First off, I am writing this because I respect the nursing profession and I am willing to work hard at staying in this field. It's hard to admit it but, I bum at this!
I have less than a year under my belt and so far I have received 3 complaints from family members about me. Yes, three in less than a year. I will not go into defencive mode and explain every detail of each situation (unless you, the reader need me to). The common complain is that I am not caring enough. I broke down and cried when my charge nurse told me this, I could not believe that I was giving off that vibe or better that my efforts were not good enough. I don't know what else to do, I feel like I try, but I have come to the conclusion that maybe nursing is not for me. Changing jobs in this economy is the last thing I want to think about but I don't want to be THAT nurse.
In honesty I tend to have a tough love attitute with my patients (pushing them to move or do breathing exercises etc. I explain why it's important and that I don't mean to be the bad nurse but it needs to be done), but I never thought I was uncaring or empathetic. I am a serious person and not very sociable, so I know this is something that probably contributes to my problem. My third complaint was today.
Family memeber said I did not expalin to patient what I was doing and that I startled him ( night shift--pt is sleeping I turn night light on draw labs, hand meds but dont wake hjim up to explain) Also, she said I gave him a bath at 5am when he should be sleeping and that I should not have done that.
I have had an assignment changed becasue pt's wife felt I was being rough with her husband. I don't know if it is because I am rushing or because that is just how I operate, but I sincerly did not mean to be. I try to check myself now and go super slow with turns and baths. I am scared! I am that nurse I never wanted to be and I feel like I will never recover from this ( I feel awful).
Tips and honest advice ( brutal is okay, I just need honesty) is welcomed. My charges have been very nice about this, but I feel it is part of there job and hence may not be able to tell me more of what they honestly feel.
Is this for me? Right now my anwer is no, but I really would like to feel like I can grow and learn from this. On the other hand I feel not all personalities can handle certain jobs and maybe mine can't.
Specializes in Gerontological, cardiac, med-surg, peds.
Excellent advice. One thing to add - I've noticed with the downturn in the economy and everything else that is going on, that people everywhere are on edge. The least little thing tends to upset. People get all bent out of shape at innocuous little things or take offense in circumstances that don't really warrant it. Peoples' stress levels are at an all-time high, people are also worried and some are very angry. Sometimes they just deflect their anger on the nurse by nit-picking. They feel so out of control.
I think the answer lies in your screen name. If you loved the OR, I think the chances are good that you are more rewarded by technical issues than by people issues. That is, I think you might be happier working in the OR. You won't have much to worry about from families, you will never have to give an 0500 bath, you can focus on technical competence more than on pleasing patients.
You will still be helping people, you just won't have to show much concern or even have much interest in them as anything more than the gall bladder, the hip, the whatever. You won't have to feel guilty if you don't care to get immersed in their personal or family lives. Some nurses thrive on lots of personal interaction with patients and families. Some don't. We need both kinds.
I hope you will consider whether you might be happier working in the OR or Recovery Room or becoming an anesthetist or a pump tech for open heart procedures. Or maybe doing Dialysis, although you will have more patient contact there.
If you think you'd prefer to continue working in the area you're in now, consider checking into work with prisoners (very little contact with families, if any) or with veterans (many have no visitors and many vets have histories of addiction, psych issues, are homeless, down on their luck maybe - by no means do I lump all vets in that category; it's just been my experience that I have seen many vets who have those issues and who also don't have lots of visitors and the vets are generally not too demanding - again, that's been my experience. Same with government-run facilities, such as mental hospitals, prisons, group homes for MRDD and Psych patients. Have you ever thought about public/community health?
Not all of us feel comfortable around people we might feel are above or below us socially. I know it's not nice to say it but we do have "castes" in America. There are the very wealthy, the very poor, and lots of groups in between. And we just don't all feel at-ease with all types. There is the gender issue, there is age, there's the race aspect, there is the religion issue - maybe you prefer a secular hospital or might you prefer a religious hospital? Or maybe these things are not important to you or you've never noticed how you feel around people from different groups.
I do hope you think over what I've said and do some self-searching. I hope you accept what you find in your heart. Whatever it is, do not be afraid of it or ashamed. Just accept it and try to find the best work situation you can. No point trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Just do what's right for you and I think you'll be happier and so will whoever your patients, whoever they turn out to be.
I find that offering as many choices to patients gives them a sense of empowerment that they need.
I had my first patient complaint the other day, after 15 years as a nurse. I actually got fired! It turns out this patient and his wife, who have both been patients more than once, have fired other nurses, so they are difficult customers, but nevertheless I was surprised and a little upset at my perfect record being broken.
The reason they gave the charge nurse? (who rolled his eyes and laughed it off). I brought in the medications without a med cup, and when the patient requested a comb and shampoo for his shower, I didn't bring him a whole admit pack, but brought him necessary toiletries separately (he was being discharged that day).
Another nurse was on who had been previously fired by this couple also had not brought in a med cup when bringing their meds. I never realized this was an issue for patients. Now I do and I'm making a habit of always bringing in a med cup, even though I open the meds in the room.
I figure that one verbalized complaint probably represents 10 that weren't. So, even though I think this patient and is wife are unreasonable people, I do pay attention to the fact that others might feel the same way but not be voicing their concerns.
I find that offering as many choices to patients gives them a sense of empowerment that they need.
I had my first patient complaint the other day, after 15 years as a nurse. I actually got fired! It turns out this patient and his wife, who have both been patients more than once, have fired other nurses, so they are difficult customers, but nevertheless I was surprised and a little upset at my perfect record being broken.
The reason they gave the charge nurse? (who rolled his eyes and laughed it off). I brought in the medications without a med cup, and when the patient requested a comb and shampoo for his shower, I didn't bring him a whole admit pack, but brought him necessary toiletries separately (he was being discharged that day).
Another nurse was on who had been previously fired by this couple also had not brought in a med cup when bringing their meds. I never realized this was an issue for patients. Now I do and I'm making a habit of always bringing in a med cup, even though I open the meds in the room.
I figure that one verbalized complaint probably represents 10 that weren't. So, even though I think this patient and is wife are unreasonable people, I do pay attention to the fact that others might feel the same way but not be voicing their concerns.
not to hijack the thread... but you got fired? its stories like this that kinda scare me =\ what am i getting into, lol.
I think she may mean fired from the patient...we say that too when a patient requests not to have a nurse back or comes and asks for a new nurse mid shift...obviously if I am wrong please correct me!!
not to hijack the thread... but you got fired? its stories like this that kinda scare me =\ what am i getting into, lol.
The patient's wife (whom I hadn't encountered yet that morning) went to the charge nurse and demanded that I never enter the room again and demanded a new nurse.
Not only have I never previously received a patient complaint about me, I certainly have never had a pt 'fire' me.
My coworkers and I did have a few laughs as I vented about it throughout the day. The tele tech informed me that this couple is like this and have fired more than one nurse on past admissions.
The patient's wife (whom I hadn't encountered yet that morning) went to the charge nurse and demanded that I never enter the room again and demanded a new nurse.
OK - So I'm going to go to He** for this but - it makes you wish 2 things.
1) That some day they are pts, and all the nurses on that day are nurses that they have "fired". Who takes care of the pt that day?
and
2) The pt becomes really unwell. You are the only one close when they call for help, but - you aren't allowed to go in and help!
I know, I'm bad. But people like this just seriously annoy me!
Could it be that the OP isn't white American? I know that some people are prejudiced to foreign trained nurses. I worked with a majority of nurses from the Phillipines and if I went in with them to help turn our ortho patients, they just flipped the light on and said it's time to turn, you have to turn now and over they pushed. However, they said many nice things, dear, sweetie, etc. and had friendly contact as well (you know the ones who walk by you and rub your back - a little to close in my space but still intentions are good) If you were to ask around the wonderful Polish caregivers that do homehealth as well as the Jamacan ones are also mostly business however their endearing accent lets them get away with a lot. One quick story my guy weighed 600 pounds on a colon prep and please i needed help! So the foreign nurse with a cute accent says come on now big Johnnie roll your bum over, I can't push you! Had I said that, he would have complained to managment. Just my 2 cents. And, the best nurses I have worked with and learned the most with were the foreign trained nurses. Their curriculum is so different. We're mostly theory, they are mostly clinical. Ask them, they have delivered babies! And I get out of a 4 year school never to have done a foley!
DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP!!!! I have been an RN since 1993. Just after graduation, we moved out of state. Unfamiliar territory and away from my fellow classmates (who gave each other unconditional love and support). So, I applied at a hospital.."Sorry, we have our "quota" of new grads". I took a job at a family practice clinic. I intended to stay just long enough to get my foot in the door at a hospital. The clinic was the best. Hours were regular. Working side by side with excellent family practice physicians who were so willing to teach. AND...they were christian. I ended up working family practice and urgent care until 2006! All the while I always had that inner critic that said "You aren't a r-e-a-l nurse"..because I did not have the hospital experience. Well, family illness again moved me to another state (brother-in-law with cancer, Mom had a MI). I am now working at a hospital. Just finished my first year. I have never seen such disrespect from co-workers and physicians alike.
I do care about my patients. I had a big learning curve to overcome. I focused on the pt while learning new skills and of course..."I was too slow". Well, I refuse to force feed an elderly man his meal so I can quick make it to the next....as time went on I became more proficient. Med pass? If you are doing everything correctly...there is no way you will finish as quick as some of the other nurses. I refuse to barge into a room and have the attitude of "here, take your meds....no time to treat you with respect and lisen to your concerns...I have a clock to follow".
I have found that you can bet your ass clinic nurses are r-e-a-l nurses. I have never worked in such a disrespectful place ever.
You are new. You will concentrate on your skills, of course. When I started in the hospital, I built a relationship with the residents. They knew I cared because I took the time that they needed. When I had to focus, I was able to say to them..."okay, I need you to be quiet while I do this because I am new and I don't want to make a mistake that could endanger you. They accepted
that. They even joked about me..."SHhhh.....she has to concentrate". I think it was because I was a REAL PERSON and treat them like REAL PEOPLE. Be yourself. Be honest.
People appreciate it. Hospital work is tough. So much to do, low staff levels...at times I feel it is inhumane the way these patients get treated. If I wanted a job that has no human interaction I could have stayed working in a factory. THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO NEED COMPASSION. THIS IS NOT A POTATO CHIP FACTORY. HIRE MORE DAMNED PEOPLE. GOOD GRIEF, EVEN DAYCARE FOR CHILDREN HAVE RATIO STANDARDS. NURSES ARE NOT MACHINES. THANKS.
Well now baby doll, are you just looking for someone to throttle you?:redbeathe
You will hear so many more complaints than compliments I think. And the negative is what we always carry with us. Stop beating yourself up. I wouldn't overly wake the patient either if I were waking them in the middle of the night for med pass. If the family would come up and say I didn't explain things enough, then I would appoligise, pour on the sugar, and take my time to explain to them everything that is going on (within my scope of practice).
You will not nor ever please everybody. Stop beating yourself up!!!
Can I make a suggestion that may be unpopular? I suggest you leave the unit and/or hospital. Once mgmt. gets an idea that you're a certain way you'll never live it down. It might be better for you to start with clean slate. I had a situation years ago where a patient made identical complaints about me and another nurse. My manager's reason for punishing me and not the other nurse? "I've known her for 20 years, it couldn't possibly be true about her".
The biggest thing I have found is that one can have the disposition of Mother Teresa and the looks of Marilyn Monroe but the family member who complains will complain anyway, because they have every intention of complaining no matter how the care is. It is just as much a possibility that this is the case with the complaints as it is that the complaints are valid. I would think about the situation and make changes if necessary but I would not lose sleep over this unless your supervisor criticizes you. Complaints will come whether one deserves them or not.
I had a pt. complaint that went something like this:
Scene: I walk into pt. room to insert a foley cath., male pt., served in the Marines like my father.
Me "Hello, I am Michael, I am going to insert a foley cath. because of your urine retention (followed by about 5 minutes of the common questions and answers).
Pt. "Are you from the military, most male nurses come from the military"
Me "No, I didnt join the military. My dad was a marine for 22 years and I decided it wasnt a good fit for me."
Pt. "So, you are a male and went to a nursing school? Why? Men dont do that. You should have gone throught he military. Didnt your dad insist you do military service?"
Me "No, I'm not against it, just didnt think it was for me is all."
Next day, I am told I cant have him as a pt. becasue he and his wife are convinced I am against the military. I am a communist.
LOL, and this is the behavior of AOx3 people.
I take complaints sereously and always look for a trend. The trend I found when compareing complaints was that a lot of people said I seemed rushed, in a hurry to be somewhere else. Thats valid, and true. I was rushed, the hospital I worked at had terrible ratios. But I made some simplistic changes to a few things (with the guidence of a few other experienced nurses and the nursing educator) and it is not so much a problem anymore.
The tele tech informed me that this couple is like this and have fired more than one nurse on past admissions.
VickyRN, MSN, DNP, RN
49 Articles; 5,349 Posts
Excellent advice. One thing to add - I've noticed with the downturn in the economy and everything else that is going on, that people everywhere are on edge. The least little thing tends to upset. People get all bent out of shape at innocuous little things or take offense in circumstances that don't really warrant it. Peoples' stress levels are at an all-time high, people are also worried and some are very angry. Sometimes they just deflect their anger on the nurse by nit-picking. They feel so out of control.