her that this info came directly from my chain of command. I feel that my email frustrated her because she hated to see the situation in print.

I sent the email to two nurse managers. One felt that the email was apropriate and another felt that I crossed the line in the use of two words.

I do agree that I do not need to over apologize, thanks for your spin on it, KAT and Moew and everyone else.

I will keep you all posted.

[BBnurse34]

The meeting was today and it well because of the advise that I received from all of you.

Apologies were offered on both sides and misinformation that I received was cleared up. Both sides did not have the whole story. We both felt much better after we clued eachother in. It looks like everything will be cool and I can benefit from this ordeal as a learning experience.

Thank so much!

[suehp]

Hi!

I am really pleased that the meeting went well for you. Hope that everything continues to go well for you too.

It's amazing how much misinformation/misunderstanding cna lead to a lot of anxiety/aggravation!

[ptwaterbaby]

Hey, Do not meet with her by yourself. Get human resources in the meeting and protect yourself. State that you need to tape record the meeting so you will understand as you find that you two may be having a communication problem. PROTECT yourself. been there done that.

[gwenith, BSN, RN]

Originally posted by BBnurse34

The meeting was today and it well because of the advise that I received from all of you.

Apologies were offered on both sides and misinformation that I received was cleared up. Both sides did not have the whole story. We both felt much better after we clued eachother in. It looks like everything will be cool and I can benefit from this ordeal as a learning experience.

Thank so much!

I am so glad to hear it went well for you and particularly pleased that it was advice that you got here that helped. Hope all goes well in the future for you!:)

[meownsmile, BSN, RN]

I am glad it all got straightened out. I would still kind of keep an eye on my back somewhat. More likely than not the issue will come up again and you may be drug back into it by whoever it was that gave you the wrong information. Keep your eyes open and dont discuss it again with anyone. Good luck.

[katscan]

Whew!! You got through it-GREAT!!!

[Rapheal]

I am glad all went well with your meeting. It could be possible too that she was angry with your e-mail because e-mail in a court of law is considered a formal communication. So any e-mail to her concerning complaints is a documentation of a problem. By expressing anger over this she has effectively prevented you and perhaps others from presenting documented problems to her. Not that this is the case- but a possibility to consider.

[ellencrn]

since your hospital doesnt't have a union, i would make sure you take your charge nurse or another nurse with you. she sounds insecure in her job, and you don't want a situation where it is her word against yours. administration would have a hard time siding with you. we have a union and much of this stuff does not occur, as a grievance can be filed and that is a lot of paperwork and accountability for the managers. approach this with professionalism and strength. don't let her bully you and if need be, stop the meeting until other members of nursing and/or management can be present.

good luck

ellen