First off, I am writing this because I respect the nursing profession and I am willing to work hard at staying in this field. It's hard to admit it but, I bum at this!
I have less than a year under my belt and so far I have received 3 complaints from family members about me. Yes, three in less than a year. I will not go into defencive mode and explain every detail of each situation (unless you, the reader need me to). The common complain is that I am not caring enough. I broke down and cried when my charge nurse told me this, I could not believe that I was giving off that vibe or better that my efforts were not good enough. I don't know what else to do, I feel like I try, but I have come to the conclusion that maybe nursing is not for me. Changing jobs in this economy is the last thing I want to think about but I don't want to be THAT nurse.
In honesty I tend to have a tough love attitute with my patients (pushing them to move or do breathing exercises etc. I explain why it's important and that I don't mean to be the bad nurse but it needs to be done), but I never thought I was uncaring or empathetic. I am a serious person and not very sociable, so I know this is something that probably contributes to my problem. My third complaint was today.
Family memeber said I did not expalin to patient what I was doing and that I startled him ( night shift--pt is sleeping I turn night light on draw labs, hand meds but dont wake hjim up to explain) Also, she said I gave him a bath at 5am when he should be sleeping and that I should not have done that.
I have had an assignment changed becasue pt's wife felt I was being rough with her husband. I don't know if it is because I am rushing or because that is just how I operate, but I sincerly did not mean to be. I try to check myself now and go super slow with turns and baths. I am scared! I am that nurse I never wanted to be and I feel like I will never recover from this ( I feel awful).
Tips and honest advice ( brutal is okay, I just need honesty) is welcomed. My charges have been very nice about this, but I feel it is part of there job and hence may not be able to tell me more of what they honestly feel.
Is this for me? Right now my anwer is no, but I really would like to feel like I can grow and learn from this. On the other hand I feel not all personalities can handle certain jobs and maybe mine can't.
I hope you will consider whether you might be happier working in the OR or Recovery Room or becoming an anesthetist or a pump tech for open heart procedures. Or maybe doing Dialysis, although you will have more patient contact there.
Just FYI, in dialysis there is a lot of patient and family contact, and if you're in chronics, you will see these people 3 times a week for years. Which can be a good or a bad thing (but in all my years in outpatient/chronic dialysis, I only had one pt from he|| and one family member from he|| who were totally out of line. Unfortunately, you can't get away from them in such a setting...)
To the OP, please don't give up. It's probably just a misunderstanding. If you truly like working in your current unit, seek input from more experienced nurses and heed the advice offered here. You obviously care or you wouldn't have posted here :)
When I first started in med/surg my patients all seemed to like me. The nurses hated me. What was that all about? I found out when I was ready to transfer to ICU that the nurses thought I acted snotty and better than them. That was when you could smoke in the break room. One of the nurses loved to relate storied about the latest Media film she had watched and how it worked out for her and her BF. Wonder why I was distant?
Anyway. There have been patients I have had problems with. I have found that when I look back, the ones that Fired me were the ones I hurried with, I was irritated with a family member or I thought they had made the wrong decision.
One time I even had to leave a patients room. I knew it had been a busy day and I really didn't have time to admit this pt. I took a few deep breaths. When I went back in I appologized and said that first take wasn't very good. Let's start over. Did you want to start with supper? Here is the telephone and your call bell (Big smile and happy voice). The rest of the admission went great after she knwe she was going to be fed!
Could it be that the OP isn't white American? I know that some people are prejudiced to foreign trained nurses. I worked with a majority of nurses from the Phillipines and if I went in with them to help turn our ortho patients, they just flipped the light on and said it's time to turn, you have to turn now and over they pushed. However, they said many nice things, dear, sweetie, etc. and had friendly contact as well (you know the ones who walk by you and rub your back - a little to close in my space but still intentions are good) If you were to ask around the wonderful Polish caregivers that do homehealth as well as the Jamacan ones are also mostly business however their endearing accent lets them get away with a lot. One quick story my guy weighed 600 pounds on a colon prep and please i needed help! So the foreign nurse with a cute accent says come on now big Johnnie roll your bum over, I can't push you! Had I said that, he would have complained to managment. Just my 2 cents. And, the best nurses I have worked with and learned the most with were the foreign trained nurses. Their curriculum is so different. We're mostly theory, they are mostly clinical. Ask them, they have delivered babies! And I get out of a 4 year school never to have done a foley!
Sorry to be a stickler for details but I think it would be best not to assume that the OP is or is not of a certain race or nationality. I agree that some people do have charming accents and that these do often make them interesting to us.
Perhaps OP is just tense because she is new and not as confident and practiced as the foreign or accented ones.
Our night shift is supposed to give at least one bath per nurse/assignment, some nights we don't give any because the pt refuses or once in a blue moon we have a hall full of self care pts. but most nights we're giving baths at 4 or 5am, we try to time it at least so the pt is already awakened by the morning lab tech.
OP: the problem with the "tough love" tactic is that stressed-out family members don't see it as being "tough love" but as something negative. Now you know and I know why you have to get patients OOB, doing breathing exercises, walking, etc. when they clearly don't want to...but howare you explaining things the patient and family? Consider not so much what you are saying to them but how you are saying it to them. Are you coming in as the drill sargeant or just being firm? When you answer their questions, does it seem to them like you are really listening and caring or are you direct in your replies that you come across as brushing them off (even though you may really be listening and caring)? Find a coworker or (even better) someone else whose will be honest with you and ask them what they see when you're in action.
And even if you are a saint, someone will find a reason to complain. Seriously consider each complaint you get and see what you can learn from them...but at the same time, don't let them hold you back.
Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.
You did not state what area of nursing that you are working in. Requirements are different depending on where you are working. Of course being caring is always necessary but there are many ways to accomplish that. In some situations you have to be compassionate, firm, in control and be able to set limits such as when working in the ED or on a psych unit. But if you are working on a med surg with a high geriatric population or in LTC you have to approach those patients with the kind of care that one might give to a pediatric patient such as not doing anything to startle them and by explaining everything that you are going to be doing.
I would really be interested to know what type of situation you are working in. Before you decide to leave nursing, lets explore what your areas of interest are and where you are now to see if we can get a plan for you that will help both you and the patients. I am glad to help. Keep me posted. Diane
Diane, I work in a SICU. Thank you all for the kind words. My computer has been down, so I am just getting online. Anyway, I feel much better and I have bonded with more family members recently. One of my patients mother actually told her daughter she finally felt comfortable leaving her side to go home and take care of family stuff, because she knew I would take care of her just the way she would. Wish my manager could have heard that!
Sometimes it stings to hear criticism, but that's no reason to be so dejected you think you're not cut out for nursing. Stop, take an honest inventory and improve you improvement needs to occur. I'm having to do the same thing lately. Best wishes!
DeLana_RN, BSN, RN
819 Posts
Just FYI, in dialysis there is a lot of patient and family contact, and if you're in chronics, you will see these people 3 times a week for years. Which can be a good or a bad thing (but in all my years in outpatient/chronic dialysis, I only had one pt from he|| and one family member from he|| who were totally out of line. Unfortunately, you can't get away from them in such a setting...)
To the OP, please don't give up. It's probably just a misunderstanding. If you truly like working in your current unit, seek input from more experienced nurses and heed the advice offered here. You obviously care or you wouldn't have posted here :)
Best of luck to you,
DeLana