i need help...please

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hello everyone,

I have been reading alot of post and it is so good to hear of so many success stories. I am currently out on leave pending an investigation. I have diverted and I am truly sorry. The shame and the guilt that I feel are just overwhelming:crying2:I have been clean now for over a month by choice....just getting by on alot of prayers. I have yet to receive the phone call...I am just waiting fot the ax to fall:sniff: i want to just come clean but everyone to tells me to wait for the proof. I will never do anything like this again:crying2: I still can't believe it even happened. I feel like such a complete dirtball. I never toke anything under my name it was always someone else, which is making me feel like such a complete jerk:crying2: Any advice:banghead::crying2:I need help....and prayers thx for listening

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Specializes in Medical and general practice now LTC.

Welcome to the site

May work to your benefit to come clean and face up to what you have done, congrats on being clean but moving on may help your recovery. Remember take one day at a time and good luck

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Specializes in ICU.

Right come clean and make the first step to be honest and begin recovering. Recovering is not just 'quitting' your drug of choice. My suggestion is go to online and look up aa or na and see when the meetings are and where. There are aa meetings in every town, even small ones. GO TO AA or NA. Don't wait for the ball to drop or whatever you are waiting for. Begin now. Just because you've stopped doesn't mean you are cured. YOu will never be cured.

You will battle the craving for the rest of your life. hopefully it will not be as bad as it is now, but you must take the emotional steps along with the physical steps of quitting.

Right now, I am guessing that you're not working, so you don't have access to the narcotics that you were using. But, what happens when you do have access to it again?? Think about it. A lot of nurses have been through what you're going through and we've made it... The beginning is always the hardest...

Just stay focused! And never give up on yourself, because once you give up on yourself, you might as well lay down and die... thats my philosphy...

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Specializes in LTC, MDS, Education.

1. You aren't dead. 2. You aren't in jail. 3. You have been clean for 1 month. :yeah: One day at a time, and get some help! Keep on posting and we will support you!

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Specializes in ER, TRAUMA, MED-SURG.

Hey - Welcome in joining the ranks of the impaired nurses. I live in Louisiana and entered our state's recovering nurses program. I also diverted and I can still remember exactly how I felt waiting on that dreaded call. I lost my health insurance when I got caught and had to go to one of our state run facilities. I had to wait 30 days on a bed to open up. That was bad enough, I also had wait 3 weeks for state boards. I was miserable!!

I lost almost 30 lbs in that month, and was so paranoid. I didn't know if the cops were coming or not. Every time I heard a car pass by the house, I crouched down on the floor until they passed.

I'm glad you're here, we have a great support system. Just remember, you aren't alone, and you're not the only one going through this.

Anne, RNC

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Specializes in trauma, ER, PACU, CCU/ICU, Management.

hi

i know exactly where you are right now, i diverted narc. back this spring and never thought of doing so in 22 years of nursing. start now working the steps, get it to a aa/na. make sure to make a sign in sheet to show the bon when you meet. talk with your pastor or someone you trust. get a sponsor in na/aa someone who has been there. and it is a hard process but work on forgiveness. i will say this is something that i am still working on. one day at a time, we are all human. not one person in this world has not made a mistake. this is a wonderful site, lots of love and support. hang it there. glad your here.:yeah:

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hello,

thanks everyone for your support and your prayers:redpinkhe. i will start attending aa and na meetings and find a sponser. I still can't even believe i did this to myself:o. i acted like a person with no morals...I feel sooooo terrible about myself. I am still waiting for the call for them to question me. I have to say waiting is the worst. What if they aren't understanding? what if they press charge on me if I come clean. I want to be honest I am sick of feeling like this....I want to be the person that I was...the shame really is overwhelming:crying2:...I am so glad I found this forum...It already feels better being able to tell someone..please keep praying for me...one day at a time.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

Hang in there. It's hard to forgive ourselves but give time we come to a point where "we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it." Try not to dwell so much on the shame and guilt. You did what you did and you can't rewrite the past by beating yourself up. It's a done deal, it's over, time to begin recovery. It's a tough price to pay and there are consequences, but life goes on and only gets better.

Best of luck to you. I hope you continue to share with us how you're doing.

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Specializes in LTC, MDS, Education.

RN&mommy, Sending good wishes and prayers your way. :flwrhrts:

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Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.

You need to be up front about this issue and do not wait until someone presents you with evidence. You do need to get with your manager and the board of nursing in your area to find out what treatment programs you have available to you. It is very important that you go into treatment. The temptation in nursing is just too strong. One month sober is not enough to keep you from future incidents. What stated do you live in? Every state is a bit different in regard to how they deal with impaired nurses.

Get on line and see if you can find the board rules for nursing practice in your state. They should outline the procedure for your state. As to keeping your job, they always have the right to fire you but sometimes they will keep you and try to help you. Coming clean might show them that you know you have a problem an are willing to take action to take care of it. Good Luck.

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Thanks for sharing. Good luck to you.:wlcmhnds:

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Specializes in ICU.

My suggestion would be to self-report yourself to a peer assistance group. In Florida it is IPN, I know most states have their own version of it. If you try to wait it out, you are just going to delay the time it takes to get processed and cleared back to work. Hopefully someone from your state can give you better information on the process there.

If you aren't in some type of monitoring program it is going to be very difficult to go back into nursing and maintain your sobriety. I know for me if I hadn't called IPN I don't think I would have been successful. Having the random UDS is a good sobriety tool for me to use.

The most important thing is to realize you are clean and sober for today, and that makes this day better than any day high. Things get better, it will be tough but they get better. Best wishes to you!

Matt

06/18/2006

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